AuDHD asks: Got specific examples of D/s in everyday life?

AuDHD asks: Got specific examples of D/s in everyday life?

MountaintopMaster • Feb 9, 2025

I think many of us are certain that we’re dominant or submissive, BUT, we’re also socially awkward enough that picking up on cues, or communicating effectively, is a constant struggle. Could it be caused by being a little bit on the autistic spectrum, maybe?

In other words, we know who our core personality is, but we need practical help INTEGRATING this feeling into real life.

So, that's why I’m asking: please offer any examples you have regarding simple, everyday interactions that give you a reminder that you’re in a dynamic.

I’m wondering about the mundane, boring tasks in life. It seems, life is 99% this stuff, so, how do we integrate such conversations into that special dynamic? Laundry, dishes, chores, errands, kids scheduling, …we are often left with only a few minutes each day for a private ritual where the D/s is the primary focus.

To the submissives out there: do you have any examples of moments where you did not expect to feel the presence of your dynamic, but it was something subtle that your dominant said or did, that gave you that little reminder? (Again, especially if it was right in the middle of something either relatively vanilla or just mundane.) How did you react? How do you subtly but proactively show your submission, especially in everyday life un-prompted moments?

TO the dominants out there: Same question, but in reverse. Are there any little words or actions that stick out to you in everyday life that remind you to tend to your dynamic? How did you react? How do you send out little reminders yourself?

Of course, aside from the ADHD/autism aspect of why I’m asking these types of questions, I do believe that such examples can help anybody create healthy relationships overall. I believe, even if your power exchange dynamic is relatively platonic, it still counts as a power exchange. There is always some level of domination or submission in us all, and we almost always perform at our best when we're in our most comfortable role.

Thank you all in advance!

NarahPrimal​(sub female) • Feb 10, 2025

Hmmm, being ASD myself I find in a dynamic in need TPE, I find it grounding when I have structure and routine . I get lost with out it, change is hard for me so I rely on that alot from my Dominant. A strong D type suits me best and one that understands that me being ASD I can overthink and read into something, so sometimes I need that reminder " stop breath slow down" it helps me alot. I personally couldn't do anything less than TPE that would throw my world into chaos lol. I hope this was the kind of answer you where looking for.

MountaintopMaster • Feb 10, 2025

Hi Narah! Thank you for your input, I appreciate it. I suppose the only thing further I could ask of you is this: can you recall any specific moments, especially during those rather boring, mundane times in a daily routine, when you still felt the presence of your TPE? How are those types of conversations worded? Especially since it's a TPE, is every single part of your day planned out for you by your Dom, including all the little chores etc? Or are you simply given the day to figure things out somewhat on your own?

Thank you for any further insight that you are able to offer...

NarahPrimal​(sub female) • Feb 11, 2025

Some times I would have free time in a sence where I would write or play with my ropes or find something else to do to keep my mind busy and try not to dwell on him not being available. I do have a child as well, but communicating my needs and him knowing my mind is busy he would give me extra tasks if he knew my day was going to be quiet

Bruised Bambi​(sub gender queer) • Feb 11, 2025

Caveat, I'm not in a dynamic at the moment. So I'm relying solely on myself lol. But I am ASD.
Honestly filling out my journal every day. Having to highlight good things (or sometimes just.. things) and keeping track of my food and gym stats feels very comforting in a way structured dynamics make me feel.
In a perfect world maybe I'd be writing all these things down for a Daddy to give me that sense of structure, but hey!

MountaintopMaster • Feb 11, 2025

Thank you for your input! My curiosity would be this: Do you feel obligated to journal, and does it feel like a real annoying chore sometimes, or is it something you generally enjoy doing and you usually do it of your own accord, and not just because you "must"?

Thanks again for your input.

vasubmama​(sub female) • Feb 11, 2025

For me, it's predominantly when i'm in the vanilla public with Sir. i will say or do something that could appear as a brat to others in the lifestyle, but i only mean it as being fun. Sir will just give me a look that conveys His displeasure, very similar to the ones given by parents of misbehaving children. i immediately will break eye contact, looking down which acknowledges my understanding of my place in regards to His. The volume of my voice quietens drastically, my smile vanishes, and my responses are reduced to "Yes Sir" or "No Sir."

Whiplashgirl​(sub female) • Feb 21, 2025

I can only rely on my 24/7 collared property experience. In our 13 years together, we were rarely away from each other.

Living with someone you’re in a TPE with is much different I would only assume than an online. Which I have no experience to give you.

We had rituals. It is my responsibility to wake him up when he needs woken up. he drinks tea. I make his tea and exact certain way I pour his juice. I put his medication’s and I kiss his neck and that’s the morning. ( 5 minutes worth)

Does that sound boring and normal? Absolutely and yet if any of those things don’t happen, I started to feel a little panicky. If I wish to go off of what he’s told me, it doesn’t feel right to him either. And that’s just one little 5 minute aspect.

I have multiple of those examples throughout the day throughout the years. But what I also know is after I did something regularly day after day, after day, you may need to be careful of a thing called “vanilla creeping”. I went through vanilla creeping about year five where I was sad it didn’t feel like we had a dynamic ( unless playing) because all of the things that I was doing daily felt so normal to me then I let the vanilla world creep into my mind.

And when I tell you this, I tell you this from the aspect of a slave that is bell trained. My Master never called my name. He rang a bell and I came to his side. Now, how do you take that and think it’s vanilla?
But you can

Oh and I’ll give you the last 5 minutes of the day just for optics.

I lay out his pillows and blankets the way he likes, bet him a beer presented in a certain way I do and I get in bed and he said “cuddle up bitch” and I would snuggle up and go to sleep. Sometimes in cuffs and ankle sometimes not. Was up to him.

Little things count. They really do

Respectfully

Whiplashgirl​(sub female) • Feb 21, 2025

Oops I was not sad 5 years with vanilla creeping. It’s was at 5 years in I got sad.
Course within a couple of days and a couple of discussions that was gone, I understood it.