I'm a sub but I'm confident. I'm into fearplay yet I'm brave. I'm a mental masochist yet don't enjoy the physical pain itself (needs a reason for it. even if a reason is for your entertainment). An insult can be a compliment. It's all to do with context. And rewards and punishments. I enjoy the rough and harsh treatment and being pushed hard. Yet I also enjoy the gentler touch and softer tones when such has been earned.
Into a number of kinks and I could list them but it's a long list and again has to do with context. Don't mind and am even into taboos too. There is no judgement here. Just be aware that something can "Seem" bad yet just because it can and has been doesn't mean it always is or will be. Logic applies with kink and none kink alike. Because of "context" (eg: how things are done, not just what is done itself. Mixing things together can help too) I can get into a lot of things.
That said trust and loyalty is earned, not given. And that's a two way street. I want to get to know someone here and see how things go. Perhaps care enough about each other to look after each other. I might be "looking" for a dom but you're your own dom. And I'm my own sub. Everyone has different desires and needs. Talk to me about mine and I'll talk to you about yours. Look after me and I'll look after you. Things that happen not only in a relaionthip but long before them, which is how such things have a way of "just happening". I want to get to know someone online first (Because I'm hardly about to move for a stranger) and if things go well end up as a RL sub/pet/slave. All three are fine with me. Just be aware that I choose my own chains.
People do stupid things for a reason. I never blame and always seek to understand a situation. Communication and such. To put things into context I've had an angry, spiteful ex blaming me and wishing the worst of me and I never held a grudge back. Now I'm one of the few people she's able to open up with. I look past fear, hate and even mistrust. If there's a "seemingly bad situation" then I seek out an answer, be it for my peace of mind or yours. I don't expect others to be as observant as I am. You're not me and my experiences come from a past of learning the hard way. Suffice to say it's made me more open minded.
Pixel company helps with getting to know each other as well. "Gestures without words" and such. Though it's also possible to achive this with more "text based" means. Posting helps. Which can be on a more personal and less IC (in character) manner then in an IC only one. Posting towards each other as opposed to our characters for example. I can find the later fun, but only if the former is in place. I am a person, not just a character. If you don't know what I mean by this I'm basically saying it's possible to show our "actions" with text. If it's towards a person it can carry meaning. The enviromant and language can change but the core elements of showing support, doing things and expressing an interest remain the same. If you had a bad day I could type something like "Taramafor hugs X person" and then talk about it. A small and simple thing but something that could mean a lot. I would do it in person if I could. I'm all the way over here far away, so take the gesture for what it's worth or don't.
The last thing I shall add here is that people are around or not as they will or won't. And that others matter too, to you as well as to me. Not just people either. One can take a more active interest in games or a location. Or even being alone and having time to themselves. For my part I enjoy being used and remaining active. But I don't expect you to be around me 24/7 either.
Hmm... BDSM. Many people oversexulize this I think. I can enjoy a good time as much as the next guy but I'm into the things I am as much as none sexualy then sexualy. Let's take choking as an example. fun when getting laid. But it can also be a nice way to pass out on top of someone that you feel close too even when you're not having sex with them. Gags and blindfolds. Fun when in the middle of things. Can also be fun to be a mute for a week and adapting to the change of enviroment (I find it fun anyway). Calling me useless? Makes for a good pet name. Now it's used in both.
Speaking of sex, I need to care about you and be close to you in order to "feel it". I don't "just fuck". I go out of my way to please you. And nothing turns me on more then knowing another is there for me as much as I am for them. Give my leash a good, hard yank and pull me close to you and all the better. A "harsh" form of affection perhaps. I'd trust in that. Of course such a thing could also be done to pull me into striking range for a punishment but that's part of the fun for me. Facing the unexpected and unknown. Wondering if I been good or bad enough and which will come next.
As for good and bad, that's subjective. Everyone has their own way of being handled and handling others. Doms and subs and even those that aren't alike. I want to be treated in ways I like and don't like. To be punished with reason and without (keeps me guessing). As long as it's interactive and engaging then it's all in good "fun". Though of course it can be very serious too. Yet with the goal of long term happiness in mind.
