Thoughts feelings and god knows what else

I can literally almost predict this now one little thing happens and boom I am not in this moment but I am back to when this all started painfully remembering every last detail and I become that scared little child lost in the dark then I am snapped back to the current events still like a child lost in the dark trying to find a way to stop this happening trying desperately to fix what's wrong screaming begging and pleading for help hoping help will come sadly it never does wondering if this is it will I lose you this time or will you survive wondering do I have enough strength for us both wondering do you have enough strength to fight for yourself eventually maybe a week will pass  you have survived this time then the game of guessing begins again its like life is stuck on tape and someone controls the remote thinking this looks like hell lets play for a while then stop and rewind to the hellish parts just for fun. When does the torture stop I really do wonder if it ever will