Ilmare​{Not Lookin}
sub female

New Jersey, United States
Relationship status
About me
I am in search of something. That thing that resides in the deepest recesses of me. Buried under the rubble of my life experiences. It is an ember struggling to stay lit. Suffocating. Starving. You can only see its amber glow if you are close to it. To get close enough, you have to be willing to traverse the riches and ruins of my life. Fearless in your pursuit. Passionate enough to embrace it. Loving enough to nurture it back to life. A steadfast sentinel guarding a gift bestowed upon you in an age where loyalties and appetites ebb and flow with the lunar phases.  I consider myself average. Height 5'6 and Rubenesque, straight, monogamous. Dark brown hair that is silvering and fair skin. I have a fairly high libido and vivid imagination. I enjoy creative writing and learning just about anything. I think all of the time - nonstop. And, I enjoy a good conversation on a variety of topics. Trust is not one of my strong points though I am able to discuss a great many things. Some things are a bit more painful than others. I prefer an intellectual and physical attraction with a potential partner. I also prefer my partner to be close to my age range.
BDSM and me
I am a late bloomer in this lifestyle and have been trying to peel away the layers to find my role. I have yet to experience the D/s dynamic in a relationship. However, that is my goal. A relationship that dives into the deepest depths of the bond. Loyal. Safe. Trusting. Protected. A healthy D/s relationship. Who is my Sir? He is strong of heart, mind, and body. Strong enough to weather my storms. He is compassionate and loving. Demanding and stern. He wants me to fly, but not too far from his protection. He wants me to grow into him - to bond. He has a strong desire to explore me anticipating the drift of my moods as if hunting for the moment he can get the most out of me. He plays and teases to raise the anticipation. Whether he has bound my hands to ankles taking what he wants or we are binge-watching Netflix, every day is an experience. I learn from him. I miss him when he is away. I crave his touch on my body and my heart. To this Sir, I would surrender myself. Communication is essential. It takes time to know a person and build trust. Laying a foundation for what is to come. Loyalty and fidelity are paramount. While I have a few arousing interests, it may take time for me to reach my full potential. Patience will be required as is a mutual attraction.  -- Interested in: Spankings, candle wax, rope play, shibari, suspension, vibes, gags, massage/exploration, hair pulling, e-stim, and possibly anal. While I am interested in the sexual aspect of the lifestyle, I find myself drawn to experience a high protocol mental exchange.  Keeping a total power exchange on the table as the relationship evolves.

No one complains of being a prisoner of love who has ever been a prisoner of loneliness.                                                                                                         - Robert Brault
Physical/Mental abuse, humiliation, choking, polyamory, sharing, permanent marks, children, scat, urine, blood, needles, knives...
What's new
While I am thankful for being able to explore this side of myself, I do not believe I will find what I am searching for here. For purists, I am not what they deem to be a proper submissive. I feel I will have better luck finding a vanilla that wants to experiment than find someone here that is interested in more than just a temporary engagement. 

I cannot give all that I am to something temporary. 
Life is temporary enough as it is.

That said I will stop in from time to time to read my favorite blogs. Feel free to drop a line, but know that I am not looking. 
Update date
Monday, May 11, 2020
Member since
Sunday, April 14, 2019
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