What's your dynamic

What's your dynamic

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2024

My experience in BDSM, aside from all the online relationships, is limited to three subs. I came here because I wanted to find my true love sub to be with 24/7 for the rest of my life. I'm starting to believe that, just by my nature, 24/7 might be impossible.

If there were someone I could spend a weekend or two a month with, I'd be fine. Text good morning and good night. Talk on the phone, v-chat now and then and always have something to look forward to. (And this isn't an advertisement. I'm not "seeking")

My ask is what's your dynamic like, or if you aren't in a dynamic, what are you looking for? poly, mono or what? 24/7 or something else? How does the dynamic work when you're not together? Why do you choose this kind of dynamic? If you're in it, is there anything you'd change if you could?

Re: What's your dynamic

Heero​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2024

I tend to be in DD/bg dynamics, I find it jives with my nature the most is the short of it. And one I'm in right now is super close to being 24/7. We hit 24/7 on some weeks, but average is 24/4, or something like that. I don't particularly think a 24/7 dynamic would cause issues for me, I find being in-person much preferable to being long distance, so 24/7 would be preferable (I've spoken about distance vs in-person dynamics before, I'm not knocking on distance ones, I've had very fulfilling ones over my time in the lifestyle. But for various reasons, in person ones are preferred, and any new dynamic I would seek after this point would be in-person).

At a distance, yes, we'd usually keep up with good morning/good night text, share pics/posts/memes we find interesting throughout the day, etc. Sometimes if a task is given at a distance, that it's completion and/or process is sent to me via picture/video. Because we spend a lot of time together, not much maintenance is needed when we're apart. For long distance dynamics, waaaaay more communication is needed, and sometimes life can get too busy.

But you say 24/7, but you never mentioned 24/7 what? I don't think "24/7" by itself is a dynamic. That's just like time spent together.

Re: What's your dynamic

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2024

True, my focus was very narrow when I wrote this. I was just thinking about if I really need to be with someone ALL the time. I'm thinking most dynamics aren't 24/7 as time spent together goes, and I'm opening my mind up to something different than the perceived ideal I aspired to. I'm glad you brought it up though because it would be interesting to see if it varies along dynamics. I mean off the top of my head, I'm thinking M/s is most likely to be 24/7 and if not, wondering what it's like in 24/2... just saying. So, thanks for your astute attention to detail, you have broadened my perspective and the perspective of this post. Thank you!

Re: What's your dynamic

Heero​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2024

Sure, I'd say back in the day, M/s and TPE dynamics were more likely to be 24/7 and other dynamics less so, but these days I'm seeing very wide variations on that. I see many people who are in dynamics with their spouse, for examples. Or just couples living together being in various forms of dynamics. The lifestyle has seeped into the mainstream recently, so 24/7 dynamics of many kinds exists now, and would not be strange.

There is also a bit of a nuance that can occur here. Like, whether or not I'm in close proximity to my sub, I do consider her to be my sub ALL the time. And as she wears my collar, she considers me her Dom ALL the time. Our dynamic is always active, even when we're not around each other. So "24/7" can become even more loosey goosey. Earlier though, I was talking about time spent together, but upon reflecting a bit more, I don't think there is ever a time I do not think of my sub as my sub. It's sort of a 24/7 thing in my mind, whether or not we're sleeping in the same location.

Of course, this is not always the case. I'm aware of people who have dynamics that turn "off" and "on" at certain times.

The main complication for you is that you seem to travel around a lot. Traveling dynamics I would guess are rare. Maybe you could pioneer this kind and show us how it's done.

Sweetlydepraved​(masochist female){Owned} • Aug 22, 2024

Daddy and I are in a long distance 24/7 dynamic with the intention to eventually merge lives. We have rules and rituals as life allows, but sometimes those fall onto the sideline as life gets in the way. We have our share of problems and some days I’m ready to throw in the towel, but at the end of the day, we love one another deeply and I truly do not think I could ever love another human being the way I love him. We connect how we can with FaceTime playtime, videos, voice stuff, and I often make up devious little games for us to play. I am fairly independent so he doesn’t have much to do with running my life, but he’s always there should I need counsel, and I include him on the big decisions and defer to his final say on those. To me, that’s kind of what 24/7 means to me, he doesn’t make every decision of the day, but when he chooses to make one, I obey. Period.

