I have always considered myself a strong independent woman. A woman who knew what she wanted and worked to get it. I was just introduced to the scene and am fascinated. I know I am quirky and have a strong personality. I do not want that to change. I want to be myself, but I also like the idea of someone to put me in my place. I am not really a people person, just the thought of D/s sends my heart into overdrive, but I like it.
I am recovering from Agoraphobia (afraid to leave my house) and PTSD, so I already have anxiety issues. I just started dating the man who introduced me to the Life Style. He dropped some hints, I guess and I finally asked him if he was into BDSM. That was my intro. I began to look up BDSM sites and read everything I could get my hands on. I saw what had happened throughout my life. How I, without realizing, had attempted to sub to ex's. I began to see a theme running through my life. i was a sub, or maybe even a slave. I am trying to figure out how it took me 46 years to figure out who I was. So, I guess I am coming out to myself and seeing the world through different eyes. We started out messaging on FB then phone calls. We talked about everything. He seemed to know things about me, I dont really understand how. He knew I had built strong walls around myself in general and that I had had a lot of failed relationships. I found myself telling him everything.
The intense feeling of handing over yourself. I haven’t dressed like a woman in years, I wear an oversized tee with jeans. No makeup, hair pulled back. Why should I put forth the effort when meeting someone as I would never do it again? I have begun to dress more feminine, wear makeup and do my hair. I do it because it will please Master. He fills a place I never knew existed. I will do just about anything to please him. The full submission of body and mind, to just be. When he says I was a good girl or a naughty girl, His girl. How he is my man, my Master. It makes my blood sing.
I am here to learn more about who I am and where I belong.