Reflection on Writing About my Life?
The thoughts come at unexpected times PTSD will do that.
The trauma of being the spawn of a rape and orphaned by my family not because of a reasonable situation like they couldn't afford it or they wanted what's best for me but that an Intersex child is one unworthy of being loved has left deep wounds.
Frommy first breath I was looked at with disgust and pity.
I have in my life so prayed for love yet it never came so I show love towards others as if somehow embodiment of the ideals I would want people to have would make them appear in the world.
Yet does that bring me love or an end to the loneliness?
Often no.
This diary of my thoughts and deeds is a place where I can investigate my emotional dispare and hopefully one day triumph.
A small triumph,
For example my job promoted me into a field training officer recently. So I get to train and assist other EMTs to provide higher quality care.
This is a task I am well suited for since it will enable me to help more people be better at care which will alleviate more suffering then what I can do by my actions alone.
Teaching sharing wisdom can exponentially assist with suffering in the world. With my absolute resolve I intend to coach those under my guidance to be peerless for the sake of the community.