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Silent Observations

Just my random thoughts as I try to learn and grow
16 hours ago. Jul 6, 2020, 10:46 AM

Understanding what drives me right now is difficult. I know where I want to be and it is a long path to get there. But knowing what day to day drives me is hard. Ive been challenged quite a bit the last few weeks. Hence why I have been quiet here and had to stop my rope challenge.

My challenges has left me feeling a bit drained and slightly disheartened. To be not doing as well as what I thought I was. Anyone who knows me, knows how hard I can be on myself. I over analyse and question my abilities. It is something that I have been working on changing within myself. To trust myself more, have more confidence in my abilities and stay true to what I desire. But what if that becomes blurred through having to deal with constant challenges??? I generally welcome opportunity for growth but right now I feel a bit tired. Like i need a break from it. I dont understand what it is Im ment to be learning through these phases and it just leaves me feeling horrible. 
Ive been trying to relate my submissive side and needs to my daily life. To my work (how I can serve without expecting anything in return) to my friendships (being open and communicating) and to how I carry myself. To try to stick to a certain level of of presentation. To expand my mind through education. It has been good but now I have been tricked out of money and criticized for my work. Possibly because i opened myself up to my more feminine and submissive side, the emotions I feel now are being exaggerated. Intensified. It brings back my neediness. 


However I did have a break through in regards to understanding where my co-dependancy comes from. I never understood as I have been blessed with very loving parents and a positive upbringing. It was shown to me very simply. Because I grew up with parents who didnt want to let me go. So they created that co-dependant relationship. It comes from love but cripples me at the same time. So now when I find myself feeling like I do. That Im not doing well enough. That I should be achieving and striving forward more than what I am I instantly start to feel that need for support. When I am on fire nothing can touch me. I am my own driving force. But when I have had a few knock arounds, my ego beaten, my pride bruised. It brings me crashing back to earth and I desire the warm embrace and a lap to cuddle up in. To tell me its all ok. To hold me till I dont need holding anymore. But the bed is empty, the house is quiet and its just me. I have my beautiful children but I need to be a support for them. It feels difficult to always feel like I need to be a pillar. Sometimes it would be nice to have that masculine strength and love behind me, wrapped around me, like a safe cocoon.


I dont want someone to necessarily tell me what to do. Just to have that support. To know I dont need to explain myself. To hear the voice that resonates with my soul. To calm me and keep me centred. To remember who I am, where I am placed and where I belong. To be exposed and comforted at the same time. And have trust in their hands and words alike........ 

2 weeks ago. Jun 21, 2020, 1:25 PM

Finding quite in a little temporary solitude. I had a beautiful day down at the beach with my kids. Swimming, building sand castles, climbing trees and exploring rock pools. It was glorious and I feel so blessed to live in such a beautiful place and be with my children. Who challenge and inspire me simultaneously. 

After 3 hours of fun it was quiet time in my house and I had the opportunity to tie. Today was single leg day.

 

Not exactly sure what I was going for here but i had fun lol. The tie changed a few times. I am trying to learn the Celtic knot but I  couldn'tquite make it work. But i will keep trying and will hopefully make appearance.

 

 

2 weeks ago. Jun 20, 2020, 2:01 PM

I feel much more comfortable with these simple ties. It shows me how far I need to go and how much I am to learn. Love the aesthetics of this tie and its simplicity.

 

Sometimes its the simple things we need. Building the foundations 

2 weeks ago. Jun 19, 2020, 3:35 PM

I have struggled to find time for rope for the last couple of days and to me it shows in my lack of creativity and finesse. 

Today I had multiple ideas for objectification and was frustrated at my other attempts. I might keep them up my sleeve for the next round if I make it that far. So I went for something simple being a study desk. Sitting in a bridge pose with my shoulders and head on a pillow, forcing me to keep my hips level to keep the laptop stable.  This tie was lazy and I was frustrated but I still got it done. Felt a bit like a chore today rather than something of pleasure

 

Tomorrow it is back to feet for round two.

2 weeks ago. Jun 18, 2020, 2:20 PM

Todays tie nearly didnt happen. I had a busy day and all I wanted to do was have a hot shower and curl up in bed with a book. BUT instead I put on my little girl socks and panties, pulled out my rope and tried to figure out a tie involving a prop. 

I walked around my house looking for inspiration. A chair...... maybe...... a wooden spoon..... a candle... hmmm kind of hard..... finally decided on my vibrator. Kind of an obvious choice but i was wanting to try find some inspiration. 

Ive never tried  using props so the idea is very foreign to me. I found a few ideas on how to tie the vibrator without it slipping out of position or moving.

Once I got tieing I felt better and am actually quite surprised how comfortable this is to wear. The pressure is also surprisingly good. Enough to be a tease but probably not enough to cum which would be extremely frustrating but also fun if mixed in with the right elements as well. To have it used more as a torture element. 

 

Enjoy 💜⭐💋

2 weeks ago. Jun 17, 2020, 5:59 AM

Sooooo I missed yesterdays due to... well life. It happens but back on track today. 

Torso ties are fun but as a self tie are difficult as you cant really see what you are doing on the back. So i go by feel and also counting how many times I've done something. 

This tie is from my new book (first attempt) and I added a little at the bottom as I extended the rope. 

 

I dont often share the sight of my skin but in the interest of being true to myself and loving my perfect imperfections I decided NOT to change for the purpose of the photos but just tie in what I was wearing for the day. 

Goes without saying that body/torso ties have lots of different points to be aware of especially in the groin and neck regions. Like always start off looser than what you think and build up. Especially when having your ropes loop and cross eachother, your central rope will gradually become more taught. Any sign of pain, tingling or numbness remive ropes immediately 

3 weeks ago. Jun 15, 2020, 9:53 AM

This is a really simply tie but one I can wear all day if I wanted to. Obviously tieing my arms together is impossible for a self tie so i went for a decorative one. This one you could add in flowers or bind your arm with someone elses (I've seen a wedding pick like that looked amazing).

Be aware to not make anything too tight at the wrist that effects your blood flow.

Just in time too I got my first ever book. I cant beleive it has taken me 2 years to get one. Normally I just follow videos or copy images, making it up as I go.

Cant wait for Torso tomorrow. 

3 weeks ago. Jun 14, 2020, 2:12 PM

I am only a few days away from end of semester exams and its heads down bums up 😂😈

Little mini break to do my rope has helped with my reset and back into studies. It allows me a way to use my brain in a different more creative way. Rope is so many different things for me depending on what i need. Anything from a warm hug to a seductive dance and erotic pleasure. I never know where it will take me or what it will show me but it amazes me the different feelings i have experienced in rope. Today is grounding. Resting. 

 

Im really hoping that with this 30 days of practice my skills will improve as the ties at the moment never turn out how i have them pictured in my head.

 

Todays tie

 

 

Infinite love and gratitude to to you all 💜

 

Update: As I was undoing the tie I figured how to make the heart shape i was going for

 

3 weeks ago. Jun 13, 2020, 11:48 AM

One of the things i love about a corset is that you can wear it under clothes. You dont want to wear restrictive rope for too long but it can feel nice to wear rope in public without anyone noticing

3 weeks ago. Jun 12, 2020, 12:42 PM

Im not so great at hip harnesses BUT i absolutely love them. I have kept this one a little loose for safety. As mentioned before  there are main arteries that run in your groin/hip creases.

You should never ever experience "pins and needles" or tingling. This is a massive red flag that something is wrong, remove ropes immediately