Re: What's your dynamic

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2024

[quote="Heero"][quote="intenseoldman"]

I am interested in time spent together. It's encouraging to me, though, that couples consider their dynamics 24/7 even when they're not together 24/7. It indicates that what I'm considering can be fulfilling.

DoseofCam​(sub female){Collared} • Aug 22, 2024

Before, I was involved in a nonsexual DD/lg dynamic that was long-distance and operated on a 24/7 basis with daily rules that were very fulfilling at the time. Unfortunately, it didn’t last due to differing life goals.

Currently, I’m in an in-person DD/bg dynamic that could be described as sort of 24/7, though the specifics can vary. For instance, we might be together constantly, or it could be more flexible, with us spending time apart but staying connected through photos, videos, and sharing daily updates—like me sharing work tea with him at the end of the day! Haha!

The dynamic is quite different from what I was used to, which made it exciting and easy to fall in love with. At this point, I don’t feel the need to change anything. Of course, as time goes on, things naturally evolve and shift on their own.

I don't think I have a preference on LDR or IRL. To me they both satisfy me in their own way!

Although I would like to ask what sort of 24/7 were you thinking? To me even when I am not with My Daddy I still think of Him as My Daddy and me as His babygirl. So can that be some sort of 24/7? Or where you thinking along the lines of "They are with me 24/7" type vibe

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2024

What I've just started thinking is I'd be best in a dynamic that's IRL for a weekend a month (minimum) and is LDR the rest of the time. To me, that's a 2/30 dynamic. We'll have daily structure via Obedience app because I don't know if Doms ever talk about it, but scheduling and structuring a sub actually gives a Dom the schedule and structure he needs in his life. Keeping a sub in line and on track keeps me in line and on track, and the better she is at doing her part the better I am at doing mine. There's synchronicity and synergy that makes life flow. Having goals to meet, tasks to assign, behavior to guide, monitor and correct, gives my life as much direction as it gives my s type.

Oh, boy, there's a Heero answer to a simple question. Let me see if can edit this.
Okay, you'll never see them, but I took out 308 words. I'll keep 'em in my ammo box.

Heero​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2024

🤣🤣🤣 I'm low key curios as to what you wrote originally now.

intenseoldman​(dom male) • Aug 22, 2024

LMFAO.... okay, you asked for it

I guess I'm an old dinosaur because I don't give much consideration to the LDRs I've had. To me there's a vast difference in being with someone LDR vs IRL. My relationship with my first sub started out LDR and we spent so much time in v-chat and voice sex that when we met, we already knew each other so well that who we were LD was no different than who we were IRL. From the moment we met, there was no hesitation in the flow of our dynamic. The LDR was the same in IRL.

That sure hasn't been the case lately with the LDRs I've had. I believe that the sub I knew in the last 3 only existed in my head, despite the time we spent together, texting, sexting and voicing. I mean, I't's hard for me to count my LDRs in my BDSM experience because I think whomever I was connecting with, I never knew. Most of them I don't consider real.

That's the whole reason I came here is to find a "real" sub I could lay my hands on 24/7, someone I could know inside out and take "real" ownership of. To me 24/7 is being in a structured dynamic under the same roof everyday.

But it's complicated, the last "sub" I was with IRL was submissive in the bedroom only, and I don't know I guess you could say she was an alpha when we weren't having sex. Two alphas vying for control, is a fight. Through her, I found out that I'm not ever going to be with another alpha, no matter how submissive she is in bed. We lived together, had great dungeon sex, lots of bondage in DD/bg relationship, but she stepped right out of that when she got outta the dungeon.

I loved her, but I couldn't stay with her and I don't consider what I had with her, a 24/7 dynamic, more like a 2/7. My big idea was to come here, join this community, and find a "real" sub for a 24/7 dynamic which to me, means under the same roof living the dynamic every hour of every day. Through my attempts to find the s I could do that with, I've discovered that it might be impossible for me just because of who I am, and how I'm driven.