|New Orleans, Louisiana, United States|
Before you ask, the profile pic is just a stock photo that I like :)
Pansexual, polyamorous**, Southern as fuck, sapiosexual, loud, flirty, nympho, self-sufficient, and argumentative. Curvy, with some extra meat on my bones but fit enough, my actual looks are stereotypically feminine, but my usual behavior and daily dress, not so much. I am United States trailer trash who briefly “made it" to university and began passing myself off as an intellectual to see how long it might last. I read, philosophize, dance, parade, party, boat, hunt, fish, grow, gather, cook, make, build, cuss like a sailor, and more!
I'm obsessed and deeply involved with my wonderfully broken city of New Orleans. I'm constantly hard for history and current events. I'm socio-politically active (generally liberal but things are much more complicated than that) but known for getting on with folks of different views. I delight in intelligent debate and don’t spend a lot of time in surface conversations. I'm not proud of how much I love American football. I prioritize family and friends above all else, myself next, and then my work. I am badass and fiercely loving and a bit broken but grown with my shit together.
In relationships platonic and otherwise: I most value folks with different perspectives, from different walks of life, who can genuinely teach me/learn from me. Becoming ever more well-rounded is possibly my main goal for being alive. I don’t give a fuck about those who message me saying I seem difficult and they’re brave enough to challenge me- I am only interested in those brave enough to challenge me AND be challenged BY me. All valid human relationships should be a two-way street. I seek to be cared for and supported, NOT fixed or saved as a person, and not "trained" as a sub. I seek those who will read this entire profile.
**I consider my polyamory and pansexuality innate orientations, not negotiable lifestyle choices.
First, my personal outlook (all love and respect to those coming from a different place):
Y’all have heard the saying “you don’t have to be a dick to use one.” I am attracted to authority, not anger. Strength, not hostility.
A good way to sum up myself as an alpha submissive would be to add “you don’t have to be a pussy to use one.” Obedient, not mechanical. Submissive, not unquestioning. Looking to be used hard, and then not put away.
I change my own lightbulbs and fix my own sink; I may not be a femme, but I am a Southern woman accustomed to a possibly absurd level of chivalry. The key to each interaction with me is my explicit permission for what's about to happen. Do not ever try to surprise me or sweep me off my feet- neogitate with me. That is how you can demonstrate respect for me. I must be approached cautiously; not because I am dainty, but because I am difficult. If you want to beat me, and then you want to beat me twice, you best ask me politely and you best beat me damn well.
I am not a brat but increasingly identify with the “alpha sub” label. When I am submitting it is complete- after negotiations it is my goal to throw myself utterly into power exchange, but I do not do household/domestic service submission or agree to submissive behavior protocols for being out in public. I will speak as freely to my Dominant partner/s as I do to anyone, which often involves shouting, interrupting, and irreverence. Once someone/s earns my submission, I am completely obedient, attentive, and loyal. But the key to earning my submission is your desire to take in hand the woman I already am, NOT your desire to make me some woman you dreamed of once. I am already who I want to be, and pretty fucking pleased with myself, so if I interest you we should have a relationship where I am free to excercise my full personality.
***I am not interested in obsesive arguments over whether or not I am "bedroom only" and whether "bedroom only" is a bad thing that disrespects the rest of BDSM (short answer- of course not). I respect EVERYTHING SSC, but this is my profile, not a forum topic or evangelical pulpit, so I am just writing about how I personally feel right now to be clear to potential partners.***
Should I ever raise a safe word (for the record, unlikely), I will be ending the session immediately without tolerating bargaining. Negotiations are everything to me. I do seek strict Dominants and want to grow and be pushed and tested, but hard limits I have negotiated must be sacred. I am also actually going to give feedback before and after sessions if I have it. All that being said: don't worry, when I know I've earned a punishment I utterly accept it, and when I'm given a reasonable task I hop right to it.
Now to specifics:
I am newer to the community with several satisfying noncommitted short-term IRL experiences under my belt. Limited experience or interest in online only. In addition to being a straight up nympho, I have always been attracted to both power exchange dynamics and rough sex. I will be straight- I do have a past of abuse that I believe figures into these desires (for me, not for everyone), but that doesn’t invalidate them or make them unhealthy. (I am 100% open to questions on this topic.) However much is nature or nurture, a desire to submit and a sexual interest in controlled pain have basically been lifelong for me, so when I discovered the existence of BDSM, it simply put a name to that. It turns out I was not all that vanilla when I thought I was vanilla.
I am exploring myself mainly as your basic D/s sub with a strong side of sexual masochist. I definitely do not identify as a slave, little, babygirl, or pet, although I admire all those types of healthy kink relationships that I see. I am 100% uninterested in any type of sexual age play, age role play, arousal from real stories about my sex life when I was younger, fetishes for younger women, or power exchange rooted in age difference. My interest in power exchange has nothing to do with age, and certainly not gender- just the interplay that can grow between/among specific personalities. I do not believe D/s is a fulfillment of natural age/gender roles, it is between the right individuals. My main interests as of now are orgasm control, impact play, rope, eye contact restrictions, expanding my repertoire of all things anal, and ever improving my obedience. I frequently identify strongly as a fuck toy but when permitted/ordered I quickly become desperately hands-on and aggressive during sex. When it comes to straight-up sex, I was never a natural “bottom”. Physical top/bottom has little to do with my concept of D/s.
