When I first started in BDSM and any relationships of any kind I made damn sure everyone knew I was the dom the Alpha and Omega! I don't know if it was a result of abuse of shunning myself of needing to project nothing but a fountain of strength so I was a "Dom" / "Top" only! Women and even the first few guys I dated while figuring things out at times were shocked how even simple moments if there push back got resulted in a backlash of me wanting to break them for daring to show such insolence.
You wanted to try and top me of all people even for a second prepare for me to drive you into the ground pinning you by your throat asking you if you think this is a game filled with the fury of raging rapids. After even if they bowed there head still I felt awkward because they dared to challenge me and that itself was the only disrespect they needed to show for me to feel they didn't understand me.
Yet with age and wisdom I see that was coming from a place of insecurity of fear towards vulnerability. The moments I let go of control and started to flow with my partners I started to see a dynamic that was less force and more us. As I became more of a switch I Started to read my partner and play in the dynamic with them instead of drive them into what I wanted.
The reason why I am anxious around many doms is when I interact with them I see that they have many of those same poor tension moments when it comes to giving up control. Nothing wrong with that most my life I was there myself and I totally can understand how for some people that's what they need.
My natural desires often lead me to perfer dominate position but once I let the roles and strict expectations go, and started appreciating my lovers and what they bring to the tabel each as a unique expression of this brief moment called life. My sex and happiness was greater.
That's when I felt I reached something higher then a title of mistress or master and gained my own appreciations for the diversity within humanity.
Ps. Don't expect if you're a Dom and you wanna be with me that I can always sub that's not how it works. It isn't a for the moment thing, sure if I'm with a Dom matching the energy will naturally cause me to bring out my subby side more but it can't cause me to alter who I am, no sex or relationship is worth that.
Love the one and only,
Icegirl