CW: Self Abuse, Gender Identity Dysphoria
On one occasion I was filled with so much self-hate for being female I tried to burn my clitoris off. The hood protected it for the most part and the second my clit felt burned the pain was too great and I passed out in shock.
I don't remember how but when I woke up I was in a hospital. People might have seen me already faint from overstimulating behavior well that time when I fainted and didn’t get up for hours.
My girlfriend when I told her this while showing her the hole directly above my clitoris suggested why not get a piercing to plug it!
I thought of it but since it is not a piercing, but a self-inflicted wound in a moment of total gender dysphoria I am ashamed of it.
She’s said questioningly I don't know, looks like a perfect spot for a piercing if you ask me?
I was like you know what let’s try it the worst that happens is I take it out. She’s like it is healthy to make new associations with your pain and reclaim yourself.
So I bought a Random bag but they were too small, she was like no we need to do it together wait for me.
I agreed.
So anxiously I waited for last Saturday. I didn’t even know if we were gonna do anything with it.
But she showed me a bag with sizing gauges for the hole to see what it needs. The hole is a size 8 gauge which for comparison think slightly larger than a Q-tip.
The piercing has a decent amount of girth with a crescent shape and weighted balls at the ends. Often my clit naturally comes to rest right in between them and is constantly rubbed, stroked, and molested from both sides.
Having my clitoris so aroused and stimulated I have gone from seldomly having sexual arousal to near-constant arousal. It has gotten so bad at times I can feel my eyes tearing up from the sexual frustration. My body gets extremely flush especially my face since -- “About half of all women or even more may develop a peculiar looking 'sex rash' ('sex flush') with sexual arousal or orgasm. This measles-like appearance with pink spots and patches on tummy, chest, face or even the entire body.”
I told her this and she said “if it’s that much of a problem you can take it out.” I replied, “well you’re hypersexual so if you have to live naturally with that experience don't mind going thru it as well.” The irony is kinda poetic justice, what was once me trying to destroy my clit is now nearly a decade later an enhancement. I have to now acclimate to near-hellish arousal.
Another issue emerged when I was at the gym today just doing my basic workout I got so aroused that my body couldn’t stop oozing arousal fluids everywhere. I went flush with desire and felt like I was about to faint. I am going to use period panties, a pad, or a tampon at the gym for a while because it’s just too intense my body is overwhelming me from multiple orgasms. I literally leaked thru my panties and into my yoga pants and because they are pink well it looks worse than it is.
I am sure I will adjust to this change, only been two days. Life is all about adapting to changes also this feels great so the downsides are livable.
My personal opinion is if you have a clit of any kind you can’t go wrong doing this since it feels amazing. In my case, I can take out the piercing whenever I want and the hole literally can’t close since the tissue was cauterized.
I do however recommend doing it differently than I did. I am grateful that I’m unharmed from the experience.
A freshly showered,
Icegirl
