Ice Girl's public thoughts.

Horrible Psychotherapy Yesterday

I am open about having PTSD and it hasn't responded to traditional treatment.

Most days I am fine, but when I get triggered I am less than my best self. So I tried a modern treatment recently approved known as K therapy.

Studies confirm Ketamine therapy has been shown to help where non traditional have had difficulties with PTSD

Within moments of getting the IM K I ended uncontrollably vomiting for the next hour or so. It was so incredibly uncontrollable that I ended up face down passed out in my own vomit multiple times. I had to have the therapist pick my face out so I didn't suffocate and she kindly wiped vomit off my face and hair.

What's craziest of all they asked me if I had any allergies before the event about a week ago I mentioned I had such a severe allergic reaction to morphine that I was once given before a surgery that I was vomiting up my stomach lining and it truned into a medical emergency.

The doctor involved stated in the email exchange these excat words

" His response was as follows:

True allergy to morphine is uncommon. Nausea is due to cholinergic effects and maybe increasing vestibular sensitivity. Would premedicate with 8mg Zofran ahead of KAP though, but not a contraindication for KAP.

So we should be good to go, and he can prescribe you Zofran, so make sure to bring this up during the med evaluation."

he didn't think it was needed at the time so said will give you the medicine first and see of you need it.

well after it ended up looking like the exorcist in their I hope he learned something vomit can go everywhere!

He actually came in to give me zofran IM during one of the moments I was near passed out in my vomit after I filled up the second vomit bag.

He called me after to apologize he told me in his 30 years of treating people I had the second worst case of nausea he had ever seen and that if I were to continue with K therapy he would do many things differently to try and paralyze my vomit reflex before the treatment starts so that way I can actually have the experience as intended.

I told him I was in no condition to make such a big decision especially after what happened but I am leaning towards never taking ketamine again for the rest of my life because it was so painful and horrific.

Nearly two hours of vomiting non stop and perhaps the only reason I'm not dead is someone could pick my face out of the vomit and tears would turn anyone off.

I find the most ironic thing in this I decided to try the therapy because I wanted to see if I could improve my PTSD episodes.

I actually now had one of the worst experiences in my entire life where I know what its like to be choking on my own vomit too weak to stand struggling to breathe.

I am not upset about it though I told him I was allergic to morphine I never took K before the fact they are a similar class of drugs the doctor should have never given it to me but it wasn't unfounded to attempt since I didn't say I was allergic to k.

Many doctors hear nausea and they think oh a little queazy that's no big deal. Yhey really had no idea to expect that I would vomit so much and so intensively that I was close at one point to being hospitalized yesterday.

Here I am able to type this and stronger having gone through absolute hell.

My PTSD might not have gotten better at all but it reconfirms that I can take one hell of an ass kicking and keep on coming back.

I am quite sore, my throat burns from the stomach acid, and I am coughing up a tiny bit of blood from the irritation. My abdomen and back is so exhausted feels as if someone has taken a sledgehammer to it multiple times.

Standing and sitting upright feels like a chore.

However I am getting better every second .I am glad I didn't die and isn't that itself positive.