Questions about what to expect?

Questions about what to expect?

autobitch95​(sub female) • Jul 9, 2018

I am a new sub and I am just curious about what types of things you all expect or look for in a sub so that I can kind of see what I may be in for and maybe what to expect. Thank you for any and all contributions.

Orgazmo​(dom male){serenity m} • Jul 10, 2018

From your profile it looks like you already have a boyfriend who will be your Dom.

If you are both new to this, TheCage is a great place to ask questions, get advise and learn.

There really is no right or wrong as long as it's SSC (Safe Sane and Consensual) Just find what works for both of you.

Some good resources are the podcasts linked to this website.

Some good books are: "Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns", "The Topping Book"' and "The Bottoming Book".

If there is any question you'd like answered or any specific area of interest the forums on TheCage are the place to ask.

Bunnie • Jul 10, 2018

I’ve struggled with this a lot as a sub. Trying to “prepare” myself. There are things you can do... like educate yourself to discover what you may or may not like (lifestyle and kink), and to learn safety when it comes to play etc., you can also improve on communication, and also manners and etiquette etc. (if you feel that may help to be the sub you’d like to be). Things like that you can do on your own... also self exploration, and getting to know yourself, and what you want and what you have to offer. However, when it comes to the actual submission part, it depends on each individual Dom. Just like they’re all different people... they too, all have different tastes and desires and expectations. I believe that we are a Dominant/submissive, however, the action of Dominance/submission is within the dynamic you create between you both/all. So it comes down to simply learning to let go and following their lead... which (for myself anyway) is an ongoing learning process. I’ve simply come to see the D/s dynamic as a relationship like any other... it just has different components of what makes it what it is (if that makes sense).

Miki​(masochist female) • Jul 10, 2018

Another thing to remember. If you're new to this, it may take time to figure out if it is what you really want.

I had thought I was a sub at one time, but after coming in here and reading that which the many have contributed I'm not the classic definition of a sub. (I'm using that expression loosely) meaning I don't want it full time. I have a pretty decent gig in I. T. and while that doesn't really require one to be beyond moral reproach, letting my private side out or having it get out.. could cause ripples on the career waters that can turn to rip-roaring beach crashing waves down the line. Don't need that.

Additionally the full time commitment to pleasurable servitude isn't in my bag of tricks.

Finally I realized I'ma masochist. I like a good paddling, spanking or even whipping with my sex. But not on a committed basis, and a good dom/sub arrangement needs a commitment not just to this lifestyle but to the other, be it dom or sub, on a long term basis.

That was my windy way of saying, "Sure, avail yourself of all the material put out here by those with the experience, but also follow your own heart and mind. If this is for you a lot will come naturally."