MsNevermore's ramblings, observations, and thoughts

These are my thoughts, opinions and experiences alone. Feel free to contribute, debate or disagree....
4 months ago. Sat 02 Jun 2018 06:16:58 PM IDT

Will you let Me keep you?

 I feel like a bird.

One Hand cups seeds of promise.

The other a black wire cage.

Flitting glances between the two.


Will you look at Me?

My nerves now flutter.

Eyes crystal blue clear reflection of Soul.

Darkness tunneling into a spec of Light.

Battling forces between the two.


Will you come back if I let you go?

Emotions flock my mind.

A tall body of strength and security

Or shifting winds to travel unknown.

Stark contrasts between the two.


Will I?


  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 months ago. Wed 30 May 2018 05:01:35 PM IDT

So I wrote this thing the other day. It was part of my personal journey and how I chose to travel it. 

Made the disclaimers and admitted that it was not what would fall under the masses understanding of SSC. (Why personally I hate the preconceived notion that most of what we do falls under safe or sane by ambiguous definitions ...but as usual I digress. Another writing for another day.

 

I know I pushed the edges of edge play to some especially to those new to the scene, it was admittedly a reckless blog about a very multi dimensional process.

I hold myself responsible for my self and the example I am leading (even with disclaimers) others to possibly follow or emulate toward. I can and am holding myself also accountable to that fact. I have been in thus lifestyle a very long time. I have made my fair share of mistakes. Some of them from following what others did without the knowledge or guidance to know I was in over my head. I don't want to be the cause of another's folly in the same. 

I was approached this morning with concerns regarding said post and politely asked to I would voluntarily take it down. I have a ton of respect for the Leadership of this site for not only how they approached this but also the manner in which they are also holding themselves accountable for the safety of the site as a whole. Let me be clear, they did not tell me I had to but the reasons they felt I should. 

Part of responsibility and accoutablitilty is constant reflecting on how we are being viewed by others. The post was not what I want that reflection of me or my accoutablitilty to be. 

I am a "Safe" person. I am responsible for the "Risks" I willingly concent to myself. I am also accountable that others may not be and that my writing may have caused others to not be in their own journey. So the writing on my Demon came down.  

 

This is a life(style) and daily process for many of us. What we write isn't just fantasy or rules in a "game". There is no reset or do over button when things go wrong. I know better and will do better in the future to remember that not everyone quite gets that....yet.

4 months ago. Mon 28 May 2018 08:33:14 PM IDT

I am Free but  wandering.

I am alert always watching.

Curious but nervously cautious.

I am aware of the danger.

Ready but to what fight or flight.

I am searching for a pack.

Craving but suplimenting the hunger.

 

Somewhere there is a place.

Confined but with purpose.

Somewhere there is an alarm

Cautioning with scents and sounds.

Somewhere there is a primal instinct.

Cunning in its takedown of any flight.

Somewhere there is a test of wills.

Fulfilling both hungers of primal and prey.

 

I am searching somewhere.

 

5 months ago. Mon 14 May 2018 04:12:46 PM IDT

Oh that got you're attention?

 

Well for the sake of all we do please repeat after me:

 

Consent is Not hearing No.

Its ASKING and hearing Yes.

 

Do I like Consentual Non Consent? Guess you would have to get to know me and find out...by like ya know maybe just maybe ASKING????

 

5 months ago. Sun 13 May 2018 07:25:33 PM IDT

Waking up this morning as I stumbled to the kitchen eager for my cup of coffee, I planted my foot squarely on top of a Lego. Pain, tears and words that would make a sailor blush came spouting out of my mouth. Happy Mother's Day to me, right?
 

I wanted to know how that little piece of sadistic plastic had come to land directly in my path.

 

Who brought it there and why it was left where it could hurt someone. I grumbled at the lack of common sense someone else had over not ensuring everyone else would be safe from that lil fucker!
 

As I picked it up and limped it back to the play room so it could rejoin the other 1032 legos. It made me think about all these recent demands for better safety and protection from others by others.
 

I knew about stepping on Legos and the pain they cause. I knew that I had Legos in my house. I knew I had 1033 of them. I knew the kid had been playing with them earlier.

 

I went to bed last night without checking for myself that they were all safely put away. I woke up this morning not watching where I was going. I assumed that others would have made sure that my path was clear between me and my coffee.
 

So intent was I on that one task of finding coffee,  I let my guard down.  So much so that the unexpected pain was actually a lot more acute than if I had been keen to remember to watch where I placed my feet. It hurt me but it didn't affect me past the 30 seconds pain and 1 minute of putting in its place, all by myself.
 

So as that Lego clattered among the others and was no longer identifiable from the rest it hit me all of those legos are just like these bully, predator, asshats and twat waffles running around here. Once in a while we are going to encounter one in an unexpected or unwelcome way.
 

We can sit and bemoan the fact that Others didn't do a better job keeping them contained or out of our way OR we can start taking responsibility that they are in the house and we may need to keep our wits about us when journeying through life.
 

