kajisun

other female

46

Female, Submissive Middle, 46, Hispanic, 5’3” , Relationship - It’s complicated. No judgement.

Updated 6/17/24 added some clarifications in various areas.

Read to learn more about me and what I am looking for. Don’t want to read? That’s fine, please move along if reading is too much.

First, the elephant in the room, It's complicated in that I’m married. Staying married has been a struggle especially since I knew I was kinky, and was ready to not be ashamed like I have been in the past. I finally told him I wanted to explore, and he did not…it took him months to even start to try just about anything. I was super shamed for the first month or 2 because he was super duper vanilla. He has made me feel disgusting, immoral, and like something is wrong with me. He’s tried to do some things but how he feels about it is very luke warm. Further, every time I’ve asked him to do something new, he has to “blur his own boundaries”, morality, or somehow make it OK in his head. I don’t want somebody who has to break all their boundaries just to keep me. It doesn’t seem fair and could lead to resentment. I want someone who is going to enjoy the dominant aspects of a dynamic. There is a creativity that comes when one enjoys stuff like this. Either way, I’m not really getting what I need in any type of dynamic other than vanilla, he is not very dominant either so while I am sexually hurting a little, there’s not really a dynamic there either other than vanilla. I am currently working on a plan to end the relationship and renting a room somewhere, but as mentioned, it’s complicated and takes money and time annnnd I don’t wanna be out on my bum with no money or place. Honestly, I don’t want to hurt him but it’s come up several times so I think even he knows our days may be numbered.

For my vanilla likes; I love audiobooks like a whole bunch. I tend to lean towards Romantic/Dark romantic/Romcom/Romantasy /fantasy books. I Would like it if Daddy would read me my stories too. Maybe glean some ideas? I can read some dark shiz, and it may turn me on, but this doesn’t mean I would want it done to me, like a pew pew, Haunting Adaline, if you know, you know.
I’m in a couple of online book clubs. I love anime, but binge watching anime or K-Dramas with my stuffies when I find a good one is the best. Even better would be if Daddy liked them too.

I like walks in parks/ by lakes, or just beautiful areas where there are some types of paths. I want to get back into hiking but cannot do that alone for safety reasons. I also like to do some gardening with flowers and vegetables, and I like having berry bushes. All those berries are just so tasty!

I do have an associates degree in IT, it’s kinda useless lol but I sure did feel awesome putting in my own heat sink. I went for my bachelors degree in psychology, sociology, and human development; however, I ran out of funding realllly close to the end, but I still find those three topics extremely interesting especially sociology.

I have an almost unhealthy obsession with organizing things and cleaning of certain things; I have a little bit of OCD going on so a Daddy should be prepared.

I am a submissive middle, I’m not property, so I am not in need of a master. I’m not a brat, I just don’t want slave to be brought up please and thank you.
Looking at my pic, i want to note that i am not a furry, just love love love adorable things. I do like to wear kitty cat or fox ears though. Maybe a cute little tail butt plug? But not a furry. I am not a masochist, though I do like some pain, it’s definitely not sadist level, so no Sadist Dom please.

Need a firm and very Dominant possessive daddy. I will be his and no one else’s. He will need to be strong in his possessiveness. He will stand up for me, and show me how a man truly handles what’s his. I need that type of dominance, one that will be stronger than my own. With most things I’m very submissive, but overworking myself is hard to stop and a Daddy will need to give me a stop work time. Also would like it if he will allow me to explore by being able to learn, go to educational munches, or just to be in kink bookclubs or activities with other likeminded ppl. I don’t like feeling so alone.

Again, keep in mind that I am a middle with the love of some super cute things like littles; what I do and how I am is not age play, it’s just me. I am still a little one, princess and baby girl that loves her stuffies/squishies, but I overwhelmingly love dirty talk, some rough handling, choking and other not very princess-y like behaviors.

I need a loving relationship with a daddy that will take care of me in all ways including first and foremost my well-being but being honest and upfront with me as I am right now right from the start. I want my boundaries pushed a little by a handsome looking Dom (in my eyes) , aprox. 6ft or pretty close, fit, and in my area hopefully, but not a deal breaker. Age wise, would like someone who actually knows kink-wise what they are doing and know what they want, mostly ish. I will go no higher than age 50 without several good pros. I will be looking to eventually do 24/7, not TPE. Further, it should never be just about sex, but that will be an enormous plus if you’re good in that department. I need to have structure, consistency, stability in all things, including a bedtime. I need rules, and punishments if I break rules. Routines, and not too many big surprises.

