Lanabardot

sub female

44

Single

I've always thought of myself as a walking contradiction, but I suppose as the years go by, I've come to realize that perhaps the qualities I have are not opposites, rather, they are part and parcel of one another.

My life has been a compilation of very intricately woven spiderwebs. I havent had an easy life nor a lucky one, but in the very same breath, I have been very blessed and have yet to come across a situation that I haven't been able to succeed from.

I am a hopeless romantic ... built with traditions, forged with modern tools, weaved with submissive desires, and ... the rest I'm still figuring out.

I am at my most feminine when my man is at his most masculine.

Since a very young age, I've always had a suspicion that I was a submissive. Perhaps, it took me many years to know that term, and many more to fully understand what it meant ... and even now, I am still looking for answers.

I was married at a very young age to an abusive man, which of course complicated and distorted much of what I understood about love, commitment, relationships and much more. Although it wasn't a D/s relationship, 10 years later, I can't help but wonder if my naturally submissive nature encouraged the abusive relationship. Don't get me wrong, abuse is wrong always, and I'm not blaming myself ... but what I mean is, perhaps if I understood back that what submission was, how it was a big part of who I am, and what kind of man was deserving of that gift ... then maybe, I wouldn't have taken that path ...

But that is the past. I don't regret any of the choices I've made, especially when they have gifted me with two gorgeous daugthers, yet I can't help but look back in order to understand who I am today.

In the past 10 years I've explored relationships, all for different reasons, but they have always stayed within the lines of the "norm". Although, for the most part, they have been what I thought I needed at the time ... I still always felt a sense of deep emptiness, deep longing ... deep need for understanding.

I've always held a hungrier sexual drive than my partners and only felt satisfied when they take control, but at the same time ... I've have never fully let go to my ultimate completion. I've always held back. In as much as I want to say, just a little, I can feel deep inside that its more than I could ever comprehend.

To me, Dominance and submission, is an intimate dance between two lovers that can only be played if the relationship is based on trust, understanding, knowledge and care.

Many years ago, when I wrote erotica on a writing site, I came to the realization that the one that holds the "power" in a D/s relationship is the sub. It was a light bulb that had never been switched on before and yet I couldn't believe how perfectly it made sense. Perhaps I fail to fully explain this, and maybe some will agree and some will disagree ... but at the end of the day, submission is a gift, its trust, its the release -gift- of power for that 'moment in time' ... however long or short that may be.

I long for submission. I long to let go. I long to surrender.

Perhaps this was more of a blog post but, I've never been one to fully fill up 'profiles' as others do.

BDSM and me ...
I'm new to it.
I'm still learning if I am a sub.
I feel the longing of sumbission.

In my mild experiences of submission, I feel safe.

*I will get back to this at another time.

Besides me? ;P

Well, I'm here to learn ... to understand.

I'm NOT looking to be collared, I'm NOT looking to be owned.

If I don't respond to messages immediately, it's most likely my real life has taken over, but on a side note, I don't take well to assumptive messages.

Oct 24, 2017

Oct 22, 2017