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How do you detach from your Dom.
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Shelby77024​(sub female)
How do you detach from your Dom.
5 months ago • Mon Apr 23, 2018 9:02 pm
Shelby77024​(sub female) • Mon Apr 23, 2018 9:02 pm
Hi there guys and gals,
I need some help, how do I detach my submissive self from my previous Dom. We are in regular contact and I find myself reverting back into a submissive state. This makes him uncomfortable as although it was working for me it wasn't working for him. How do I switch it off before I loose him for good?
Shade1​(dom male){bad puns}
5 months ago • Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:01 am
Shade1​(dom male){bad puns} • Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:01 am
I'm not a sub, but I'm going to give an opinion. It might be uncomfortable, but it will work.

Put bluntly - I think you need time away from Him. A little distance will help that out greatly I think. Use that time for *you* - doing things you enjoy, having time to yourself - time to heal, etc. I would tell him that you want to detach, and I think a great way to do so would be to make your regular contact less regular. You can still be friends, just be away for a bit. If you are in an environment where you constantly see him, make sure you two are never alone together.

I hope this helps, and I wish you good luck!
ReservedDom
5 months ago • Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:26 am
ReservedDom • Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:26 am
I concur with Shade
Shelby77024​(sub female)
5 months ago • Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:51 am
Shelby77024​(sub female) • Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:51 am
If he had treated me badly it would be easier, even today when I really needed him he was still there for me as s friend
MarcEsadrian
5 months ago • Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:54 am
MarcEsadrian • Tue Apr 24, 2018 12:54 am
@Shelby

Why are you detaching from him, exactly? It's not working out for him but it was working out for you? Is that right?

A little more detail would be necessary to answer this question appropriately.

Marc
Shelby77024​(sub female)
5 months ago • Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:08 am
Shelby77024​(sub female) • Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:08 am
Yeah... for me I am his but for him he is not mine. He's letting me go because he knows that I couldn't cope with poly, I tried but I need to be his only and he'd be unhappy not being able to have someone else
Radiance​(dom female)
5 months ago • Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:38 am
Radiance​(dom female) • Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:38 am
if your not together you have no reason to be with him,Move on and let him do the same
MarcEsadrian
5 months ago • Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:47 am
MarcEsadrian • Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:47 am
@Shelby

"Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive." —Havelock Ellis

So, put another way, you are his but he will not be yours to keep. It's a common turmoil females experience with dominant males. You will need to make a decision: set aside your possessiveness, jealousy, and insecurity, or realize you can never be his.

That said, I don't know why he'd dispose of you completely for still wanting to submit to him. I can't imagine how that would "offend" me. Were I in his position (and I have been), I'd work with you as much as possible in helping you get over your axiomatic assertions of monogamy. Perhaps he's open to the idea that you'll rethink your take on it? It's difficult giving advice without seeing the full picture of a relationship's many nuances, but all I can say is that maybe you try again. You still feel submissive to him, even though you know he has or wants multiples. That's a good sign, in my experience: your desire isn't ephemeral.
Shelby77024​(sub female)
5 months ago • Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:47 am
Shelby77024​(sub female) • Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:47 am
Wow that's cold ...I don't think I could or would want to do that. What I want is to be able to detach the submissive in me not to completely irradiate him from my life. Thank you anyway for your point of view.
Shelby77024​(sub female)
5 months ago • Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:53 am
Shelby77024​(sub female) • Tue Apr 24, 2018 1:53 am
MarcEsadrian wrote:
@Shelby

"Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretense of keeping it alive." —Havelock Ellis

So, put another way, you are his but he will not be yours to keep. It's a common turmoil females experience with dominant males. You will need to make a decision: set aside your possessiveness, jealousy, and insecurity, or realize you can never be his.

That said, I don't know why he'd dispose of you completely for still wanting to submit to him. I can't imagine how that would "offend" me. Were I in his position (and I have been), I'd work with you as much as possible in helping you get over your axiomatic assertions of monogamy. Perhaps he's open to the idea that you'll rethink your take on it? It's difficult giving advice without seeing the full picture of a relationship's many nuances, but all I can say is that maybe you try again. You still feel submissive to him, even though you know he has or wants multiples. That's a good sign, in my experience: your desire isn't ephemeral.


He wants to respect my views... he knows it is making me unhappy and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore than it has. He's releasing me so i can find peace with one person.