It's been a while since Ive visited or posted and I feel different being here again. I felt like my kink was coming from a place of need for someone or something to heal me and I got lucky enough to gain the tools to heal myself. It is by far still a very long journey but I am in a good place being more aware of my anxiety and giving myself permission to be who I am. I use to think I needed to get another's approval to be me and now I'm building myself. It still has some work but I see a result that will have what I was missing.
You look at a person and you know if they know who they are and when I looked in the mirror I was lost but now I've found myself and I love him and he is amazing. Facing the conscious and subconscious me has been an enlightening experience. Im no longer a typically high energetic person who has to fill the silence in a moment or try and answer a question you haven't asked. I don't make eye contact with you when we speak cause I have to allow my brain to be free in my thought. I hear you and absord your words with all of me so I can meet you as you are. When I respond it is from the unadulterated me without motive or intention. All I want is to be at peace while we interact and if I can do that then I can be around you. I won't think when I'm doing something cause my actions come from a deeper place then contiousness. I feel all that I do and that is what drives me cause my body is a vessel that carries out my spirits will and if I will to be with you it is with you whole.
My peace is your reward and with that comes more then I even know. Because love is without effort and without cause it is with the blank minds and suddle tones. With freedom while holding hands and holding eyes. That is what Ive found within myself but I am not sure if I will find myself with anyone else. I will to find someone who has found themselves as well and us be together.