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BigJinBigDdom male
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Texas, United States
BigJinBigD
Age
45
About me
(no you may not have permission to do Anything with
ANYTHING on my profile,
any of my writing,
my likeness,
my bio,
or anything that i have shared with this community,
for any purpose,
without my consent)
Okay i havn't updated my profile in a while and i think this is probably the best thing i can do, explain what i am and how i feel about it. Show some scientific or at least some sociological studies about these things to help define them, and then explain a few things i will not tolerate.
CLOSED TRIAD! I can understand my vanilla friends not being able to grasp what this really means. Its outside their realm of normal, i get it.
My 64 year old mother understands that I am Poly, and only interested CLOSED TRIAD types of relationships, and on top of that understands what both of these things mean.
All of my friends, and all of my family should know by now, I am honest to the point of TMI. I am open about my life and the happenings thereof. If i have a problem you will either sit down and talk to me, or you will listen to me talk while i lay it on the table. You will never be surprised by something that has upset me if i can help it. (sure there may be some things that pop up from time to time) In short, ima talk it out even if i have to talk to a wall.
If you are in the scene, a part of the community, claiming to be poly please take the time to understand what you are claiming to be, what it really means.
This is particularly interesting. Apparently there is a string of articles/books written that distinguish both Polyamory, and Swinging as one thing, which I would disagree with. Both are described as "open marriage" which i do not find fitting for a closed triad Polyamorous relationship. I will come back to this later.
- Polyamory is motivated by a desire to expand love by developing emotionally involved relationships with extramarital partners. (clinical definitions differ to a small degree, i have simply pulled this from wikipedia, same as below)
- Swinging is motivated by a desire for physical gratification by engaging in sexual activities with extramarital partners.
Both of these are explained further by the following article, i will link, then display a short excerpt:
White, V. (2004). A Humanist looks at polyamory. Humanist, Nov-Dec, 2004. Retrieved July 16, 2006 from http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1374/is_….
"Polyamory is not promiscuous superficial, unthinking irresponsible sex. Polyamory is not swinging. In my mind swinging is a perfectly responsible choice when neither party is coerced. But when swingers agree that they won't develop loving relationships with the people they swing with, swingers aren't polyamorous. When swingers do develop lasting, loving friendship with their swing partners I would say that what they're doing is indistinguishable from polyamory." (White, 2004) [7]
Below i will show how www.morethantwo.com describes both closed relationships and triads. (monogamous, or fluid bonded/Body fluid monogamy)
CLOSED GROUP MARRIAGE: A polyfidelitous relationship in which all the members consider themselves to be married.
TRIAD: 1. A polyamorous relationship composed of three people. 2. A union or group of three. Usage: In the sense of Def. 1, generally, the word triad is most often applied to a relationship in which each of the three people is sexually and emotionally involved with all the other members of the triad, as may be the case in a triad consisting of one man and two bisexual women or one woman and two bisexual men; however, it is sometimes also applied to vee relationships.
I also want to define a few things that I am NOT, or will not do myself, nor will i allow them to take place in my relationships. IE: DEAL BREAKERS:
CHEATING: In a relationship, any activity that violates the rules or agreements of that relationship, whether tacit or explicit. Commentary: In traditional monogamous relationships, any sexual activity with anyone outside that relationship is generally viewed as cheating. In a polyamorous or swinging relationship, sexual activity with people outside the relationship may or may not be seen as cheating, depending on the context of that sexual activity and whether or not it violates the agreements of the people in that relationship. Even in such relationships, most commonly sexual activity without the knowledge and explicit consent of the other members of the relationship is likely to be viewed as cheating.
DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL (DADT): A relationship structure in which a person who is partnered is permitted to have additional sexual or romantic relationships on the condition that his or her partner does not know anything about those additional relationships and does not meet any of those other people. Commentary: Many people in the polyamorous community frown on don’t ask, don’t tell relationships, and choose not to become involved in such relationships. There are many dangers in such relationships, including the idea that a person who claims to be involved in such a relationship may simply be cheating (as the relationship often provides no mechanism by which that person’s partner may be contacted to confirm that the relationship permits other relationships); the fact that many people choose DADT relationships as a way of avoiding and not dealing with emotional issues such as jealousy; and the fact that DADT relationships are built on a foundation of lack of communication within the existing relationship.
