a chaotic good guide to self-discovery

Hello Friends :-)

Just checking in with yet another kinky experience for the books. Let me explain:

As I’ve been learning what I like through the BDSM lifestyle, I’ve made it a point to pair with partners I deem compatible to my personality & interests. I have come to realize myself as a Switch (sub-lean), Brat & Masochist lover who enjoys restriction & rigging (results courtesy of the BDSM test). 

I came into contact with a friend I never really got to know since I went off to college & we reconnected over break. He showed me a good time as we (safely) danced the night away on New Years night with champagne & good vibes surrounding us. The mix of his intense glances & smiling face made my stomach flutter every time—I wanted to get closer. I kept him on his toes on the dance floor with my whining waist & teasing touch. It was all fun & games until he was behind me with his hand on my throat & I was a puddle of heat in his hands. He had me right where he wanted me & I wanted him.

So, me being a bad b!tch, I decided to have him. 

I’ll keep the stark details out for carpal-tonal avoidance purposes, but honestly it was in the details for meeee. Guys usually act timid or oversell their confidence around me, but not him. He kept a strong poker face that made me wonder what he would do next, & I was in for quite a surprise. I assumed he wasn’t game, but for every smart mouth thing I had to say his athletic build, much stronger than mine, overpowered me as he took me from the top. & he didn’t stop despite my cries of pleasure. It was rough, all friendliness out of the window. He knew he had control over my body & made me feel everything—I liked that so much. *chef’s kiss*

I had received compliments on my beauty throughout the night from other people, so he turned me to face towards the mirror taking shots from the back. He pulled my head back with my hair wrapped around his hand & his deep voice grunted into my ear, “Look.” as I watched him almost punish me for the attention I’d caused. Literal tears in my eyes wow what a beautiful nightmare :’). 

So yeah! I’m definitely a fan of the sadism category & that guy may or may not be my soulmate now ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Lol I’m only matching my energy with people who are fine, kinky & fun to be around all 2021. Ever since I have allowed myself to be sexually liberated I have started to love it here. We shall see what endeavor is next! (hoping for rope play hmm)

🥂 cheers

xx

Hello all,

I hope you kinky folks are doing well this fine evening ;).

So, in my journey thus far in the lifestyle, I haven't really connected with anyone as a sub. Not that there aren't any Doms with potential, but just not what I'm looking for in a dynamic that will work for me.

What works for me is building relationships that I can be authentically myself in, having a safe space for expression and patience in the process (bc I am the opposite sometimes as I'm still growing up). Contrary to belief, I invite conversation and active engagement. I do desire to release myself in a vulnerable way but have not had much luck finding someone I trust to handle me in doing so. And being online hasn't been easy for me to form such connections, because maybe a message comes off too strong or it gets misinterpreted by the receiver. 

What I'm noticing is that some men get intimidated by my presence 🤦‍♀️ lol and that it is kind of sad !! **given I’m usually younger than them.

Literally stopping my fun because of their insecurities. Tragic. BUT, it has confirmed my suspicion that I could be better in another department.

As a Switch.

My Scorpio rising will finally have a chance to shine, but I believe this is made possible by the duality of my Gemini sun sign.

Geminis are known for their flirty nature and intellect. They are outgoing and like mentally stimulating conversations and activities. By looking into the personality traits of this sign, I have realized 5 strengths that could serve Geminis well for being a switch. 

1. They have confidence to take the lead.

2. They are great communicators. (the dirty talk is tantalizing) 

3. They are perceptive and can adapt to situations based on energy.

4. They like to have fun so can definitely keep you entertained in play.

5. Their imagination will push you to explore new ideas that you may have not considered until they brought it up.

And these skills are interchangeable! While this was not a post of reassurance that Geminis aren't as awful as people make them seem (ps I'm rooting for us) or even to invalidate anybody else, it IS affirmation that you don't have to change your Self, your being, to fit the description/expectation someone has in their mind. I didn't ask to be groomed, I asked to be understood--and real ones will know the difference. 

Sincerely, Noire. xx

Heyyyy :)

welcome to my blog, home to my inner thoughts in this journey of exploration. just a baddie sharing some freaky $hit yktv.

Anywho, for my first post I want to dedicate it to an experience I just had. I’ve been wanting to get to know about the ropes of bondage (get it?), so I decided to get innovative with my personal pleasure routine & incorporate a new technique.

I started with placing a toy between my thighs and squeezing to ensure it stays in place. Right on target. Literally leaving me entrapped in jolting fits of vibrations sending overwhelming pleasure throughout my body. Oh, then came 3 times.

You have to start somewhere, right?

I surprised myself though noticing how I was able to hold back my urges to tap out, and rather focused on enjoying the sensations that were present. And I can definitely see myself trying this again with harness cuffs next time ooo. I think my like for mental challenges and surprises makes me so into it lmao (can you guess the zodiac sign?)

Oh what fun it would be to have a Dom to continue this with, but I’ll save that inquiry for another post. 😇

if you have any suggestions for practicing restraint alone message me! I’m interested now lol that was great.

Until then that’s all for this post. Stay beautiful,

xx