|New Orleans, Louisiana, United States|
Before you ask, the profile pic is just a stock photo that I like :)
I believe this is the most important section of my profile. If you believe “BDSM and me” is a person’s most important section, move along with all good wishes; I understand and respect you, but we are here for different reasons.
Pansexual, polyamorous**, Southern as fuck, loud, flirty, nympho, self-sufficient, and argumentative. Curvy, with meat on my bones but fit enough, my actual looks are stereotypically feminine, but my usual behavior and daily dress, not so much. I am United States trailer trash who briefly “made it" to university and began passing myself off as an intellectual to see how long it might last. I read, philosophize, dance, parade, party, boat, hunt, fish, grow, gather, cook, make, build, cuss like a sailor, and more!
I'm obsessed and deeply involved with my perfect and infamously flawed city of New Orleans. I'm constantly hard for history and current events. I'm socio-politically active (generally liberal but things are much more complicated than that) but known for getting on with folks of different views. I delight in intelligent debate and don’t spend a lot of time in surface conversations. I'm not proud of how much I love American football. I prioritize family and friends above all else, myself next, and then my work. I am badass and fiercely loving and a bit broken but grown with my shit together.
In relationships platonic and otherwise: I most value folks with different perspectives, and I don’t give a fuck about those who message me saying I seem difficult and they’re brave enough to challenge me- I am only interested in those brave enough to challenge me AND be challenged BY me. All valid human relationships of any context should be a two-way street. I try to be well-rounded and am most intrigued by folks from different walks of life who actually have something to teach me/learn from me. I seek to be cared for and supported, not fixed or saved. I seek those who will read this entire profile.
**I consider my polyamory and pansexuality innate orientations, not negotiable lifestyle choices.
First, my personal outlook (all love and respect to those coming from a different place):
Y’all have heard the saying “you don’t have to be a dick to use one.” I am attracted to authority, not anger. Strength, not hostility.
A good way to sum up myself as an alpha submissive would be to add “you don’t have to be a pussy to use one.” Obedient, not mechanical. Submissive, not unquestioning. Looking to be used hard, and then not put away.
I change my own lightbulbs and fix my own sink; I may not be a femme, but I am a Southern woman and when it comes to granting access to my vulnerability, I am accustomed to a possibly absurd level of chivalry. The key to each interaction with a Southern woman is extracting our explicit permission for what’s about to happen. I must be approached cautiously; not because I am dainty, but because I am difficult. If you want to beat me, and then you want to beat me twice, you best ask me politely and you best beat me damn well.
I am not a brat but reading with increasing identification about “alpha subs.” Do not expect me to be particularly deferential out of D/s context. If you're actually reading, that should already be clear. As quite a bossy woman who takes natural leadership roles with work, family, and friends and often gets drained or simply bored by that, I wildly long for the moments when I offer up control. Once someone/s earns my submission, I am completely obedient, attentive, and loyal. But the key to earning my submission is your desire to take in hand the woman I already am, NOT your desire to make me some woman you dreamed of once. I am already who I want to be. So if I interest you, there will be no need to train me. Just take me.
Should I ever raise a safe word (for the record, unlikely), I will be ending the session immediately without tolerating bargaining. Negotiations are everything to me; I seek strict Dominants, but hard limits that I have negotiated must be sacred. I am going to have a real say in how I am handled. Before and after the total obedience I promise during sessions, I am going to offer real input. If you can’t accept regular feedback, move on with all good wishes and search for a sub who is more of a slave. I am hardheaded and not easily talked into/out of things I know I want/don’t want.
All that being said: when I know you are pushing me within my limits for my/our growth, challenging me within a safe session, or when I know I have earned a punishment- I will utterly accept.
Now to specifics:
I am new to the community with scattered but satisfying IRL and very limited online experience. I have never had a full time long term Dom/me. In addition to being a straight up nympho, I have always been attracted to both power exchange dynamics and rough sex. I will be straight- I do have a past of abuse that I believe figures into these desires (for me, not for everyone), but that doesn’t invalidate them or make them unhealthy. (I am 100% open to questions on this topic and the details of my story/thoughts.) When I discovered the existence of BDSM, I felt that my own desires were simply being named. It turns out I was not all that vanilla when I thought I was vanilla.
I am exploring myself mainly as your basic D/s sub powered by a strong masochistic streak. I am not interested in slavery whatsoever. Although I am highly attracted to and admiring of the emotional bond I see in Daddy/Mommi/lg relationships, I have never yet felt like a little and also have zero interest in sexual play revolving around real or imaginary age dynamics. Same goes for feeling like a pet. My interest in power dynamics has nothing to do with age or gender, just the interplay that can grow between/among specific personalities. My main interests as of now are orgasm control, pain in a sexually masochistic context, expanding my repertoire of all things anal, eye contact restrictions, improving my obedience within protocol, and the never-ending intricacies of rope bondage. I frequently identify strongly as a fuck toy but when permitted/ordered I quickly become desperately hands-on and aggressive during sex. When it comes to straight-up sex, I was never a natural “bottom”. Top/bottom has little to do with my conception of D/s. I am interested in completely serving during sessions but I have no deep connection between that idea and physical “bottom-ing”.
