Day 15
CW: sexual assault
This morning something amazing happened my girlfriend was in the mood to wrestle and I was able to without harming her. 🥰 For a long time I refused to spar anyone because my training and application of force potential was so great I knew I could hurt someone.(Made me very nervous)😵💫
I will never forget when someone tried to sexually assault me once he picked me up and threw me so hard onto the bed the wooden slats holding the mattress cracked and I had some metal springs cutting into my back but when he mounted me thinking he had the upper hand.
He made a huge mistake he let me wrap my legs around his left arm and with all my might I yanked and twisted and wouldn't you know it his arm was then hanging by a thread ripped out of his shoulder as he was screaming obsensities and crying out in pain.
He chose poorly to assault me, I been training at this point since I was 7 in martial arts 30 years under my belts in multiple styles when that incident happened I had roughly 20 years experience.
Because I have seen me at my most deadly I have such unbelievable respect for people and try my best to hold back I never wanna hurt anyone ever who doesn't want it.
I try to never strike or apply pressure on any technique that could cause a break or dislocation.
It does make me feel slow because I always have to first figure out what can I do for an untrained or mildly trained person.
I think today was a good sign on my road to proving to myself I can have a low setting for fun and not hurt people when they wanna get frisky.
When I teach people techniques I am able to do it without incident but I always been anxious what if I for a second get over zealous.
Last spring my best female friend Jen had aggreed to spare me and she is a 3 degree black belt in taekwondo and I saw she as most weren't as good with her hands and I jumped over her kick and did a turing backfist and I figured she would slip it but she was so shocked and Frozen seeing me move so fast I caught her flush in the face and she went falling back into the wall and had a bruise for over a week.
I was so apologetic, because I wasn't even intending to hit her it was supposed to cause her to move back so I could get in tight and then flurry her but her inexperience with cloes up fighters and her assumption that I am so outta shape I couldn't go vertical like that over one of her kicks caused her to be wide open.
I might be 220 pounds but I can dive over a 5 foot gap and either roll out or do a full on front flip.
The power these little arms can generate is insane I was already at the world female championship taekwondo break levels at the gym I was working out of in Baltimore they literally produced the sliver medalist for my weight class.
Note I am not as good as Kathleen but I can do some of the same breaks she was doing and when we spared it was pretty obvious she was more powerful than me but I was a tad more agile the issue is if she hit me it was brutal.
I remember blocking one of her kicks still to this day because it almost broke my arm. Her weakness was throwing such high power shots made her slow and she would lose her stamina quickly.
Final thoughts it is fun to think I am able to compartmentalize and be safe for normal people to play with me without having to fear or be nervous about injuries.
I believe I am at that level of peace in life where like a tiger playing with human I can easily eff someone up but I am not vicious unless there is a problem.
I am mentally at peace and my only focus is to bring as much happiness as possible into this world and if that means someone wants to wrestle me that's fine.
Right now in my life I am going to work at cutting ny weight down I am a tad overweight at the moment and my increase my overall burst of power and endurance.
Going back to working as an EMT full time you have no idea how often I need to help lift overweight people.
Just the other day there was this 400 pound diabetic missing a leg to get these types of patients up and onto a stretcher takes tons of training and strength.
This is why there is a bare minimum requirement to be an EMT of being able to lift 150 pounds up two flights of stairs. When the company hired me they made me lift deadlift 120 pounds take it up a flight of stairs spin around and then walk it back down a flight of stairs with no guardrail usage or any help.
This is the job and it is also sadly why the is a 70/30 gender imbalance. It's not discrimination to prevent women from being EMTs most companies I have seen would hire anyone qualified theres a massive shortage at the moment.
But if you can't safely move the patients your going to come into contact with you cannot be an EMT you are going to hurt yourself your patient and your partner. Thus over the next couple of months I am going to work on pushing my lifting and raw power right now I am at about 170 dead lift bench press and 160 butterfly. I wanna get it over 200 hundred deadlift bench press and get my butterfly to 180.
There was a time in my life where everything was over 300 pounds now that was in my mid 20's over a decade ago when all I cared about was being a fighting machine, But now I have a good reason to bulk up againg to save lives.