The life choices I made weren't an accident. I have smashed the glass out of a burning car while a grandmother sat inside screaming once.
I come on the scene as a private ambulance stopping because we had no one in the back. "We have to wait for the fire department to come back up; this is too dangerous," my partner says as I jump out of the car.
I said, "What's dangerous is living with myself knowing I didn't do everything I could to save a life."
I fly to the car next to the grandmother on the passenger side; she's confused, her daughter and other bystanders safely on the side walk screaming for help as others are on the phones and or taping. I don't care i got work to do I tell my partner "you Handle them I will help grandma"
Grandma is bleeding from the head - airbag deployed, shes frantic. I tell her "I am going to get her out, but I need you to cover your eyes." I have to do this because the door is damaged and won't open. I can smell the gas fumes and the heat from the engine, and I know time could be limited.
Bystanders want to assist me, I tell my partner to get them back "I don't have time" I smash the glass with my raptor, and the grandmother is startled and starts to scream as the safety glass is all over the place I make sure to brush it aside.
I tell her it's ok, and lean in give her a light hug, and let her know the situation warrants her movement to safety and I will ensure it happens.
First I need to assess whether she can be moved safely. My partner screams about the fuel leak getting worse and says the situation isn't safe; pull back.
I am like, "If it's not safe for me, it's not safe for her." let me do my job.
So I check her C-spine, her sensation, her eyes, and her ABCD's Her bones, and I am flying through the work; maybe it will get done in 1-2 minutes. Her spine is good, her bones are good, basic assessment it seems like a bit of shock, possible concussion, a slight bruise and mild bleeding on head and panic. I let her know that I am going to cut her out of the belt and pull her from the car through the window, and she is like, "Are you sure?" I am like, "Much safer than sitting in a car with a possible fire in the engine and fuel leak, yeah?"
She agrees.
I ask her to hug me and push off with her feet as I pull her through the window. I get her out, she is then holding onto me in a bare hug, and I gently get my hand under her and hold her in a cradle position as we go to the nearby grass. I ask my coworker to get some sheets and a pillow before I lay her down.
When the ground is ready I lay her on the blanket and get right beside her on my keens, saying, "Hey, how's it going?" with a relieved smile she seems to be alert and responsive.
She's still confused and asked "what happened." I told her that her daughter got into an accident and your side of the car was damaged from hitting a wall.
There was a fuel leak, so once I assessed you could be moved I had to move you for fear it could ignite, or you could have issues from inhaling the fumes.
She then was like, "Who are you?" I'm Anya, an NREMT; I'm just glad to be here in your moment of need.
Then I went on to do a full trauma assessment and get her prepped to leave.
After another 5 minutes, the fire department ambulance showed up. When they got there, I gave them the rundown and helped turn over my patient to them. They were pleasantly surprised that everything was ready to go.
A magnitude of intensity burns within me craving freedom!
I feel most alive the more extreme the situation; can you believe the world wants me to stand in line for 15 minutes at Target to buy some bagels.
I feel like I'm dying every agonizing second of the mundane.
Make me feel real, if even for a faint flash! I am the embodiment BDSM because I need the edge. The intersection where Passion, Excitement, Sexuality and Hysteria collide—I treasure It.