Raven’s crime.

A very strange night. A random wellness text to an old friend found him in need of an ear. After a while he bid me good night and told me that it was the best chat he had in months. It felt amazing knowing that I helped a man I like and respect. 
then as if karma actually existed I geta “ notification” from FB dating that seemed to be a secret crush glitch it didn’t let me respond but did show me part of their profile. 
  I think it’s from a cool attractive manager of the liquor store. I’ve always felt something between us but explaining Polly to someone who isn’t can make things complicated. 

someone give advice that’s not obvious 

To walk among humans as an observer, no life or emotion just a zombie attempting to make any kind of sense of this. 
   It’s beginning to feel like everything is moving around wile a sit and observe. Chaos,stupidity, every loathsome thing that brings me to despair. This contempt surrounds me, taunts me. 

     Nothing to do but wait. It can’t beat me, can’t kill me, not on its own. Somehow I seem to be helping it, feeding my adversary. 

How are we to respond when we are taught from birth that we are not worthy?My earliest memories are of my Sunday school teacher telling me that I was already dammed to hell for listening to the wrong music, dressing improperly, and being who I was.   This one judgemental cunt and her interpretation of her false god to condemn a child     
 

   FUCK THAT this same bitch also ran programs at my grade school including after school programs. As the (bad kid) I got blamed for everything that happened at that hell hole.  

I was a good kid until I was taught that I was not supposed to be, so I became the criminal they wanted I started smoking,stealing , fighting, everything they wanted me to be. 

The darkness surrounding,whispering, screaming I’m not sure if it wants surrender or conflict. Subservience or dominance. 
     By default my nature is confrontation. Not to run but to face this situation at all cost.  As the cloud envelopes me I’m tore between rapture and orgasm. Pain and pleasure. The coldest of all swaddles and the burning of desire. As if in a theesum with divinity and profane. But loved. 

As if there is some formless nothing that not only follows but envelopes everything around you blinding  you from the world you know is out there. 

it moves so completely and consistently. Rarely allowing a glimpse back into reality with any true clarity. 

binding me tightly now all has become reality, all things possible. Yet all is still crushing in its weight. 

This un seen path we are treading is the chaos of the unknowing mind muddled in memory hope and regret. 

let us hope the world opens soon. 

I need a few strangers to go through my profile an give it a quick critique (the profile not me)

I’ve never been really good at this. 

I’ve always prided myself on being an excellent judge of character. No one ever got over on me unless I let it happen.
The One person I have ever underestimated has haunted me and my family to this day. I still can’t understand how I let slip in. If I had to guess it must have been her daughter,this beautiful innocent kid that I wanted to care for, in her name I let this soulless cunt infect my family. And to this day we feel that scar.

Me who prides myself on my intelligence and judgment of character. Me who in 42 years have never been wrong about or miss judged a human being found myself outwitted by a moron for caring for a child.

In trying to show warmth I only grow colder.

I don’t know who or what I am anymore. I have given up so much to the idea of being a good parent that I’ve become a parody of hypocrisy.
I catch myself pushing my child down a path I myself would have never walked. And it seems to be costing me I everything I have ever believed. I’m losing my faith in the ancient ways, my identity as a heathen, metal head, and as an anarchist. So that he might be a better person than me.
This is the only place that I can even write this without my fake friends and family responding with 12 step and Christian bullshit about trust and turning it over. They all have such blind trust in their useless god and corrupted government they could never see that the world isn’t made for people like me and have no interest in helping my son become who he needs to be, just crush him into the mold that has destroyed so many children. Sacrificed to normality.

Empty space, everywhere everything that witch does that witch does not. All that could be and that what will never. Somehow here we are.floating within this. 
      
        Can the world be seen a a good place? Society, government. Our given rules and our rights, not given by gods but by elite men?

In these days of filters and up-tics how do we as a society determine truth let alone beauty. The most beautiful people I have ever seen feel fit to let unfit humans to judge them as if they understand beauty. Know your worth

Some of us still respect that.

Damon859
AkA
Homebrewer.