I have talked about being intersex quite a few times in my blogs as a way to vent, and to be frank as I kinda expected I have had idiots talk to me about it almost in a fetish sense which means they see the word but don't read about my particular condition. Here is the best written medical summary I have seen.
People with CAIS are genetically male – 46, XY (instead of 46, XX) – but in every other way, they are female.
When an egg is fertilised, the sperm determines the gender of the child, so this is already decided by the time we start growing in the womb. All babies are by default female.
CAIS is an interruption in the growing process when the foetus would ordinarily be changing from the default girl into a boy. What you end up with in CAIS, for all intents and purposes, is a woman.
You wanna know what's different from me and other females? Nothing due to my condition and as I am sure you can see from my pictures I developed a typical female body in every respect.
Even though I am less masculine because of my condition then most females on the planet i get at times harassed. Most women have some and respond to testosterone ever see those women body builders who use T for an extreme example. Well I physically can't respond to T at all this plays out in odd ways even though I am 5'8" i have tiny delicate hands, baby soft skin, with size f 38 breasts. ( It is at times revolting how fem I am)
I literally hate my body... All these people just by me trying to express what I am going through remind me I am othered. Even though I'm a typical female in every way biologically. It just happened through an unsual process. Roughly 1 or 2 in 90,000 have my condition I live in the United States so that's pretty much 10,000 females running around like me with a Y chromosome that didn't function properly.
If people could take the time and think about it all males do have an X chromosome! What do you think would happen if the Y chromosome didn't function? It makes logical sense that my body to exist would get its instructions from the working X chromosome that's the overly simplified but clearly rational way this happened. It could happen to anyone just that I am one of those cases.
What hurts me more is that when I tell people this just like my family they are somehow disappointed. Like oh your just a biological female boring. This just proves to me how ignorant of intersex most people are the majority of intersex people are cis gendred like me. The fantasy of both sets of genitals can never happens in real life.
The people who obsessed over intersex bodies literally have a fetish driven by hentai, porn and trans people who don't get all the operations and they are projecting those unfulfilled desires onto intersex people, it pisses me and the majority of us the fuck off.
I literally never one day in my life got a choice to be anything but a biological female. Hell there was a time my family due to insane XY equals male bullshit tried to have doctors give me treatments to masculinize me without my consent or understanding but my body was unable to change and you know what happened after that they were disappointed in their daughter for not being a man.
Many females have to live in the shadow of a prefered male sibling or have a sister who was favored. You know who I was never good enough to measure up to?
Myself!
My entier damn life interacting with my mother I was always worse then alternative universe me who wasn't female. I wasn't: Smart enough, strong enough, caring enough, talented enough, I never could measure up to a person I never could be. I was in her own words this disappointing underachieving weak emotional female who couldn't achieve half of what I could have if I had been male.
Quite an enjoyable life where you feel blighted for existing. The unwanted mistake. I plan one day to write an autobiography and i always had the idea of the tagline the child not even a mother could love of have it somewhere because she would say that to me often.
Maybe the specifics of what I been through are unique but the feelings are universal. I am a female that suffered alot of inhumane treatment for no other reason then ignorance.
I speak out about being intersex not because its fun or I enjoy it quite to the contrary Its painful. I often end up in tears I am crying right now as I type this. But how can anything ever get better if no one speaks out? So few intersex people want to talk about there conditions because they are used to painful blow back.
In a bizarre way I am in a privileged position I am biologically a Female with no health issues as a result of my condition thus its less sensitive to me then some intersex conditions that have more issues associated with it.
My problem has been emotionally how other people and there treatment of me has made me feel for being a female. Its like even though I'm a woman I am often treated like Im some cheep imitation or even worse in the case of my family as i mentioned earlier that I'm some mutated freak that I should have been male.
Wrong in so many cases I am exactly how i was meant to be. I was born female am female bodied and for the most part have a female gender identity. Being othered so much in my life sometimes makes me hate my existence many intersex people because of this treatment believe we make up a third sex. If you wanna read about it here is a link on the topic
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Legal_recognition_of_non-binary_gender
In my country New York state ( where I was born) was one of the first to offer amended birth certificates for intersex people who want a third sex designation and many intersex advocates were pushing for me to have it amended as some of the first wave in the country.
I refused I don't feel like a third sex I feel like idiotic people who refuse to listen learn and understand make me fucking sick of repeating myself that I'm a typical female it gets on my nerves but it doesn't change the fact that I'm female bodied.
Does it make people feel good to pick on someone with a unique health condition that for what its worth I don't believe should be a health condition at all. I have had Doctors apologize to me for being female like what in the fuck is my life.
Why is being someone at female at birth with a female gender and sex something they feel the need to apologize to me about? Other women be frank here how the fuck would you like it if randomly at times you'd meet a new doctor they would look at your charts and say "oh wow 😳 sorry. I mean there was nothing that could be done." I am fucking coming in for a broken writs and your busy talking this bullshit.
Rant concluded.
