I love that a BSDM site is my own personal journal.
I am increasingly horny. I don't know what to do about it and I'm slightly concerned about it.
I haven't had sex in about 3 years maybe. Mostly cause I wanted to change the standard for intimacy I was willing to engage in. I haven't masturbated in a month and there is a growing drive inside of me. Increasingly create sexual drive grows. I am excited at the thought of many different sexual interactions. The fantasies will casually come and go throughout the day. It may be that I just haven't gone this long without any form of intimacy. Usually, I would release myself but it increasingly became more detrimental to my overall mood. I want an intimate experience to be enriching but instead, I was left feeling depleted.
Part of what has caused my situation is I am just not what I believe is the right place to find a partner or partners. After 10 years of service, I decided to pursue my college education back home. I've claimed my own room in the family house but at the age of 29, it isn't really the prime time for prospective partners. I feel obligated to focus on my education for which I worked so hard to get a chance at pursuing and my family relies on me being successful.
I don't have time for the bar or to go through the paces of propositioning random strangers on the internet to see if they're interested in a sexual experience. The only members of the population I am most exposed to that I find interesting/elligable are the teaching staff who are potentially not worth the trouble and vise versa.
In a time of increasing individual isolation, I find myself in a trying time with a need to be met but insure or unaware of how to meet it since my past customary ways are no longer available to me.
I go to the gym. I eat well. I'm attractive. I get looks around campus but I just haven't put the time in to deal with the convoluted hoop-jumping. Because at the end I know if the effort put into the act does not equate to the satisfaction the act its self brings the experience will be tainted and I will be left feeling less than I already do. I just don't have time for failure right now. LOL, this is the beginning road of an incel LOL.
As scary as that thought is due to how true it may be I must make the effort. I need to set some time aside to remedy my situation because if I do no one else will. Begins my gradual quest to get laid. Like a classic early 2000's college movie I embark on the failures the road has before me. Embarrassment will be something I have to get familiar with but you do not find success without a trial of failure behind you.