Lets be honest. Its not just this house(site) we run across them. I have had accounts on many social sites from Kink to Vanilla. I have yet to not get some message on any of them that wasn't from some unsolicited douche. I have been in public whether a munch or just picking up a gallon of milk and had someone make a crude remark or pass. They are everywhere and as much as we can demand or make policies to contain them, one of the 1033 of them is going to be overlooked. It happens.
 

What can we do though:

 

Accept that we WILL run across them.

 

Put them in their place quickly and efficiently.

 

Let others know that they are about and how to avoid them and or deal with them if they encounter one.

 

Accept responsibility for how we may have caused or been able to prevent it.

 

Refuse to give them more credit than what they are or affect us going forward.
 

The Legos now have a limit on where they can be played with. On my profile I limit where and what others can see.

 

If one slips through it is quickly placed in a "bin" with other Blocked and Banned dumbinants, twuels, wankmissives.

 

I report TOU if needed on abuses but trust the powers at be that I will no longer need to give control of my mind to any further thoughts or feelings to that person.
 

Much like I do with all the others I meet out in the world wide web or planet at large. No, it won't work for all situations. But lets get serious for one moment. If you don't want to be random whank material or twuel food keep your profile to friends only. If you want to share with the world then expect that at times you may get pained when crossing paths with a few blockheads.
 

Off to finish my coffee, informed that we have 1036 legos so warily looking where I step. Should have put new pair of slippers on that Mother's day list.
 

5 months ago. Fri 11 May 2018 04:27:22 PM IDT

Welcome to the playground let me start you off on the first and foremost in everything we do: Consent!

 

I usually try to add some humor or analogues to my writing. After the last few weeks however, I just gonna get to the point and blunt here!

 

Want to touch ? 

Want to participate ?

Want to be respected?

Want to not have your ass handed to you?

 

Its really quite simple if you follow one simple rule: 

Its No til Yes.

 

Do you have consent to ____?

The answer is no until you hear yes.

How do you hear yes? You open up your mouth and ASK!

If you don't hear, see Yes or otherwise get approval the answer is NO. Period.

 

If you hear No that doesn't give you consent to then bash that person, get butt hurt or assume you know better. You don't do it! Period.

 

Why didn't they say Yes? Who knows but until you ask or get to know them better you will never know. Start there. If they don't respond, move on. 

 

But don't ever think that you have consent because they didn't say No. Unless they said Yes you are pushing consent. If you insist to proceed without asking until they say No, you will have already violated consent by the time they are screaming No!

By the way, THEY then have the right to call you out, be butt hurt and KNOW they will Not Trust you further. Period.

 

See that's why Consent is important because its the first step toward Trust. 

You want them to Trust you? Start by letting them know you will respect the Consent they may or not give you. 

 

To those of you that get Asked: For the love Kink, know what EXACTLY you are consenting to! 

You put on your profile that you want xyz and get asked if you want to zyx. Do you know exactly the consent you are saying yes to? Do YOU even know what you say you want to say Yes to? 

 

Sorry, but saying later that you said Yes but you didn't understand or didn't like it doesn't give you the right to give to then bash that person, get butt hurt or assume they should have known better. Period.

 

So please, its really very simple: Consent is No til Yes. 

To get it you ASK

To give it you Own it.

 

PSA out!

 

6 months ago. Tue 27 Mar 2018 05:29:15 AM IDT

So at some point in our lives we realized we weren't the average pint of vanilla ice cream. There was this aroma of some other ingredient in our desires. 

Some of us didn't even realize the favor was there until someone flung a heaping scoop of "oh fuck yeah" into our basic bowl of cream. Yeah you scream I scream we all scream....now what???

 

We went looking to find what that exact ingredient was so we could learn how to get more. Some assumptions started there. That the ingredient was oh so rare that the only way to find it would be: any ridiculous fantasy that required over use of Sir, true, and gift.

Unfortunately for many this causes the onset of freanzy and the offset of common sense.

It also was where those of us who had already found our sourse to our ingredient mixture started assuming we knew exactly what those new to Kinster Robins needed to obtain their perfect taste of the 69 flavors.

The basic flaw was in assuming on both ends. 

 

The taste testers with their little pink spoons assuming that every flavor should be tasted. The three double scoop rocky roader with their be perfectly balanced cherry thinking that they know what will be the perfect combination of cream, topping, sauce and nuts for that same tester. 

Both end up assuming and the mess of over zealous gluttony and bloating on nut allergy quickly has both pointing fingers as to who ruined that perfectly good sundae! 

So maybe lets just stop assuming. If you're new to the parlor take it one taste at a time. Ask don't assume what another has in their cone is going to work with your sprinkles. For those of us who know our preference lets start giving the advise we wish we had recieved.

 

On that note: I would love to hear from both sides as to what one either is looking for advise on or wish had been known when taking that first taste of the ever rotating flavor of BDSM.

