Random thing on my mind.
My first love was a girl named Maria Cozmo she was the next door neighbor to my grandmothers we kinda grew up together.
When we were really young she would sometimes play marry me and everyone thought we'd be together forever at least as friends.
When my dad got visitations custody the neutral place picked for pick up was my grandmothers but often he didn't want to see me so for the entier weekend id be playing with Maria and her little brother Joseph after I got my homework done.
One of my happiest memories was when I was 4 and she was 5 or 6 showing her Zelda the original and trying to teach her how to play it and watch her struggling for hours to do things but that my effort got her to improve.
I'd hug her as she was frustrated at the armor guys and get confused by puzzles I could easily solve
I remember one day when she was in the lost woods and she wanted me to tell her the pattern and I gave her the clue that an old woman in the world somewhere tells you the pattern you just have to find her.
Shes like somehow in the entier world one woman tells you the pattern I'm like yep.
Then she tackled me to the ground and was like or I could just tickle it outta you.
Her family moved away when I truned 10 when it became obvious I was developing female traits.
They didn't want there daughter being friends with a queer person fag.
I was by the bay window in my grandmothers house for 5 days not eating drinking or sleeping. She was my favorite person.
The person who treated me most human was being taken away from me in part because of my body the one thing I never had any control over. Made her parents hate me.
I met her many years later she never went to college married a general average joe had two kids and was sorta depressed her life wasn't more but she was content that she had her kids and a house.
When she met me again she told me two things that it never woulda worked even as friends I'm too liberal and open minded for her shes a devout Catholic and although she feels sorry for me for being intersex that's different then gays trans and other people they are just wrong and sinful. I couldn't help how god made me.
Number two shes not a lesbian and never would be. I asked her of all the times she showed love towards me and she said yeah it seems obvious now that her parents protected her from going down a destructive path and if anything she hoped Id find a man who could help heal me and my confusion.
Makes it easier to not lament her leaving my life knowing she turned into a religious zealot.
But who knows if I stayed in her life maybe I could have saved her brain from being poisoned.
I was raised to be judgemental Roman Catholic as well from Italian immigrants I overcame it maria could have gone a different way if only she was exposed to it.
I wonder how she is to this day last time I bumped into her was my 20's doubt I ever will again since I rarely go to upstate new york where she lives and who even knows if she does anymore.
I met her because her parents died and she was selling off there old home they had kept as a rental property as they moved away.
She said shed like to grab lunch sometime and catch up more but well over 12 years later still waiting.