On Being Submissive

On Being Submissive

Frodo​(sub male) • Feb 23, 2025

This has been on my mind for quite some time now. The idea of being a submissive man always was unclear to me. Is being submissive just wanting to get pegged and being called names? That must not be it. In my opinion, that seems like a useless kink rather than a lifestyle. But yet again, am I supposed to devote all my life to this idea of submissiveness? Am I to be on my knees at all times for a woman? And while that does sound like quite the good time, I still have obligations. Dreams and ambitions I want to pursue. Work and chores I want to do.

It is a question that has weighed on my mind ever since I discovered this fact about myself. Perhaps these questions get answered over time once I gain more experience and spend more time in the space with someone. But, being an analytical person by nature, I can't help but wonder.

I do not like the idea of using someone else for your own pleasure. If my partner is not enjoying our sexy time (as I call it) then what's the point? I have found that I am very passionate about making the other person feel better. When she smiles or gives me that evil look, it is if I conquered the lands of the west or explored all of our galaxy. An achievement. A wonderful victory. In it, I gain my own pleasure. So, you can say, the pleasure for me is to please rather than to be pleased.

But what then? Do we just orgasm, clean up, and leave? That seems logical. But does that submissiveness carry over into the relationship? I do not know. Perhaps it does in little ways. I do the chores while she rests. Maybe give her the "queen treatment" if you will. Though I do have to say, I would be awful at that since I will forget to take out the garbage even if you told me a thousand times. Not intentional, just me being a dumb dumb.

These are just rambling to be honest with you. It is a way for me to put my thoughts into paper (or screen?). Excuse the mess.

Have a great day/night and thanks for reading.

VictrixGremTenebris​(sadist female) • Feb 23, 2025

First, thank you for articulating your thoughts so well. In my opinion as a former sub, submission looks different for every sub and every dynamic. For me, it was never about free use or purely about sex. It was a desire to consciously let go of decision making and service. I’ve always chafed at protocols, but little rituals like getting Daddy coffee in the morning made me happy. His smile was all the reward I needed.

My favorite sub looked at as a knight and his Queen. Our dynamic allowed him to decompress from his job as a police officer in favor of my guidance, but he felt a call to serve. It sounds like you are also service-oriented, so my advice is to lean into it and learn the little things that make your Domme happy, which also bring you happiness. Strong communication in any dynamic is essential, so discuss these things!

Frodo​(sub male) • Feb 23, 2025

For some reason, the "knight and Queen" dynamic just invoked a certain emotion within me. That sounds so right to me. It sounds like the perfect scenario/dynamic. I would be protecting and serving yet still under control.

There was a brief relationship which I had with one Domme. The dynamic was pretty much like the one you described. A knight and his Queen. I never really knew why it felt right. I just knew it did. I don't know why I never looked at it like that. But, once again, I guess these things come with experience.

Thanks for the enlightenment. Truly, you shined a light on an area that was completely dark for me.

pioneer man​(sub male) • Feb 23, 2025

Sounds like you have the right idea when you desire to serve. Remember one important rule of nature: "Nothing is One Size Fits All".

For years, I have been a 24/7 live-in Femdom sub. Because you are from Egypt, I am not sure of how dynamics may differ from here in the US.

During our research, one thing a Dom/sub couple said was to be sure you have a contract. This may sound formal and not sexy, but it is just a written list of things (boundries, etc.) that you both agree to. Don't make the dynamic such a big deal that you take away from the enjoyment that both of you are seeking.

One important thing you need to ask yourself and any potential Dom - Are you looking for a Dom/sub relationship or just a Dom that you can have scenes with that does not include a 24/7 committment? Be sure you both understand what each is looking for. A relationship does not involve only sexual tasks, but everything any other relationship would include.

Our dynamic is a relationship. I have only one Dom and am committed to her. I have daily, weekly, and monthly rituals that I do. One day she looked at me and said, " I would like you naked all the time". Now, unless we have visitors, I am naked 24/7 as a sign of control by her and more importantly for her pleasure. When we go out in public, she has picked out certain items that I wear under my clothes as a sign of control - some times she has me go without any underwear, so we both know she still has naked control over me.

Remember, the most important thing is for both of you to enjoy whatever dynamic you choose.

Frodo​(sub male) • Feb 24, 2025

Unfortunately, here in Egypt, that dynamic is not really popular. And it is even looked down upon. But it's the least of my problems with this damn country.

I do have to say, a contract may be a bit overkill for my tastes. It feels like an obligation more than a mutual trust for each other. But I guess it is a way to ensure that both sides are completely safe. I mean, after all, marriage is just a contract too.

Once again, I feel like I'm learning a lot here. The dynamic you have with your Domme is one that I find very cute honestly. Not to take away from it, but the opposite, in fact. It is seriously amazing. It keeps the Domme in control while still giving you the freedom of doing whatever you want with your day. Too much freedom, but still. It is also something that is kept between both of you. It's your thing. Even in public she has some amount of control over you without anyone knowing. That is really smart.

I am realizing I have a lot to learn, though. I don't mind it. It's fun for me. That's what bugged me in the first place. I felt like this is an area with a lot more than just "sex me good". It's like a side hobby almost. One that needs to be thought through.

Thanks for the insights, dude.