 

 

7 months ago. Mon 05 Mar 2018 08:15:10 PM IST

 
 So let me begin by stating I have met many and more non asshats than I have those who I am talking to here. But for those I have let me give you one last smidgen of credit that you just don't realize how your douchery is making you appear. 

 

1. Stop thinking everyone wants to hear from you. 

 

Take a second and either fill out your profile to let us know why we would want to get to know you more or at least put in your message what you read in our profile that encouraged communication.

 

2. Stop Assuming that a person's label is defined by you.

 

So you see Submissive or Slave...guess what chances are until you actually talk to them you will not know how they define that label. Chances are it isn't what yours is and guess what? It doesn't have to be.

So you coming in and demanding anything from kneeling, pictures or any other flacid fantasy in our mind before knowing the who and why of who you are talking to will quickly put you in asshat category. 

For the record its not just Dominant issue either. As Subs we need to do the same and not expect that if the person we assumed by title was going to be the end all to your needs and wants...sit in the chair next to said Asshat above. 

 

3. Stop thinking you are the 2.0 to what someone has or experienced.

If you see that one is taken or just gotten out of a relationship do NOT come in assuming that you can or will be better than. Be you only you. Trust me works are cheap and actions will either void or validate those claims quickly. Barging in assuming you will be a better/twuer xyz than what is currently in the dynamic isn't only rude but creepy as well. Karma is also a bitch and if they will leave another for you asshattery they will also fall and leave you for the next asshat, and you will have deserved it. 

Same for swooping in on a rebound. Tread carefully.

 

4. Be Yourself as You are.

For all that is good and holy: DO NOT promote yourself as being bigger bladder better than you are. I won't digress further since I have another blog that touches on this topic alone. Just don't do it.

 

5. Don't Yuck another's Yum.

So I heard it put that way over the weekend and yes, its the whole my kink ain't your kink but its still a great way to avoid being seen as a twue asshat. 

Just because someone else defines or does something different than how you process it doesn't make it work or any less twue than your way. To demeen another's way is only to make you the fool in the mind of most.

 

I am sure there are other ways or ideas as to what makes an asshat and encourage you to comment with your own. These are just my top 5 that usually shows up in my inbox at least once or twice a week.

 

8 months ago. Mon 22 Jan 2018 09:59:36 PM IST

Some of these quicker than others:

 

1. That I have a voice and to use it.

2. That ignorance is not an excuse for lack of knowledge. 

3. If I don't know something find those who do and learn BEFORE following blindly

4. My flaws and imperfections do not make me less just imperfectly flawed which is a beauty all its own.

5. Fear is not something to run from but to face head on proudly and defiantly.

6. Make sure that actions match words and that time is given so that can be seen.

7. Distance does not always make a heart fonder or loyal.

8. The only one who should bring up pushing a hard limit is me.

9. Real life community is far less scary than what I imagined in my head.

10. Less talk more listening will open more doors and eyes.

11. No means No No matter who what or where says it. Period

12. Being a friend means hurting feelings sometimes.

13. Frenzy never ends well. Take a breath, step back  and breath.

14. I can't save them all. 

15. Revenge best served cold is still a cold meal

16. Let go of the past and wish it well.

17. Never settle for less or lower than my worth.

18. The one that is right may be the last one to be noticed.

19. The Golden rule isn't always golden.

20. Some bridges are meant to be burned. 

 

9 months ago. Wed 17 Jan 2018 04:34:00 AM IST

Today hasn't been a bad day all things considered. So sitting here and suddenly feeling a ton of mental and emotional bricks hit me. Any given day, I am use to one or two trying to make there way at me and I have gotten pretty good at dodging or deflecting them. Usually just a change of surroundings or activity and I can shake them off. I see them coming or can anticipate the direction they may come from and proceed to prepare process the cause of their arrival to lessen the impact on my mind.

Today, was not such a day. Maybe because today had turned out better than I had made the above preparations to handle. Either way or whatever reason I sit here completely blindsided by the emotional wave of bricks that have descended upon, within and encased my thoughts. 

I have already thrown and slid some back and out of my mind. But a few more than usual are still there weighing me down. A few of them I recognize as ones that I have deflected before. I realize now that in deflecting them I didn't actually deal with them and now they have returned wanting their due. The problem is I still don't have the answers to put them to bed or the strength to deflect them. So now they are here trying to cement themselves into the wall of doubts inside myself. 

There is a new one though, and together with the others I find myself in the rock and hard place of that quickly forming wall. The leverage I need to move the rock requires more room than the wall allows but in turn the wall requires the same to gain the space to deal with either. So I am mentally stuck. Emotionally drained. 

 

On the positive I am not rock bottom, just stuck in limbo between what I need and where I need to go to move forward. So there is that. 

 

So I will continue to process this dilemma one brick at a time. Cautiously keeping an eye open for more bricks looking to further weigh me down. 

Yeah, there is that.