I'm mid-60s, retired professional, Doctoral-level qualifications, married. We live in the North-East England, UK.
Many readers of this profile will know that naver and I have run a programme which has the aim of promoting self-esteem in those who identify as women. We have done this for many years, since around 2001 (long before The Cage came along, we worked in person mostly and via "Yahoo Clubs" and "Yahoo Groups" for those abroad). We have now decided that it's time to retire from that work, so we will be taking on no new people to our courses although, of course, we will continue to support our alumni as we have always done. (If you are one of our graduates and you have not heard from us personally, please let us know.)
We have done some statistics of what we achieved:
* the programme ran from 2001 to 2023, with a year missing while we moved from "face to face" to virtual because of COVID-19 restrictions;
* in that 20+ years, we helped about 150 people develop themselves;
* some of those stayed on the programme longer than others, some taking a year, others longer (the longest was five years);
* we continued to support "graduates" for as long as they felt necessary, and will continue to do so;
* we have testimonials from many, all of whom have felt their potential as people developed;
* they say that this would not have happened without us;
* the ones that stand out are those who have achieved success in their personal or professional lives.
We are very proud of what we have done and how we have helped.
Happy memories are important, whether they be mine or yours. After all, we are all about our experiences and the way we adapt our perceptions according to our experiences.
We are (and will continue to be) active locally through personal contacts and gatherings. We have been less and less involved with on-line BDSM working, probably because we follow "old school" BDSM practices where "Master" or "Mistress" status was hard won through training, development and practice and was conferred by one's peers. I was introduced to dominance and submission in 1977 or so (before BDSM as a tag was adopted). I think that the groups sprung up then because of films such as "Histoire d’O" and "Maîtresse" but by the time I came along, it had developed significantly. The idea of a "Master's cover" was not around then and I was given what is now understood as "master status" by my group about four years later. In those days, dominance and submission didn't have to be sexual and in our club, "swingers" identified specifically as such. There was no question in my mind as a dominant, though, that the practice was incredibly empowering and erotic ... it just didn't necessarily involve sex.
A bit of history.
Before we retired, my wife and I ran an educational programme which aimed to help people learn to:
• handle life’s challenges
• feel courageous and confident regardless of external circumstances
• get to know themselves and what their limitations are
• develop new ways of communicating
• be accountable and take responsibility for their life and actions
It used the basic tenets of the Dominance/submission dynamic to fulfil these aims, and was aimed solely at submissives. It was aimed primarily at those who identify as women. We have run this programme with many cohorts over several years.
We aimed to help people who struggle against low self-confidence and low self esteem. and can see their dreams and ambitions slipping away. Under our leadership the team here used D/s to help people work through their demons. We melded D/s with education and life coaching to come up with a programme that we know can work because we have helped others to do the same. Not everyone is right for the programme of course, but if someone is right for it we help them by:
• raising personal confidence:
• challenging shyness, finding out what to do, making up for lack of experience and lost time
• exploring fetish and kink: explore submissiveness or fetishes, especially when people have known about them but repressed them, leading to challenged relationships or a feeling of being alone because you think you're different?
How did we do this? We focused on individuals and what they could achieve through standing strong and proud on their own two feet, learning to appreciate themselves and what they look like and could do as a strong, powerful people. By taking small steps, they built self confidence and through it, self esteem.
This was NOT a commercial enterprise, we charged no money for any of our work. We did it because we care. We only had five people at a time on it so that we could provide 1:1 input and we generally had that number at various stages in their programme.
If you are interested in discussing the learning theories that underpin our approach, we’d like to hear from you.
Anyone connecting with me must want to do so. Read what you see about me, ask questions of me, decide for yourself whether you want to connect to me. If you do, that’s great. If not, that’s fine too. But this, like whatever you do in life, should be done with intentionality.
I have been asked by The Cage to clarify that I do NOT charge for my services, never have and never will. I am a retired professional educator and am happy to use my experience and skills to enhance the lives of others, gaining my reward from their success. I now work mostly but not exclusively on-line ... led that way by Covid and it works fine now that we don't have such restrictions any more! I can use Zoom, Teams and WebEx if videoconferencing is necessary but am also happy to work via email.