I do need to be a little micromanaged with food and ensuring I give myself self-care. I have a hard time with both. For food, I need my Dom to be able to have portioned out items for me to cook or to prepare portions together to cook with my daddy. Breakfast needs to be proportioned to serving that he feels would be best for me. The rest I just need accountability and support like exercising or doing certain things. If I don’t have management, I won’t eat meals. I will simply have cereal or snack all day. Snack could be on fruit, but whatever is easiest is what I will do.

I need the man to hungrily try and get to know me, but also open up himself to me and tell me about himself too. It’s a 2 way street. My middle side needs attention daily, so I really need to have a Dom willing to do that right off the bat. It could be a question a day or see how I’m doing that day, just something.

I wouldn’t mind starting online, but will need to be in person eventually. If you live far away then it would be expected that eventually my Dom will need to relocate me to him. Hmm I guess he could move to my state and rent or buy a place here too if he wanted to. I do have my daughter who’s moved out but lives in MI, so it would be nice to stay in MI, but that is not a deal breaker.

I give this little list ahead of time because there should be no surprises in the things I absolutely need/want.

I require:

Need a Non smoker
Can smoke pot on occasion, like at a party or something outside.

Understand that I will not marry again; however, wouldn’t mind types of collars or something else instead of marriage, if that time came with the right person. This collar will be more of a choice the both of us made to belong to each other. Always my Daddy and I’m always his little one/baby girl. This would not be a slave collar. Nothing that literally locks around my throat.

I will not have any more children.
If possible, I do not want any kids in the picture. This may be a deciding factor for me in declining a relationship. If they are not already really close to being on their way to live their own life, then I will likely decline. I truly do not have it in me to deal with, most often, the poisonous friction of biological parents who are no longer civil. Obviously, if adult children need to come back to the home for whatever reason that is understandable. They are adults though, so they can take care of themselves (Feed themselves, do their own laundry, will work and have their own car). I don’t mean to sound like a bitch in this, but I truly need sanctuary, a safe place without a lot of drama day in and day out. Unfortunately, kids tend to be the epitome of drama. I don’t feel I would truly be moldable putty if I always need my walls to be up for the kids around. At this time in my life, the 2 younger kids currently in my life already overwhelm me. They are not my biological children, and while I do care for them a great deal, they are staying with their dad.

Do not yell at me. I am a very emotionally sensitive person so I will not tolerate this. I will mentally shut down first, so don’t count on me yelling back in general. Just may break it off soon after if not handled properly.

Daddy must have excellent hygiene especially when it comes to mouth and nether regions. Very sensitive taste buds and high gag reflex.

As I have mentioned in the previous paragraph regarding my sensitive taste buds, I do not want to kiss with gross mouths. Morning breath or coffee breath can have me feeling nauseated. lol even my own breath. Coffee I just hate the taste even though I truly tried to like it.

My biological daughter is an adult already, but I will always be there/have a place for her no matter where I live or who I’m with if she were to need it. If this is something you do not intend to give. Please know this will be cause to decline a relationship.

I have a little 11yr old rat terrier that comes with the package as well. He’s in very good health for his age.

I want to be seen as a companion, partner, and a person with opinions and ideas not a “yes wo/man” to everything, but in the end, my Dom will have a good deal of control over me once everything has been negotiated. I will bend to his will if it has been negotiated. This would include mentally, physically, emotionally.

I will need to be taken care of emotionally, physically, and financially since I will be doing my best to make my partner content in the life we share. I will do my best to excel at taking care of my Daddy.

I don’t want to ‘have to’ work but, I do like to work part-time (anywhere from 1-3 days a week of the school year). I require my small amount of money to remain mine. I cannot be as weak as I am now, if trouble arises.

I will have freedoms when it comes to political ideology which I lean left (voting, supporting groups with likeminded goals, etc.). If you are fairly conservative, right leaning, we may not get along. In practicing religious beliefs if I want (Christianity, but it’s not likely that I will go to church), and to donate a portion of my time to a good cause within my community if that is what I wish.

If you speak multiple languages, speak in English around me. The last thing I’d want is to not trust my partner. I grew up with this, and I will not do it again

Discuss, but no scat, abdl, golden showers, needles/knife play, slave, anything that will make me feel enclosed, (I am a fairly claustrophobic, so no cages, or plastic wrap, or other stuff where it’s not easily removed).

I do wanna try Shabari , But I don’t necessarily know if I can handle the complexity of some rope bindings.

I do have a kink list to share if it comes to that point. Somethings on my soft/hard limit list may be changed to be semi-preferable if they are changed to fit me.

I have trouble with deep throating but willing to be trained. Very high gag reflex so if sperm taste bad or even smells strong, I will vomit. Not sure how to train that out… but if it’s possible, I’m willing to try. I don’t mind it on any other part of my body if that helps.

Not much, just chillin atm, trying to figure out my life and how in the world am I gonna live on my own when this relationship finally ends.

Jun 17, 2024

Feb 23, 2024