Earlier this year, I decided to throw on my latex scuba suit and dive into the vast sea of BDSM in hopes of finding out some things: the kind of Dom I want, what kind of sub I am, what my limits are, etcetera, etcetera.
While exploring the depths of this especially interesting ocean, I crossed paths with a wonderful Dom (tie me up right now) who mentioned the possibility of “training” me. I initially had no interest, but after some deliberation, I decided to give it a whirl.
Here is what I learned from it:
1. I do not like self-bondage. I mean, I really dislike it. I find it tedious and boring. What makes bondage fun for me is the sense of being overpowered by a fella and rendered helpless in his presence. There is a thrill to being at his mercy, never knowing what he is going to do and if/when he is going to release me. When I do it to myself, it’s, “Welp, here I am. Just sitting here. Being tied up. . .” Instead of feeling some sort of exciting adrenaline rush, I was thinking about what I needed to add to my grocery list. Side note: I am also absolutely terrible at self-bondage—even with practice—which did not help anything.
2. My partner needs to be local. Local enough, anyway. Max I think I would go is a couple hours, and that is pushing it. I did not understand until receiving some training how important it was for me to have my partner physically present, especially in this dynamic. When I am getting to know someone, I want to be able to study the person’s facial expressions and mannerisms, right down to how he carries himself when he walks. I want to make eye contact. I want to be able to go out and enjoy an activity with him. These are all things that just cannot be done from behind a computer screen.
3. I am a wimp. As I mentioned in a previous post, I can get through the more stressful bondage positions when I think of Christ’s suffering, but being put in said painful positions is not my “cup of tea.” I like bondage because I enjoy the feeling of helplessness and the freedom that comes with temporarily not having to make decisions. I can handle the difficult bindings for a couple minutes, and doing so here and there is even welcome because it would make me appreciate the tamer ones, but it is not something that I would want to do regularly. I see bondage as a romantic activity, so I do not want to be in a place where I am eager for the session to end.
4. Words are powerful. Whether they were spoken or written, my Dom’s words had a profound effect. I know that this seems obvious. What we say to others has some level of impact in general, but I did not realize just how much I needed this in the D/s dynamic. Through his training, I discovered that I fancied the mind games associated with BDSM quite a lot.
5. I like the submissive positions. Nothing to add here, really. My Dom would have me practice ten different positions, and I found them rather enjoyable.
I could go on, but this post is already feeling as though it will be forever long. I am very grateful for this experience and feel blessed by the effort he put into training me.
God bless, my rosy friends.