MsNevermore's ramblings, observations, and thoughts

Oh what a cunning little toy we have
Most lethal of them all
Not of leather or steel

Oh what with its velveteen blade
Sheathed within its ivory cage
Draped behind two fluid doors

Oh what brute power it contains
Sadistic and seductive it reigns
No evident markings left in its wake

Oh what equally weighted tip and grap
So easily swung to and fro
Lacking need of sight or thought

Oh what a dangerous thing we ignore
Forgetting the most basic rule
Skill and control of any tool we bring

Oh what a cunning little toy is this
That double bladed instrument in our trap
Tread carefully now

Oh its known to kill as well as caress
Like a Bull in a China shop
Its chaos if left unchecked

Oh it's a dangerous little toy indeed
If not seated and reined
It becomes our own undoing

Oh that foolish little toy we call a tongue
If let run without reguard
Destroy ones life completely

So I'm back. The same but different or maybe rather evolved.

I learned a lot about myself in this albeit wild goose chase of a hiatus.

Short version is that I am not so simply a submissive. Not saying submission is simple, far be it. I have a greater appreciation for those who can utterly do so. I have discovered I am not so. 

The want and desire to find one I can is still there but the need for it has become jaded. Jaded to the point that any appearance of one who thinks they can brings out a primal response of but do they dare?  So submissive has come off my list of titles for now.

I love pain, ache for it really. I can taste in in my dreams and cry tears of frustration at its absence.  Yet again when one attempts my mind warps into inflicting the same toward them. Not for pleasure but again for the jaded purpose of answering their unintended dare. Yet another title off the list.

Oh, the ever loving switch, if only I could in earnest grab hold. Again, not making light of those who can and choose to, but another title that requires that in the moment that a position be held to. In the past I would say bottom do what they will but now it's the fight I crave. I want to fight and win..but not because the other says it's okay. 

If you made it this far, please understand I really dont give a fig about titles or roles. Yes, it makes thing easier for some when introducing oneself to cut to the chase a bit. Beyond that maybe to many assumptions are being made based on a one word title. 

Does it matter if I tell you I'm submissive but will call you on your bullshit and can and will put you in your place? 

Does it matter if I'm a masochist that fantasies hurting you in the most delicious ways? 

Does it matter if what title I was suddenly isn't the perfect package you believe that title to be?

Titles dont fit me right now and I'm okay with that. I know and can appreciate that I am evolving into something quite different than what I believed myself to be. What that is...that is the question. It's dark and primal at the moment and hungry. But what does one feed a being with no name? 

Time will tell.

Will you let Me keep you?

 I feel like a bird.

One Hand cups seeds of promise.

The other a black wire cage.

Flitting glances between the two.

Will you look at Me?

My nerves now flutter.

Eyes crystal blue clear reflection of Soul.

Darkness tunneling into a spec of Light.

Battling forces between the two.

Will you come back if I let you go?

Emotions flock my mind.

A tall body of strength and security

Or shifting winds to travel unknown.

Stark contrasts between the two.

Will I?

So I wrote this thing the other day. It was part of my personal journey and how I chose to travel it. 

Made the disclaimers and admitted that it was not what would fall under the masses understanding of SSC. (Why personally I hate the preconceived notion that most of what we do falls under safe or sane by ambiguous definitions ...but as usual I digress. Another writing for another day.

I know I pushed the edges of edge play to some especially to those new to the scene, it was admittedly a reckless blog about a very multi dimensional process.

I hold myself responsible for my self and the example I am leading (even with disclaimers) others to possibly follow or emulate toward. I can and am holding myself also accountable to that fact. I have been in thus lifestyle a very long time. I have made my fair share of mistakes. Some of them from following what others did without the knowledge or guidance to know I was in over my head. I don't want to be the cause of another's folly in the same. 

I was approached this morning with concerns regarding said post and politely asked to I would voluntarily take it down. I have a ton of respect for the Leadership of this site for not only how they approached this but also the manner in which they are also holding themselves accountable for the safety of the site as a whole. Let me be clear, they did not tell me I had to but the reasons they felt I should. 

Part of responsibility and accoutablitilty is constant reflecting on how we are being viewed by others. The post was not what I want that reflection of me or my accoutablitilty to be. 

I am a "Safe" person. I am responsible for the "Risks" I willingly concent to myself. I am also accountable that others may not be and that my writing may have caused others to not be in their own journey. So the writing on my Demon came down.  

This is a life(style) and daily process for many of us. What we write isn't just fantasy or rules in a "game". There is no reset or do over button when things go wrong. I know better and will do better in the future to remember that not everyone quite gets that....yet.

