Day 3
Well, these are some of the least addressed areas in society. I have felt the pain in my own life and those around me by these not being addressed, and as such, I think it is essential to help raise awareness of these issues and, be open to discussing them.
One of the most freeing things I ever did was also the most painful. A few years ago I contacted everyone I knew and on all my social media and told them I was intersex. Not only that but in my life, I was abused both by my family and medical people on my path to where I am no express details. After the typical bouts of, Wow, that’s so incredible, well, we support you and are glad you are still here and pushing forward. Do you know what happened ultimately? Almost the majority of my friends at that time distanced themselves from me. It wasn’t as evident as a get-out of my life. It was a slow drift as if boats coasted along waves being pushed apart.
At Times, I would want to hang out or have conversations with my friends. Things that were common before slowly faded until the people mostly just vanished, and those who were left either didn’t care, cared and were supportive, or wanted something out of me only. I decided it was not only this pain of false friendship and community I wanted to avoid again but that the people who stayed were not only better quantitatively so I should seek to meet people like this. (with hopes on avoiding the users)
At least I could always be myself around people who knew I was intersex as out without worry if I say something too revealing about my past or felt awkward about something typically normal for females I’d be shunned. I could just be honest and tell them what was going on.
It did hurt though and, the aftermath is felt because I still, on occasion, make friends or think a particular coworker is pretty cool, and then when I share my intersex and pro-trans status, it has mixed results but all too often negative.
Recently, at a job I am moving on from that I will probably talk about in an upcoming journal, I came out simply as a lesbian. In reality, my issue is that I have a ban on cis het men because I prefer being with people who can relate to me, and as a demisexual, it’s crucial for me to establish emotional relationships for attraction.
NOTE: This isn’t like something I just out and out shared with no context. This was a typical get-to-know-you conversation where people shared what they liked in partners and found attractive. Yet that admission of myself got spread around, and people started to not only out me but confront me for being a lesbian and liberal radical. Now, maybe in some ways that’s true, but I was the same person they were friendly with before that public admission, and we can chat and work together in harmony, yet once that was general knowledge, the rift was on. I even had coworkers often joke with me about it in sexist and demeaning ways, also making the obvious old challenges put on lesbians. Well, if only I met the right man, or that maybe I am the closed-minded one, and that it is I who am bigoted against “real men” ...
You know, I don’t understand why my preferences for partners and my desire to believe that living openly should not only be allowed but not scrutinized is looked at as a “agenda”. I mean, people don’t mind talking about their relationships openly, dates, weddings, babies, romances, even public displays of affection. It is all fair game. Yet I want those same opportunities to live an equitable life, and it is not only dashed but actively punished for pushing towards it.
As I stated in a earlier post once mere blocks from my apartment me and my girlfriend were harassed for what being too warm to each other in my car as we were driving home?
I want to make clear that political gains and fairness in the law are essential, but so are the little battles like being able to live in peace or have the right to be ourselves in public.
I wish for a day I can invite my partner to my job and hug her and introduce her with the same respect and dignity that is afforded cis-hetero couples. Anti gay people argue that we want to flaunt it and why we need our parades, do they not see they parade their lives daily and are supported by culture enmass?
When they freak out that maybe once Disney might have a minor character that is coded as queer. Well, they don’t freak out at the 99% of media that is heteronormative. Yet still, LGBTIQ identifying population tracts about 15% of those who want to freak out and say anything positive is the cause is outrageous because I have never once been made this way if anything my family my catholic upbrining the media I watched have always made me feel like it is wrong or unnatural the way I feel.
There are so few positive role models in the media for LGBTIQQA youth. I mean, I mention being intersex a lot because I feel more people need to be aware of it. Right now think of even one mainstream figure who has been used to represent intersex people other than medical oddity shows, or horror movies.
Do you know that the most famous intersex character in any media is Sadako Yamamura (Samara) of the Ring. Why did they even need to make her intersex in the first place? Could it be to make her more alien evil and othered. People are going to be born with variants of all kinds, some physical, some mental, some emotional. Society should strive to be more open to the epic density of life and not seek to crush it or oppress it.
I see people open to being themselves and expressing themselves as kindred spirits. I decided not to hide or be ashamed of who I am. Even though it costs me, I will not stop being vocal because I know visibility is essential and that if I speak out, it helps others realize not only are they not alone but that it is a thing they one day can do in their own way.
Also, I hope to win hearts and minds that maybe a world that is less judgmental and more accepting can exist, but it has been shown the key to tearing down divides is you need to first be aware of people who are human and are impacted by ignorance. If you have ever met me, you now know of at least one intersex person, and we are not a monolith ie no one person speaks for any group, but know I tried to share with you what I go through.
Hopefully, if you ever hear people talk about trans and or intersex issues, something I shared makes you just that much more informed than the absolutely nothing of substance most people vapidly share about the matter.