is there an "Outside world" and a "Kinky world" OR ...

is there an "Outside world" and a "Kinky worl

Zhobovich​(dom male) • Mar 31, 2024

I recently shared a blog post titled "There is No Outside World," where I discussed my belief that there's no clear separation between the "kink world" and the "vanilla world." I believe that the only thing that changes is how individuals present themselves--there is a "kinky you" and "outside you" (which I think is the kinky you, in a mask) .
I'm interested to hear where everyone stands on this topic!

so...

A ) Do you believe in the idea of two distinct worlds—the "Outside world" and the "Kinky world"?

B ) Or do you subscribe to the idea that there's only one world, but with two facets—the "Kinky you" and the "Outside you"?

C ) Or It's all a mess. We're all just living in a Venn diagram of desires, where the lines between "kinky" and "vanilla" blur so much that we might as well call it a swirl cone of human sexiness

shebakesalot​(sub female) • Mar 31, 2024

D) all of the above. lol For me personally, B with a mix of C. I don't actively share that I'm kinky, but don't mind sharing if asked.

UpFromTheAshes​(switch gender queer) • Mar 31, 2024

My kinks are a part of who I am, in the same way as my sexual and gender identities are part of who I am, and my Special Interest is a part of who I am, and all of the other parts of me are part of who I am. Even as an autistic person, I recognize that some things need to be compartmentalized somewhat. I probably shouldn't just out of the blue tell people my kinks while I'm out knitting with my friends, but I don't necessarily feel like I have to hide that part of myself away, either. So....let's say that a fellow fiber artist asks me about my macrame collar. "Oh, this is the collar I made for myself. It's macrame! I don't want to take this off right now, but would you like to see some of my other macrame?" I know that my fiber art friend is probably more interested in the construction o the collar than in its purpose, so I talk to them about that.

Then, similarly, if I'm at a munch and someone asks me about it, I might respond with something better fitting that context. "Oh, this is the collar I made for myself when my former Dom and I parted ways." I know that my kinky friend is probably interested in the purpose or significance more than the construction.

And still differently, if I have a friend who I don't know whether they're interested in either fiber art or kink and *they* ask about my collar, I'll probably leave it at "Oh, this is the collar I made for myself." Then I'll let them ask more and direct me toward the parts they're interested in.

TopekaDom​(dom male) • Mar 31, 2024

Of course there are other worlds:

There are going to be those that do not want to know what we do or how we behave. People who think what we do is evil. People who will ridicule or haunt us because of what we are. These people are always going to be there.

Then there is are those who think that crap like 50 Shades is really what we do. They will allow the mass media to shape our activities to them and be told that we are far "removed" from the "normal" world.

Then there is us. Even within our lifestyle, we are divided on who holds "The Truth" and those that do not.

Zhobovich​(dom male) • Mar 31, 2024

I agree, that not everyone wants to know about what we do or how we behave, but at the same time, not everyone wants to know about the ins and outs of vanilla relationships either.

and yes, some people will ridicule us, but what relationships or lifestyles go unridiculed? whether you are in a same-sex relationship, an interracial relationship, or an age-gap relationship...hell you might be a perfectly average vanilla couple who laugh a little too loudly in public...and you will still get eyes. My point is, you just can't win either way, so are those two worlds all that different ?

Miki • Mar 31, 2024

I would not define it as worlds, but I'll leave it at "it's all semantics".

It really is the facets of given peronalities one shows in a domestic (home) environment vs what they show and how they act in public, around extended family... all that and more.

As written by others, everyone behaves differently, be it kink inclined people and mainstream people (Note I never use "vanilla" Smacks of condescension to me-- We all are who we are wired to be, no one is "better" than another just because they screw around in different ways)

So, in the context of the original post, sure there are "other worlds" if one wants to put it that way but through it all, everyone-- well almost everyone, there are exceptions these days), there simply are those one deals with on their day-to-day who don't care to know what I did with the shades down and similarly, I do not feel what I did in private is anyone's damned business out there.

Bunnie • Apr 3, 2024

Lock in B for Bunnie, thanks Ed! Lol.
Once upon a time I compartmentalised myself, but not anymore. Now it’s impossible. I don’t go around flaunting my lifestyle choices, however, it’s always there present in who I am, there is no “off switch.” The concept of “kink” and “vanilla” has become a lot more fluid for me, which I really like because it brings a natural flow to my life that I didn’t experience before.

Literate Lycan​(dom male) • Apr 4, 2024

Isn’t c) just b) with a fancy descriptive name? Asking for a friend of course.

I tend to believe in one world with numerous ways of living in it. And kinky is just a different shade of vanilla (or the Outside World). I know plenty of “vanilla” couples living on the Outside who are probably kinkier than many kinky bastages yet who have no concept of the lifestyle. They just live life and all that it entails.

The real question: If a tree falls in the woods, does it make a sound? Maybe not to you or I, but to the bear standing next to it, it probably scares the shit out of him. Much like our choices in lifestyle. As long as we don’t throw it in other’s faces, it exists but it doesn’t make a huge sound.

Miki • Apr 4, 2024

Best part of that for me. There is no official gospel of kink as far as I'm concerned. I live a normal like outside of the "sessions" (and now not even those... Kinda wore thin for me)

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I think for those who can't hear the sound even if the tree falls right in their lap a better one is:

If a bear farts in the woods, and no one or nothing is around to get a whiff, does it still stink?"

Of course bears can smell things while trees don't hear, so the comparison is approximate.

Falke​(sub female) • Apr 5, 2024

I like thinking about it as C), one big mess! I'm no psychologist, but these different worlds fulfill us in different yet important ways. I don't think you can have one without the other— it would kind of be like having food with no seasoning. The kinky things we do are influenced by things that happen to us in our 'regular' lives, and oftentimes our perception of our lives are influenced by things we do and like in the bedroom too.

Compartmentalisation happens. We present different facets of ourselves in different situations but it doesn't take away the influence of our kinks in our reality.

I'm fascinated by how our kinks are affected by our different personality types and psychological history. I've been my own test subject for a long time now, haha ♡