The ideal dynamic for me in the foreseeable future would be periodic tasks, sessions, and resulting punishments as fits our busy schedules, combined with an active friendship or romantic relationship, depending on how we connect, that is conducted outside of D/s personae. I would be a great fit for a poly Dom/me seeking a secondary/tertiary sub who is not live-in. I am not currently looking to combine my life with someone else’s in a romantic and/or D/s context.
We MUST speak about our lives/the world addressing each other by name and we MUST have real information about who we are in our vanilla lives. Recall my polyamory; someday when it is right, and will not be rushed in ANY way, I will share a long term romantic relationship with my primary Dom/me. Others may be romantic or not; deep bonding and clicking sexually does not necessarily mean falling in love to me, although I am capable of, and experienced with, loving more than one person at a time if that is how the cookie crumbles.
Beyond nothing illegal and absolutely no real children or animals, discussing my in-depth limits in play is an earned privilege for the right moment. Listed here are limits for folks considering whether to engage with me at all.
-Hard limits to messaging me: addressing me as a sub or demanding that I address you as a Dom/me before negotiations, sexually explicit initial messages or pictures, trying to move our conversation offsite right away, one-word messages, and folks with empty profiles. Asking me to do all the work finding a reason to engage with you on no information is essentially asking me to serve you as a complete stranger. Repeated offenses will assuredly be blocked and likely reported (if they are pics or requests for pics, DEFINITELY reported).
-If you’re really still reading, open your message with the subject line “By the beard of Zeus!” and then I guarantee an answer (unless it's a pic). Serious messages only, as they say, be you a potential Dom/me or friend.
-Thinking you can condescendingly fetishize or one day override my pansexuality or polyamory. I encourage respectful messages with questions if you don’t understand what I’m talking about.
-Cheaters; I genuinely feel for closeted kinksters in vanilla monogamy, but I am polyamorous as a lifestyle and it’s not the same thing as infidelity. I can’t be involved in that- no judgement, I can't imagine the pain of your situation, but I am assuredly not the person to help you handle it.
-Hard drugs, alcoholism, STIs, immaturity, dishonesty. (I use no hard drugs and prefer not to get involved with those who do, but in life I drink my fair share and am 420 friendly, but will ONLY engage in BDSM sober.)
-Anything at all that could publicly out my kink. For the record I’m actually intrigued by public humiliation play; unfortunately it is not possible with my life.
-Any potential relationship where all interactions would be in D/s personae. I do believe this limit will last a long time/forever for me, but for now I am certainly too new. All respect, truly, to those who do things a different way, but I personally at this time in my life would feel genuinely, non-consensually dehumanized by the practice of never being addressed by name by someone I care for.
-Daily life choices/clothing control. As I said above I am not femme, but I am completely willing to wear whatever is required during a session, to wear dirty lingerie that only a Dom/me and I know about, and to femme/slut it the fuck up for you of my own volition from time to time when I know you want to take me out and show me off. But you will not change the day to day of who I am and how I present at work or to my friends. My formation as a woman who is not a femme is as much a part of my identity as being a femme is to those who are.
-Considering the (far) future potential of live-in 24/7 D/s with my primary, I will NEVER want a relationship where I must quit my job or any type of financial Domination. Anyone truly thinking long-term, consider this carefully because I fucking mean it. Also referring back to my “About Me”, the likelihood of me permanently moving away from New Orleans is very small.
I am always interested in friendship before anything else. I’m mainly here to keep learning about the BDSM community and make connections. Currently, I’m very committed to my work and family and have some real, time-consuming personal shit going on. I’m also engaged in several romantically casual but long-term and committed polyamorous experiences with trusted partners. I never consider myself closed off to new partners, but my schedule is pretty full right now. Adding a new partner will take a real connection. I am ultimately seeking an addition of D/s to my life but it is NOT to be rushed at all, and will probably only mean one or two partners who do not require daily demonstrations of lifestyle submission (commence the argument on whether I am “bedroom only” and whether that is a bad thing. I don’t know or care- I am just trying to be clear about the headspace I’m currently in and only seek those who are compatible so no one gets hurt).
I believe strongly in friends before lovers, talks before fucks, people before kink. If you would consider it a waste of time to become friends and then never have a relationship work out, move on, because I don’t! Sometimes that happens. Friends are great, and mouths are also for talking. ("Mouths are also for talking" stolen with permission from the first woman who taught me not to be afraid to communicate during vanilla sex.)
I am always, always interested in engaging- and respectfully combative- conversation about kink or life or anything. If you're in the mood to just open a discussion on a random thing that pissed you off today, I'm probably your gal. Especially for platonic friends, I am really interested in those who live all over the world, as far away from me as possible. The U.S. is so self-centered and we all play into it, so tell me what's going on where you are, please!!