FREE AGENT: Colloquial A person who practices polyamory in a way that tends to separate or isolate all of his or her romantic relationships from one another, treating each as a separate entity. A free agent often presents himself or herself as “single” or behaves in ways that are typically associated with the behavior of a single person even when he or she has romantic partners, and often does not consider the potential impact of new relationships upon existing relationships when deciding whether or not to pursue those new relationships.
The below may not be a deal breaker, but i find that it is one of the most dificult things to deal with in a relationship.
NEGATIVITY: Lacking positive or constructive features, especially:
a. Unpleasant; disagreeable:
b. Gloomy; pessimistic:
c. Unfavorable or detrimental: a negative review
d. Hostile or disparaging; malicious:
Lastly we will touch on jealousy. I find that a certain amount of jealousy is very healthy for a relationship. But just like drinking too much alcohol there is a point where this can become poisonous, or even fatal to a relationship. The link below is a very good place to help really understand jealousy and how it affects relationships. (i will have some excerpts here)
http://www.morethantwo.com/jealousy-insecurity.html…
-"Jealousy is most common when somebody feels insecure, mistreated, threatened, or vulnerable in a relationship. If you feel secure in a relationship, you don’t get jealous. Jealousy is not the problem; jealousy is the SYMPTOM of the problem. Address the insecurity or the things underlying the feelings of vulnerability, and you address the jealousy. So the trick to making a poly relationship work is to make everyone involved feel secure, valued, and loved."
-"Jealousy, like other emotions, doesn’t come from nowhere. It comes from a feeling that someone’s needs aren’t being met, or someone feels threatened. People who don’t feel threatened, don’t feel jealous."
-"One key to making the relationship work is to talk about your fears, openly and immediately, EVEN IF YOU THINK THEY’RE IRRATIONAL. Often, naming your fears, bringing them into the light, deprives them of their power."
ANYTHING on my profile,
any of my writing,
my likeness,
my bio,
or anything that i have shared with this community,
for any purpose,
without my consent)
Okay i havn't updated my profile in a while and i think this is probably the best thing i can do, explain what i am and how i feel about it. Show some scientific or at least some sociological studies about these things to help define them, and then explain a few things i will not tolerate.
CLOSED TRIAD! I can understand my vanilla friends not being able to grasp what this really means. Its outside their realm of normal, i get it.
My 64 year old mother understands that I am Poly, and only interested CLOSED TRIAD types of relationships, and on top of that understands what both of these things mean.
All of my friends, and all of my family should know by now, I am honest to the point of TMI. I am open about my life and the happenings thereof. If i have a problem you will either sit down and talk to me, or you will listen to me talk while i lay it on the table. You will never be surprised by something that has upset me if i can help it. (sure there may be some things that pop up from time to time) In short, ima talk it out even if i have to talk to a wall.
If you are in the scene, a part of the community, claiming to be poly please take the time to understand what you are claiming to be, what it really means.
This is particularly interesting. Apparently there is a string of articles/books written that distinguish both Polyamory, and Swinging as one thing, which I would disagree with. Both are described as "open marriage" which i do not find fitting for a closed triad Polyamorous relationship. I will come back to this later.
- Polyamory is motivated by a desire to expand love by developing emotionally involved relationships with extramarital partners. (clinical definitions differ to a small degree, i have simply pulled this from wikipedia, same as below)
- Swinging is motivated by a desire for physical gratification by engaging in sexual activities with extramarital partners.
Both of these are explained further by the following article, i will link, then display a short excerpt:
White, V. (2004). A Humanist looks at polyamory. Humanist, Nov-Dec, 2004. Retrieved July 16, 2006 from http://www.findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_m1374/is_….
