on line

on line

dragonsmnd​(dom male) • Jul 5, 2018

I was reading on another site where a dom had issued a punishment to his on line submissive and although she did as he asked (stood in the corner) she said it felt silly now I can understand this to a point spanking your self as a punishment is rather odd, but my question or thought is "are all his commands silly ? and if not, why not ? they are all given over the same medium same distance. Does the lack of personal touch change the nature of punishment ? is the good interaction less satisfying ? did she think the infraction was silly and hence the punishment as well ?

Bunnie • Jul 5, 2018

Good question hopefully the debate of online vs in-person doesn’t arise once again, and detract from your question.
I struggled for quite a while to believe that my previous relationship was”real” which made punishments like sitting in the corner seem odd at first... however, kneeling on rice in my bathtub made it very real lol. I realised it came down to connection. At first when it was still in the light, fun, easy, playful stages, I struggled to take it seriously, and punishment seemed out of place because I was technically having to administer it to myself (in the form of actually doing it and in the way it was expected to be done). However... it requires a lot of integrity and honesty for a sub to follow through on something that they could easily just pretend to say they did, and not do. So looking past the actual acts themselves, there’s a lot going on in the background that isn’t so obvious (a building of trust and respect etc.). Over time, as our relationship developed, it all became much more real. He was much more in my head. Punishment meant I’d done wrong, which felt horrible... so it became less about the act and more about a way of knowing I’d disappointed him somehow... which has nothing to do with location. So for me it comes down to how strong my desire is to please that person. If it’s strong, I could be on the moon and the right punishment could still be effective. Having said that... I think knowing how to punish is a fine art that not all Dom/mes seem to possess. Over punishment or punishment that doesn’t fit the crime, can actually be detrimental rather than a learning curve. It also depends so much on the individual people involved. Punishment is such a tricky one because there are so many factors to take into account.

Asteria​(neither female) • Jul 5, 2018

Punishment can be tricky, doesn't matter whether online or IRL
I believe punishment is a bit like... a little black dress. It has to fit the person who is being punished perfectly, then it's not going to feel silly. But to make a punishment be like this tight, perfectly fitted black dress, a Dominant needs to know his submissive. He needs to put some effort in knowing her as a person, and as a submissive in order to provide proper punishment.

For me neither standing in a corner nor spanking would be efficient. Why? Well, standing in a corner would actually be silly for me (or it would rather be not very efficient), mostly because I can occupy myself with my own thought pretty well, and I wouldn't find it very annoying. And spanking... well, I have
masochistic tendencies, so it would not be a proper punishment for me - it would make me wet and I would enjoy it, and I guess that's not the purpose of punishment.

It is not the distance that makes punishment feel silly. It is simply a method or technique that is not suitable for this particular person. Yeah, the easiest way is to Google something or look on websites like The Cage for some advice (which is not a bad thing itself, no), but it can't be just random punishment that was found on the Internet and then applied, simply because people are different.

I also agree with Bunnie, because even light punishment can be very meaningful and difficult for a submissive if the connection and bond are strong.

dragonsmnd​(dom male) • Jul 5, 2018

I thank you ladies for your comments and I must agree here for the most part but when I read this post on the other site , I remembered something my last submissive told me years ago." its not the punishment its self I hate its that I let my Master down/disappointed him" I dont see that here in the post I am refering to now does that take time to reach ? I dont know If you call him master he calls you his should you not already have reached the point where you would not want to disappoint each other ?

Asteria​(neither female) • Jul 5, 2018

@dragonsmnd
That's not that easy. In theory - yes, the point when someone is one's Master / Dominant, should be the point when a slave / submissive does not want to disappoint him (or her, obviously), because there is already strong connection between them. But... that's just theory. Practice can be a bit different, I am afraid, simply because people are different and have different needs. Some need lots of time to agree on being collared or to call someone a Master / Dominant, but some go with the tide and do it pretty fast. Everything depends on people who are involved in the dynamic, I guess.