Also I take the bad with the good of things. Caring enough to be there at someones worst. And even to suffer for them. Long as there's good stuff there as well and things even out it's all fine. Naturally the logic works both ways. It's a simple saying I have. "If you can't accept me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." My other saying is "Loyalty over morality". This one is explained simply enough. I don't try to be a good person. I try to be loyal.
Very few really. Neglect goes without saying of course. It's not very engaging when I'm left on my own (Sticking me in a cage or leaving me tied up somewhere for a while can be fun though). Maybe not mess with the nipples, since those can be permanently damaged. Despite that I will take pain even to extremes.
Oh, there is one I put my foot down on. Others matter. I don't decide how others are engaging with each other. I shall not stand for it being done with me. It's always "In a different way" because everyone's different too. In any event the time we share together is always "our" time and not that of others.
Also I will be here in the ways I am. Not the ways you want me to be. Expect less from me and you'll get more from me. I love being used and even abused. Place expectations on me unasked for or without talking to me about it and it's going to be an issue (That said feel free to spring things on me). I shall of course expect nothing from you either. You will do as you will and be here in the ways that you are.
Oh, and lack of communication. And don't compare your past experiences to me. I'm me, not others. You're you, not others. We all have concerns about how we treat others and how they treat us but just because a bad thing with X subject happens with X person does not mean it will go the same way with person Y. Can be as something as simple as a kink or something more personal like trusting yourself to be there for someone because you hurt others in the past. The question I ask myself when I get to know someone is "Do I trust myself with THEM". I'm happy to say it's always been yes, past expereinces and fears for others aside. I do not expect such trust at the start. I will work hard to earn it. If you mistrust me though it better be something I did. If there is a concern talk to me about it and don't fear the worst without even talking to me about how the subject affects me. I in turn will do the same with you. Without knowing each other trust is absent. Few things bother me more then someone fearing the worst of me at the first oppertunity and avoiding me before even giving me a chance or getting to know me. I bet such things bother you when people flee in terror without checking in with why something bothers you too.
Dishonesty. Keep things honest. Hell, you can even struggle. Just don't lie to me.
New? Well I gotten to know people with trust issues lately. I seem to have a knack for zoning in on peoples fears and helping them overcome them. Tends to be on a personal level. Sometimes on a more "Professional" level if someone comes to me. The later can lead to the former too. It's never about "Knowing better". If you're telling me something doesn't bother you when you're ranting about it though I'm putting my foot down and calling BS on it. Not because it bothers me, but because you wouldn't be being honest with yourself, which people can be hard on themselves for. Speaking from personal experience on this one. Deluding yourself can end very badly. Especially when you fool yourself into thinking you're an uncaring monster that has to be perfect for everyone. What's more no one ever knows best for others. For example: Do NOT assume trying to spare my feelings will "protect" me. It has the reverse effect if anything. And that "Flaw" you're blaming yourself for? Could be one of the things I love about you. Even mistrust can have a posative effect at times, when it's applied to a specific situation. I may or may not get out of line if I'm uncuffed, as an example. Doesn't mean it's a bad thing if I do either. Catch on to it and leave me cuffed and I'll appreciate that you noticed. If I never got out of line you'd never have a reason to put me in it. That can be really fun.
That reminds me, don't spare my feelings. The logic is "Fear silences tongues". Got an issue with me? bring it up. Remain silent? Let the issue remain unresolved with me not knowing what it even is and being unable to do anything about it and hurting you when I don't even know that's what I'm doing. And that's the last thing I'd want to do. Which is why I won't spare your feelings either. Logic, honesty and truth. These are the things I value most. Though sometimes it can be fun to not tell me something with a more "playful" subject. Getting me to figure out how to be good or bad for example. But if it's a "serious" matter, again, communication. I had to talk someone into being more honest with me not too long ago. Despite having to say "This is why you're hurting me and not being nice to me" (Which can be hard to say, which is why I'm understanding when people struggle too) we ended up laughing things off some minutes after.
Friday, February 16, 2018