I write whatever is on my mind: an emotion, a feeling, a moment that I just want to preserve.
If you wonder why I am so open. I spent so much of my life bottling it all in.
I used to have intense fear that if anyone found out I was Intersex an orphan or once on welfare they would judge me and want nothing to do with me.
It's literally happened too many times, I remember one time I was in my best friends house and his mother asked me so where do you live?
I replied warmly "section 8 housing by 5th avenue"
she followed up oh and why are you living there?
Well my mom is trying to get clean and I don't have a dad so it can be tough sometimes.
She then said nothing more to me just left.
I am sure if I could see her face it would have been contempt because everything was about to change.
The next time I saw my best friend and asked him to play he said we couldn't talk anymore sheepishly.
I didn't understand why. I was always so nice to him, maybe even had a tiny crush I was kid who knows but I genuinely cared about him.
He looked at me and explained that his mom was loooing out for him, and that he needs to be with better people, and his mom would be worried sick if he ever came to my house that someone would rob him.
I never knew before that moment how honesty could drive people away.
I had thought the truth was it's own reward.
So after that I got very quite and didn't really talk to anyone unless spoken to.
So thank you for taking the time to get to know me.
You are wonderful may you're New Year be bright and dreams come true.
