Safety in This Space

Safety in This Space

sub cub​(sub male) • Feb 16, 2025

Hope everyone is having a relaxed V-Day come down whether you celebrate or not. I 'm a newbie here as I have said in a former post. I was hoping some of you beautiful Cagers could give me a little guidance in regards to safety in a site like this. I'm open to thoughts from all of you. Thank you in advance.

- Leaving the site to chat or share pics: I've had several people send me a PM and sound cool at first and on the next message ask me to go to an email address to get to know each other. This seems unnecessary and suspicious. Is it? When I tell them I am more comfortable chatting here, at least at first, Poof! Ghosted.

- Being overly aggressive about being my master/Trainer: I know that I am a submissive man and this self awareness gives me warmth and strength, and often, serenity. I would love to find that special person to submit my will to here. Learning about that journey is why I am here. But, it seems like the process should be intentional and measured. We have to learn some things about each other. Establish some trust, share some yucks and yums, explore boundaries, etc. This should't be a quick process. And it shouldn't be strictly getting straight to the kink, right? Spoiler, it has only been dudes exhibiting this behavior. Before discussing anything about who we were, they wanted me in a chastity lock and sworn to them. And when I say that I'm not ready to jump into that, that stop talking to me. Seems suspicious.

Ideally, I seek a Domme. But I am willing to get to know and learn from anyone. It seems that the relationship between D & s should be absolutely intentional and possibly even sacred. Am I close here for a newbie?

I mentioned in an earlier post that i was shaken down by a scammy Domme in real life and it sucked. I had to get super aggressive and vigilant to protect myself. It put me off of trying this life out again for a couple of years. I want to be smart about things here but not paranoid or standoffish.

I really appreciate your thoughts if you want to share. Hope this finds you all in the finest spirits.

Zoneinlingo​(neither female) • Feb 16, 2025

Don't rush into anything. Trust has to be earned. You will be filtering through alot on here. Be prepared for people just wanting to sextext. But there are people wanting to connect. Just have patience and be mindful.

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 16, 2025

Online scams aimed towards male subs are rife, because, putting it very frankly, the thirst and desperation often displayed by male subs makes them as a demographic worth targeting and often easily played, exploited. Other demographics are not as popular targets, but it's not unheard of for dominants and female subs to be targets too. I myself was scammed on here awhile ago, admin were very good at dealing with that situation, though I suspect there had been other complaints made - that there were other victims I found out after the fact.

I think, the only way to avoid/minimise online scams, is to only attend in person events, munches, workshops, dungeons, and not engage online. The problem with that is there are some genuine people online, though lots of fantasists, wannabees, abusers, and scammers as well.

Take part in the chat room here, and while abusers, fantasists and wannabees are definitely to be found there, scammers less so, though in the case of my scammer they were active there. Generally speaking, scammers don't want to stand out too much, slide under the notice of site members - though I have noticed a fair number of new -to the site- dommes, recently, advertising off site links, which is against Cage's rules, and with profile photos pretty obviously stolen from online.

I think you need to be wary, trust very slowly, and be aware, alert for red flags, re pushiness, trying to take you off Cage, pay to play, pay for equipment, dungeon hire (common scams -particularly if payment is via cash cards), and I would do reverse image searches on any profile images, particularly if they look too good to be true. Take your time, but, and I am sorry to say this, there are lots, and lots of male subs chasing a very small number of lifestyle dommes and being noticed or standing out is usually achieved by doing the one thing most male subs don't do, and that is by being a decent, normal, no kink vending machine vibes, human being. Keep the thirst in check, no titles until those are agreed so keep the ms, mistress, goddess stuff till that domme, and you agree on that. Conversely, if the so called domme starts that from the get-go, that's a massive red flag.

Cage isn't safe, you do need to keep your whits about you, you need to balance how you do that, and any scam attempts report the profile to Cage admin.

Good luck.

That Berry Lover​(sub female) • Feb 16, 2025

The inbox can be quite intense. I think reaching out to the forum is a great start. Abusive behavior often occurs in isolation. It's a good that you are clearing up what is normal and what isn't.

What's most important is taking things at your own pace. As hard as it can be, because subs can be overly eager to be please, don't let anyone pressure you into something that you are not comfortable with. Do your research on scams and read magazines that the site provides for guidance. Knowing the guidelines of safe practice help you with discernment.

Try to make friends with someone that you can talk to, a sort of protector but they don't have to have the protector title. It can be a sub who can validate your thoughts or suspicions or someone more experienced who can guide you through the process of finding a domme.

sub cub​(sub male) • Feb 16, 2025

i am so grateful for your responses and that you are willing to share your experience. It is quite refreshing to know that the people here are willing and eager to make it a safe space . You are wonderful souls. Thank you!!

Orgazmo​(dom male) • Feb 24, 2025

FRIES is an acronym that helps people remember the five key aspects of consent. It stands for:

Freely given: Consent is a choice made without pressure, manipulation, or coercion

Reversible: Consent can be revoked at any time, even if sexual activity has already started

Informed: Consent is only possible if all parties are fully aware of what they are consenting to

Enthusiastic: Consent is mutually
enthusiastic and/or engaged

Specific: Consent should be asked for and received

dollMaker​(dom male) • Feb 24, 2025

I have always taken the S to mean that what specifically is to occur has been discussed and consented to, so it's not general consent, but specific consent.

MasterDomDok​(sadist male)​{you?} • Feb 28, 2025

This lifestyle will get you hurt, so be open to having vanilla creeps go after your every penny, every way they can. Letting your boss know you are kinky was SO Biden. Now with Trump in the White House, admitting it will ensure you get fired, pilloried in the streets, and advertisements to all your neighbors just how your insanities endanger those neighbors.

IT is going to be a rough 4 years, so go hide.

House Talion​(dom male) • Mar 3, 2025

There is no safe space here. The only safety we have of this site is the restrictions put over us by the administration rules and regulations.

Your only safety in all is based on your personal ability to learn what's best for you and how best to get it. Agter that if you're able to acquire such necessities then it's away from the online bs so you can enjoy a real life.