I'm a man who has been shattered by sorrow who is trying to pick up the pieces. The woman I loved with all my heart, a broken person who was trying to move on from severe abuse in her past, who was my best friend, and my mission for 7 years, lost her fight with addiction recently. She defines me. My life is a reflection of my love for her. My priorities, mannerisms, and ways I interact with others comes from tenderly loving an abused angel.
I could tell you about my job (a driver right now, which pays the bills, but it's not all that fulfilling, and doesn't pay a lot more), my ambitions (becoming an engineer of some type, likely mechanical), and hobbies (gaming, hiking, and, if I can make the money to afford it, perhaps flying), but if you want to know who I am, ask about the woman I lost.
I've been interested/curious about BDSM for quite some time, for the simple reason that I find many forms of it to be immensely sexually attractive, and I've been interested in exploring those kinks in real life. However, I've supressed my interest for years, as I didn't feel it would be healthy for the person I loved. Now that I'm trying to move on, I'm taking a look again.
Researching into the lifestyle, I'm starting to see potential benefits of a D/S relationship, beyond just fun sexy time. Creating a safe cocoon for someone where they are free from the anxiety of decisions for a time, in a place where they are exposed and vulnerable, but also perfectly safe and loved, seems like it could be mutally benefitial for both people. However, I've seen first hand the carnage of abuse, and I don't ever want to become the abuser, so being in a position of that much control scares me. I'm not sure I could do it in real life.
Wrote a bit of a script for a scene. I'm not sure if anyone actually does that/not sure if I should share it, but I know I lack the creativity to come up with something in the moment, so I want to have a repertoire of ideas in case I start playing around with someone.