For the past few days, since finding the blog section of this site, I have been yearing to write. To somehow unleash all the thoughts that have been locked up in my mind, all the emotions that have been bottled up for so long ... but I haven't had the time. I used to write. Every day. It was therapy for me. It was a way to discover who I was, who I was becoming and who I am. And I loved to write erotica. For me, it was the safest way to explore all that I wanted and needed.
Yet, here I am, finally with time on my hands ... and I struggle to put the words together. So, please excuse the rambled, undefined mess you may find yourself in, should you decide to continue reading.
I've always been an ultra-feminie woman, but time, experiences and circumstances have brought me to fill both role the feminie and masculine role in my life. And to be completely honest, I am beyond exhausted. I miss my ultra-feminine self and I desperately miss the strength, protection, care, guidance and masculity of a man ... even if I have never fully had it.
To me, real masculity is breathtaking. Its in the silent assured confidence that covers you in comfort as his claiming promises you safety. He whispers it to you through a touch, a glance, a kiss, a look, a simple hello ... and you find yourself in a crumbled mess of desire, want, need to please, to thank him, to be proud of you. I long for that.
I long to melt into my most feminine form in his strong hands, and show him what he does to me. How I would be willing to give him everything, without having to ask ... because I can trust him, becasue he knows me, because only he can unravel me.
To me, real masculinity is emotional, physical, mental strength, courage, assurance, understanding, confindence that it shown through care, love, understanding, knowledge, and protection. He wants nothing more than to see his feminine partner blossom and bloom into all that she is. He wants the best for her, and takes pride in all that she is becoming ... because of their relationship.
I dream of Him walking into my life, and I can feel Him searching for me. I know we both have much to learn as we wait for Our time ... but I grow impatient.