I am not the first person to pose the hypothesis that the Y chromosome carries within it a gene that gives EVERY human male the innate ability to be a complete and utter asshole! Like with Bruce Banner, this hulk-like condition lurks under the surface just waiting for an excuse to make an appearance at a moment’s notice. It can be debated whether the condition is triggered by insecurities, anger issues, substance abuse, excessive testosterone production, a need to control, or something more trivial.
Regardless, a primary differentiator among XYer’s is the ability to control when, even if, the asshole makes an appearance. At one end of the spectrum are those who exhibit eternal angry teenage-like tendencies who have no emotional control and are prone to violent outbursts and/or poison-laced verbal tirades. On the other end of the spectrum are the James Bond-like characters who epitomize what it means to be “calm, cool, and collected” at all times. Demonstrating such a perfect mastery of their emotions that they may crack a joke in the face of adversity, such as, “I seem to have a slight itch down there, if you don’t mind” while being bound and threatened with ball mutilation.
Similarly, it seems that the combination of two X chromosomes carries within it a gene that gives EVERY human female the innate ability to go totally and insanely bat-shit crazy! When this happens the XXer’s think they are still being both logical and pragmatic, but even their closest and dearest best friend can see that the cheese has definitely slipped off the cracker. Any pretense of rationality has evaporated into the ether and their bestie is about to have a Kathy Bates in Misery like moment.
Early warning signs of the actively moonstruck include seemingly senseless and twisted logic such as, “I never ever want you to take me out to a place that you’ve taken other women,” while you contemplate whether she means the bedroom too, since you definitely still have the same sex organ that you had with those other women, and if she won’t even go to the same restaurant then she sure as hell doesn’t want whatever you put inside those other XXer’s to also go inside of her. Another sign that you should RUN would be if within the first three times you’ve gone out, she starts to make “adoption” arrangements for your pets because she doesn’t like them, and of course, in her mind she is obviously a much higher priority for you than the pets you’ve loved for years.
Likewise, what differentiates each XXer is the ability to control when, even if, bat-shit crazy Kathy makes an appearance. At one end of the spectrum are those that are so hormone imbalanced that any irritation causes an emotional outburst that would rival even the most destructive female-named hurricane. On the other end of the spectrum, there are those women that calmly take a deep breath and smile as they imagine you being slowly eaten by a white shark, miles from shore after she cuts off your balls (or tits for those so orientated). Whether you are XX or XY, you DO get credit for thinking about releasing the inner beast while choosing not to, and that’s the whole point.
In any psychology 100 course the headlines always go to Pavlov and his dogs (classic conditioning) and Sigmund Freud (the father of psychology as a legitimate science), which always makes me shake my head just a bit. I mean, Pavlov was a damn monster to more dogs than you can count. If you are an animal lover, you do NOT want to know about the things he did to them.
I’m convinced that if ole’ Sigmund was alive today he would be on a sex offender list somewhere. This is the guy who said that subconsciously ALL young girls wanted to replace mommy in daddy’s bed and that ALL little boys wanted to off daddy and take over the dominant role in the family. He called it an Oedipus complex after the mythical king of Thebes who unwittingly killed his father and married his mother. But Oedipus didn’t KNOW who his mother was, children with both parents being active in their life know who they are, subconscious thought or not. Freud doesn’t say all children MIGHT have these thoughts, he said we ALL had them starting around the age of four. I’m willing to bet that if I wrote out all of Freud’s ideas without ever telling you that they were his, you’d read through them and say to yourself, “Damnnnnn, and people think I’m fucked up for being into this lifestyle.”
The early psychology pioneer that I wish would get more coverage in schools is Viktor Frankl. Frankl was a peer of Freud teaching at the same university in Vienna Austria. Unfortunately, he was still in the country when the delightful and charming (sarcasm intended) Adolph Hitler decided to annex his homeland into greater Germany, and Frankl was Jewish. Frankl, his wife and daughter, and parents were put into one of the earliest concentration camps. It also happened to be the camp where another delightful and charming monster by the name of Josef Mengele, the angel of death himself, committed unspeakable human rights atrocities experimenting on humans.
All of Frankl’s family died in the concentration camps and he never saw them again once they were separated. Ever the scientist, Frankl took mental notes of everything he saw and experienced. During his observations he noted that it wasn’t the healthiest people who survived the camps, nor was it the physically strong, nor was it the most intelligent. He concluded that those that survived did so because they could see a future beyond the suffering and terrible conditions they were experiencing. The survivors could all see a day when it would all be over, like a prisoner serving a specific term, they just needed to get through this tribulation one day at a time, and freedom would eventually come. Even while he was being experimented on, he would mentally transport himself into the future and envision giving lectures to his students about the very tests being conducted on him.
Frankl would survive and go on to write over thirty books on psychology. I believe his greatest contribution is the idea that between stimulus and response is conscious choice. It may only be a microsecond of time, but in that time, YOU get to choose how you will react to the stimulus. We are NOT animals who simply go into a fight or flight mode. We get to choose. We get to decide our attitude and our response.
Just because someone is having a difficult day and tries to take it out on you, you do NOT have to join them in having a ruined day. If they tell you off, or call you a name, you can decide to react positively. Maybe even show empathy and say, “It sure looks like you are having a crap day, sorry it’s going bad for you, I hope tomorrow is better. I there anything I can do to help you?” We are humans. We have a full range of emotions, and you should experience them all. However, you don’t need to let them dictate your actions or your attitude.
Staying calm when other people are spinning out usually helps others to stay calm. Plus, it can throw them completely off their game. Make them think twice about whether they really want you to be the target of whatever negative thoughts they have in mind – your favorite tough-guy in the movies never gets rattled no matter what the assholes and crazy Kathy’s are doing – one of my favorites is Clint Eastwood in all of his no-name spaghetti westerns – that is just not the guy you want to fuck with and he is always calm, cool, and collected. Never loses his head.
Staying calm always makes them think twice about how big of an ass they are being in the moment. To just go off on them when they go off on you is like telling a judge, “Well, he/she shouldn’t have pissed me off” at your murder trial. You can try it, but I don’t think the judge is going to rule it as justification for your actions.
To my way of thinking, if I react negatively to someone who provides a negative stimulus, then I am letting them win. I don’t like to give other people the easy win, especially when they are being an ass and maybe even baiting me into confrontation. And, if by chance, I happen to be the person who caused them to spin out to begin with, you may be surprised how unnerving it can make them for you not to get excited and just stay calm while they are completely losing their mind. Sometimes I intentionally stay calm just to piss them off even more, because I won’t let them manipulate me. It becomes a bit of reverse psychology.
Anyway, my #1 Rule for any non-platonic relationship is “control your crazy.” If you can’t do it, you won’t be enjoying my company long. Life is too short to surround yourself with negative people. I choose to cut them loose and move on. I recommend that you do the same. Maybe tell them about ole Viktor Frankl and choosing your attitude and your reaction. Many times, life is about maintaining perspective. I’m pretty sure that whatever they are going through that has them so spun up isn’t as bad as trying to survive in a Nazi concentration camp like Viktor did.