"Polyamory is not promiscuous superficial, unthinking irresponsible sex. Polyamory is not swinging. In my mind swinging is a perfectly responsible choice when neither party is coerced. But when swingers agree that they won't develop loving relationships with the people they swing with, swingers aren't polyamorous. When swingers do develop lasting, loving friendship with their swing partners I would say that what they're doing is indistinguishable from polyamory." (White, 2004) [7]
Below i will show how www.morethantwo.com describes both closed relationships and triads. (monogamous, or fluid bonded/Body fluid monogamy)
CLOSED GROUP MARRIAGE: A polyfidelitous relationship in which all the members consider themselves to be married.
TRIAD: 1. A polyamorous relationship composed of three people. 2. A union or group of three. Usage: In the sense of Def. 1, generally, the word triad is most often applied to a relationship in which each of the three people is sexually and emotionally involved with all the other members of the triad, as may be the case in a triad consisting of one man and two bisexual women or one woman and two bisexual men; however, it is sometimes also applied to vee relationships.
I also want to define a few things that I am NOT, or will not do myself, nor will i allow them to take place in my relationships. IE: DEAL BREAKERS:
CHEATING: In a relationship, any activity that violates the rules or agreements of that relationship, whether tacit or explicit. Commentary: In traditional monogamous relationships, any sexual activity with anyone outside that relationship is generally viewed as cheating. In a polyamorous or swinging relationship, sexual activity with people outside the relationship may or may not be seen as cheating, depending on the context of that sexual activity and whether or not it violates the agreements of the people in that relationship. Even in such relationships, most commonly sexual activity without the knowledge and explicit consent of the other members of the relationship is likely to be viewed as cheating.
DON’T ASK, DON’T TELL (DADT): A relationship structure in which a person who is partnered is permitted to have additional sexual or romantic relationships on the condition that his or her partner does not know anything about those additional relationships and does not meet any of those other people. Commentary: Many people in the polyamorous community frown on don’t ask, don’t tell relationships, and choose not to become involved in such relationships. There are many dangers in such relationships, including the idea that a person who claims to be involved in such a relationship may simply be cheating (as the relationship often provides no mechanism by which that person’s partner may be contacted to confirm that the relationship permits other relationships); the fact that many people choose DADT relationships as a way of avoiding and not dealing with emotional issues such as jealousy; and the fact that DADT relationships are built on a foundation of lack of communication within the existing relationship.
FREE AGENT: Colloquial A person who practices polyamory in a way that tends to separate or isolate all of his or her romantic relationships from one another, treating each as a separate entity. A free agent often presents himself or herself as “single” or behaves in ways that are typically associated with the behavior of a single person even when he or she has romantic partners, and often does not consider the potential impact of new relationships upon existing relationships when deciding whether or not to pursue those new relationships.
The below may not be a deal breaker, but i find that it is one of the most dificult things to deal with in a relationship.
NEGATIVITY: Lacking positive or constructive features, especially:
a. Unpleasant; disagreeable:
b. Gloomy; pessimistic:
c. Unfavorable or detrimental: a negative review
d. Hostile or disparaging; malicious:
Lastly we will touch on jealousy. I find that a certain amount of jealousy is very healthy for a relationship. But just like drinking too much alcohol there is a point where this can become poisonous, or even fatal to a relationship. The link below is a very good place to help really understand jealousy and how it affects relationships. (i will have some excerpts here)
http://www.morethantwo.com/jealousy-insecurity.html…
-"Jealousy is most common when somebody feels insecure, mistreated, threatened, or vulnerable in a relationship. If you feel secure in a relationship, you don’t get jealous. Jealousy is not the problem; jealousy is the SYMPTOM of the problem. Address the insecurity or the things underlying the feelings of vulnerability, and you address the jealousy. So the trick to making a poly relationship work is to make everyone involved feel secure, valued, and loved."
-"Jealousy, like other emotions, doesn’t come from nowhere. It comes from a feeling that someone’s needs aren’t being met, or someone feels threatened. People who don’t feel threatened, don’t feel jealous."
-"One key to making the relationship work is to talk about your fears, openly and immediately, EVEN IF YOU THINK THEY’RE IRRATIONAL. Often, naming your fears, bringing them into the light, deprives them of their power."
Update date
Jun 15, 2017
Member since
Jun 15, 2017