I am Free but  wandering.

I am alert always watching.

Curious but nervously cautious.

I am aware of the danger.

Ready but to what fight or flight.

I am searching for a pack.

Craving but suplimenting the hunger.

Somewhere there is a place.

Confined but with purpose.

Somewhere there is an alarm

Cautioning with scents and sounds.

Somewhere there is a primal instinct.

Cunning in its takedown of any flight.

Somewhere there is a test of wills.

Fulfilling both hungers of primal and prey.

I am searching somewhere.

Oh that got you're attention?

Well for the sake of all we do please repeat after me:

Consent is Not hearing No.

Its ASKING and hearing Yes.

Do I like Consentual Non Consent? Guess you would have to get to know me and find out...by like ya know maybe just maybe ASKING????

Waking up this morning as I stumbled to the kitchen eager for my cup of coffee, I planted my foot squarely on top of a Lego. Pain, tears and words that would make a sailor blush came spouting out of my mouth. Happy Mother's Day to me, right?
 

I wanted to know how that little piece of sadistic plastic had come to land directly in my path.

Who brought it there and why it was left where it could hurt someone. I grumbled at the lack of common sense someone else had over not ensuring everyone else would be safe from that lil fucker!
 

As I picked it up and limped it back to the play room so it could rejoin the other 1032 legos. It made me think about all these recent demands for better safety and protection from others by others.
 

I knew about stepping on Legos and the pain they cause. I knew that I had Legos in my house. I knew I had 1033 of them. I knew the kid had been playing with them earlier.

I went to bed last night without checking for myself that they were all safely put away. I woke up this morning not watching where I was going. I assumed that others would have made sure that my path was clear between me and my coffee.
 

So intent was I on that one task of finding coffee,  I let my guard down.  So much so that the unexpected pain was actually a lot more acute than if I had been keen to remember to watch where I placed my feet. It hurt me but it didn't affect me past the 30 seconds pain and 1 minute of putting in its place, all by myself.
 

So as that Lego clattered among the others and was no longer identifiable from the rest it hit me all of those legos are just like these bully, predator, asshats and twat waffles running around here. Once in a while we are going to encounter one in an unexpected or unwelcome way.
 

We can sit and bemoan the fact that Others didn't do a better job keeping them contained or out of our way OR we can start taking responsibility that they are in the house and we may need to keep our wits about us when journeying through life.
 

Lets be honest. Its not just this house(site) we run across them. I have had accounts on many social sites from Kink to Vanilla. I have yet to not get some message on any of them that wasn't from some unsolicited douche. I have been in public whether a munch or just picking up a gallon of milk and had someone make a crude remark or pass. They are everywhere and as much as we can demand or make policies to contain them, one of the 1033 of them is going to be overlooked. It happens.
 

What can we do though:

Accept that we WILL run across them.

Put them in their place quickly and efficiently.

Let others know that they are about and how to avoid them and or deal with them if they encounter one.

Accept responsibility for how we may have caused or been able to prevent it.

Refuse to give them more credit than what they are or affect us going forward.
 

The Legos now have a limit on where they can be played with. On my profile I limit where and what others can see.

If one slips through it is quickly placed in a "bin" with other Blocked and Banned dumbinants, twuels, wankmissives.

I report TOU if needed on abuses but trust the powers at be that I will no longer need to give control of my mind to any further thoughts or feelings to that person.
 

Much like I do with all the others I meet out in the world wide web or planet at large. No, it won't work for all situations. But lets get serious for one moment. If you don't want to be random whank material or twuel food keep your profile to friends only. If you want to share with the world then expect that at times you may get pained when crossing paths with a few blockheads.
 

Off to finish my coffee, informed that we have 1036 legos so warily looking where I step. Should have put new pair of slippers on that Mother's day list.
 

Welcome to the playground let me start you off on the first and foremost in everything we do: Consent!

I usually try to add some humor or analogues to my writing. After the last few weeks however, I just gonna get to the point and blunt here!

Want to touch ? 

Want to participate ?

Want to be respected?

Want to not have your ass handed to you?

Its really quite simple if you follow one simple rule: 

Its No til Yes.

Do you have consent to ____?

The answer is no until you hear yes.

How do you hear yes? You open up your mouth and ASK!

If you don't hear, see Yes or otherwise get approval the answer is NO. Period.

If you hear No that doesn't give you consent to then bash that person, get butt hurt or assume you know better. You don't do it! Period.

Why didn't they say Yes? Who knows but until you ask or get to know them better you will never know. Start there. If they don't respond, move on. 