The ideal dynamic for me in the foreseeable future would be periodic tasks, sessions, and resulting punishments as fits our busy schedules, combined with an active friendship that is conducted outside of D/s personae. I do want D/s interaction and tasks outside of just sexual sessions, but still need to be entered into and then released from protocol so that when we are just shooting the shit, developing our friendship we can talk without rules. It is a MUST to address each other by name when we are just talking about life and it is a MUST to share real information about who we are outside of D/s. I require full-fledged real-ass friendships with my partners.
DISCLAIMER: My relationships are valid and courageous and I take them quite seriously but I do tend toward the aromantic. I am not currently on a quest for romantic fulfillment, not seeking a potential Dominant to fall in love with, not interested in combining my entire life with someone else's. I am interested in passionate, intense, trusted, intelligently fluid-bonded polyamorous commitment. Developing a D/s dynamic, deep bonding, and clicking sexually does not necessitate falling in love for me. I would not call what I'm doing here "dating". You have been warned.
Beyond nothing illegal, absolutely no real children or animals, and the forewarning that I insist on condoms where applicable, discussing my in-depth limits in play is an earned privilege for the right moment. Listed here are limits for folks considering whether to engage with me at all.
-Hard limits to messaging me: addressing me as a sub or demanding that I address you as a Dom/me before negotiations, sexually explicit initial messages or pictures, trying to move our conversation offsite right away, one-word messages, and folks with empty profiles. Asking me to do all the work finding a reason to engage with you on no information is essentially asking me to serve you as a complete stranger. Repeated offenses will be blocked and pictures or spammy requests for pictures WILL be reported.
-If you’re really still reading, open your message with the subject line “By the beard of Zeus!” and then I guarantee an answer (unless it's a pic). Serious messages only, as they say, be you a potential Dom/me or friend.
-Not taking my pansexuality and/or polyamory seriously. Do not think you can talk me out of those things over time in a relationship. Do not think you can condescendingly fetishize my pansexuality and one day bind me to "one-penis polyamory". I am not a part-time-bi-for-the-male-gaze gal, I am a genuine lifelong pansexual- in fact gay-leaning overall, so if you equate "pansexual woman" with "dates men but is open-minded", you are way off base. I encourage respectful messages with questions if you don’t understand pans or poly and how they work with submission.
-Cheaters. It's no judgement, honestly, but I can't be involved in situations like that. Polyamory is a delicately balanced lifestyle for me and it would be disrespectful to myself and the way I practice it to bring infidelity into the equation.
-Hard drugs, alcoholism, STIs (I use no hard drugs and prefer not to engage at all with those who do, but in life I drink my fair share and am 420 friendly, but will ONLY engage in BDSM sober.)
-Anything at all that could publicly out my kink. For the record I’m actually intrigued by public humiliation play; unfortunately it is not possible with my life.
-Any potential relationship where all interactions would be in D/s personae, as I said above. As many PMs have asked, no, I'm not against the practice, and, sure, maybe this limit will change one day, but it is important that you hear and respect that at this time I am 100% certain that it is a red limit. When I allow it might change one day, I do not mean after a few nice sessions, weeks, months, or years. I, personally, at this time, am 100% sure that I would feel genuinely dehumanized by someone I care for only addressing me as a submissive. That's just me.
-Daily life choices/clothing control. As I said above I am not femme, but I am completely willing to wear whatever is required during a session, to wear dirty lingerie that only a Dom/me and I know about, and to femme/slut it the fuck up for you of my own volition from time to time when I know you want to take me out and show me off. But you will not change the day to day of who I am and how I present at work or to my friends, and if dictating someone's clothes and makeup is an important part of this for you, you will find me highly disappointing. My formation as a woman who is not a femme is as much a part of my identity as being a femme is to those who are.
-Considering the (far) future potential of live-in D/s with a primary, I will NEVER want a relationship where I must quit my job or any type of financial Domination. Anyone truly thinking long-term, consider this carefully because I fucking mean it. Also referring back to my “About Me”, the likelihood of me permanently moving away from New Orleans is very small.
I am not necessarily shopping for a Dominant, but I never consider myself closed off to new partners. Adding someone new will take a real connection. It's not a line to say that my schedule is pretty full right now. I have a fuck ton going on, both good and bad, with work, friends, and family. I am in three long-term vanilla poly experiences with trusted partners and quite recently stumbled into one BDSM "bedroom only" agreement with a friend. It's bedroom only because they are ultimately seeking a committed romantic relationship and we will stop getting together when they find someone to seriously date, so we agreed it could get messy for them to engage in any D/s interaction with me that isn't purely physical. As I said above, I am ultimately seeking a deeper addition of D/s to my life with regular and not always purely sexual tasks, punishments, and opportunities to serve inbetween scheduled sex, but I ain't in a rush or on the prowl.
So if you want to message me as a potential partner, be straight up about it and we'll talk, see if we fit and then if we can fit each other in. Or if you want to be friends, message me for conversation; I am all in. But don't pull that weird shit where you message as a friend with a secret plan to "wait it out" until I take the "not looking" off my profile. Let's just be friends and let what happens happen. Friends are great, and mouths are also for talking.
I am always, always interested in engaging- and respectfully combative- conversation about kink or life or anything. If you're in the mood to just open a discussion on a random thing that pissed you off today, I'm probably your gal. Especially for platonic friends, I am really interested in those who live all over the world, as far away from me as possible.