Thoughts feelings and god knows what else

I have been burned before so many times I have been hurt so now I just expect it to happen I automatically assume the worst its got to the stage where I feel any minute now somethings gonna happen I am gonna get hurt so I realised I have been pushing people away and press the self destruct button I feel that if I push people away that I save myself alot of pain I didn't realise that I am the one now causing pain and for that I am truly sorry I am trying so hard to fix this and believe me it isn't easy I don't mean to cause any pain I don't mean to push people away either but it happens without me realising it anyway enough ramblings what I am saying is sorry for any pain caused to my friends I don't expect you to forgive me but please know I am sorry