But don't ever think that you have consent because they didn't say No. Unless they said Yes you are pushing consent. If you insist to proceed without asking until they say No, you will have already violated consent by the time they are screaming No!

By the way, THEY then have the right to call you out, be butt hurt and KNOW they will Not Trust you further. Period.

See that's why Consent is important because its the first step toward Trust. 

You want them to Trust you? Start by letting them know you will respect the Consent they may or not give you. 

To those of you that get Asked: For the love Kink, know what EXACTLY you are consenting to! 

You put on your profile that you want xyz and get asked if you want to zyx. Do you know exactly the consent you are saying yes to? Do YOU even know what you say you want to say Yes to? 

Sorry, but saying later that you said Yes but you didn't understand or didn't like it doesn't give you the right to give to then bash that person, get butt hurt or assume they should have known better. Period.

So please, its really very simple: Consent is No til Yes. 

To get it you ASK

To give it you Own it.

PSA out!

So at some point in our lives we realized we weren't the average pint of vanilla ice cream. There was this aroma of some other ingredient in our desires. 

Some of us didn't even realize the favor was there until someone flung a heaping scoop of "oh fuck yeah" into our basic bowl of cream. Yeah you scream I scream we all scream....now what???

We went looking to find what that exact ingredient was so we could learn how to get more. Some assumptions started there. That the ingredient was oh so rare that the only way to find it would be: any ridiculous fantasy that required over use of Sir, true, and gift.

Unfortunately for many this causes the onset of freanzy and the offset of common sense.

It also was where those of us who had already found our sourse to our ingredient mixture started assuming we knew exactly what those new to Kinster Robins needed to obtain their perfect taste of the 69 flavors.

The basic flaw was in assuming on both ends. 

The taste testers with their little pink spoons assuming that every flavor should be tasted. The three double scoop rocky roader with their be perfectly balanced cherry thinking that they know what will be the perfect combination of cream, topping, sauce and nuts for that same tester. 

Both end up assuming and the mess of over zealous gluttony and bloating on nut allergy quickly has both pointing fingers as to who ruined that perfectly good sundae! 

So maybe lets just stop assuming. If you're new to the parlor take it one taste at a time. Ask don't assume what another has in their cone is going to work with your sprinkles. For those of us who know our preference lets start giving the advise we wish we had recieved.

On that note: I would love to hear from both sides as to what one either is looking for advise on or wish had been known when taking that first taste of the ever rotating flavor of BDSM.

 
 So let me begin by stating I have met many and more non asshats than I have those who I am talking to here. But for those I have let me give you one last smidgen of credit that you just don't realize how your douchery is making you appear. 

1. Stop thinking everyone wants to hear from you. 

Take a second and either fill out your profile to let us know why we would want to get to know you more or at least put in your message what you read in our profile that encouraged communication.

2. Stop Assuming that a person's label is defined by you.

So you see Submissive or Slave...guess what chances are until you actually talk to them you will not know how they define that label. Chances are it isn't what yours is and guess what? It doesn't have to be.

So you coming in and demanding anything from kneeling, pictures or any other flacid fantasy in our mind before knowing the who and why of who you are talking to will quickly put you in asshat category. 

For the record its not just Dominant issue either. As Subs we need to do the same and not expect that if the person we assumed by title was going to be the end all to your needs and wants...sit in the chair next to said Asshat above. 

3. Stop thinking you are the 2.0 to what someone has or experienced.

If you see that one is taken or just gotten out of a relationship do NOT come in assuming that you can or will be better than. Be you only you. Trust me works are cheap and actions will either void or validate those claims quickly. Barging in assuming you will be a better/twuer xyz than what is currently in the dynamic isn't only rude but creepy as well. Karma is also a bitch and if they will leave another for you asshattery they will also fall and leave you for the next asshat, and you will have deserved it. 

Same for swooping in on a rebound. Tread carefully.

4. Be Yourself as You are.

For all that is good and holy: DO NOT promote yourself as being bigger bladder better than you are. I won't digress further since I have another blog that touches on this topic alone. Just don't do it.

5. Don't Yuck another's Yum.

So I heard it put that way over the weekend and yes, its the whole my kink ain't your kink but its still a great way to avoid being seen as a twue asshat. 

Just because someone else defines or does something different than how you process it doesn't make it work or any less twue than your way. To demeen another's way is only to make you the fool in the mind of most.

I am sure there are other ways or ideas as to what makes an asshat and encourage you to comment with your own. These are just my top 5 that usually shows up in my inbox at least once or twice a week.