Steellover

Right off the bat, there's not gonna be any "racy" stuff this time. Some may see this as a good thing, some may be dissappointed, but it seems like no matter what I write, I can't please everyone...  

So this is for anyone who's ever travelled through Nevada.  If you haven't been there, or even if you have, you usually just think "Las Vegas, Deserts, Hoover Lake (you know, the lake that is dammed up by Hoover Dam) or maybe some area 51 aliens type stuff.  So a couple weeks back, I took a trip through the back roads of northern Nevada, just because... nobody else ever goes there, so why not. You wouldn't believe what I found, and it was both amazing, beautiful, and weird in a way you would never suspect.  

After heading south from Mountain Home, Idaho, I ended up passing through some hard-scrabble border towns (Owyhee and Mountain City) then took a detour on some back road.  The aspens, mountains, and wildflowers were gorgeous here. Tall stands of white aspens, wildflowers galore, rugged mountains and just green- green everywhere.  Not the Mars-like desert you expect.  So eventually I ended up at what is probably the weirdest town I have ever been to- Tuscarora.  It sits, out there off by itself, at the end of a dirt road, miles from anything important, the nearest town of any size (Elko) being over an hour away.  This place was just... fucking WEIRD.  But in a really cool way.  Imagine "The Hills Have Eyes" mixed with "Mad Max" and a healthy dose of Burning Man, and you might have an idea what this place was like.  Most of the buildings here were in various stages of decomposition and disrepair, but those that were standing were just... the residents who lived here (of which I would guess there were maybe two or three dozen or so) felt like "Fuck it; we can do whatever we want!  Just go nuts!"  You'd see things like an old model T pickup with a skeleton in it.  Giant sculptures of a huge slipper and a detergent bottle in the yard.  There was an old hotel labeled "Pottery School." Where apparently, they actually do hold pottery classes.  Random rusted machinery of all descriptions- old appliances, motors, and who knows what else, just strewn everywhere.  And this giant brick tower plopped on the western edge of town.  Because, I guess, Why not?  The pictures don't do it justice, but I'll upload some: 

Anyway, I spend the afternoon just wandering around here, then drove down to Winnemucca to spend the night.  There was this carnival type thing going on, live rock n' roll, carnival booths, food, and so on, which was pretty fun.

Then the next morning, I could have just shot straight up highway 95 to Boise but, that would be boring, right?  No, I instead headed over to Paradise Valley, a quaint, and really cool little back country town with all kinds of historic old buildings, part ghost town and part functioning modern village.  The little store here served lunch and drinks, and everyone was super friendly here.  Then, over two mountain passes, where the scenery got more and more spectacular, and the road got moree and more progressively gnarlier.  If you've never driven over Windy Gap pass, well, let me say there are few roads that inspire sheer white knuckle shrieking terror more than this road.  It just switchbacks steeply down the face of the mountain, the dirt road about as wide as your vehicle... and with 1000 foot drop-offs.   In other words, it was awesome... once you make it to the bottom. Anyway, it was all in all, a super fun little adventure, and fun to check out some places that not many other people would venture.  Maybe there's a good reason for that, ha ha.

"I know you better than you know yourself," she says.

"I know all of your innermost secrets, your deepest, darkest secrets.  I know what you secretly crave, your most intimate desires, and your deepest and most secret needs.  And I know how to make them come true."

"And our bond is deeper and more intense than that of any of my casual lovers," she adds.  "They satisfy a different craving, that you cannot.  Your submission satisfies me in a deeper way than they ever could."

Kneeling, naked and bound in front of her, I nod eagerly.  She has summed it up perfectly... I would have it no other way.

That is the way I dream of a BDSM relationship working.  A connection on a much deeper, more emotional level than any casual hook up.  A confession, and a realization, of our darkest and deepest fantasies, the parts we keep hidden from the world, and sometimes even hidden from ourselves.

Hopefully the site owners will come to the realization that the forums are not working today.  Don't worry though; I trust they are on top of it. Teasing and denying us through the lack of working forums, like web page chastity.  Once it is fixed, then the release will be awesome! 

When you are hopelessly locked up,

And those old memories, that old need, comes back, memories of what you once enjoyed, 

And your need for sex, for penetration, pure raging animal lust, becomes unbearable...

The want, the need to feel Her body as She teases and torments you, grinds against your caged cock and the discomfort becomes more than you can stand... 

Are you going to be a whiny bratty sub, begging for a release that you have not yet earned, and thereby earn a session of hard discipline?

Or will you tough it out, and live vicariously through Her lover, imagining yourself in his place as he satisfies her for you, relishing and worshipping his cock like a surrogate, as She wishes.  Let his satisfaction become yours.

If you do the latter, the release you will earn will be so much more satisfying than any casual sex could ever be.  

I generally avoid obsessively blog-posting about kink, for a couple reasons.  First of all, one person's kink is another person's cringe, and the more extreme your kink, the more people will find it cringe.  I try to keep that in mind whenever I find myself falling into a sub-frenzy, like I sometimes do.

Also, I am more than just the sum of my kinks; I have a lot of other outside interests, and other things going on in my life, that I like to share about.  That is only one small, facet of who I am.  "Submissive?" "Kinky?" yes for sure, but also artistic, into sports, music, the outdoors, cars, collectables, history, and a whole lot more.

With that said, I have complex feelings about corporal discipline, spanking and paddles. 

I am not super pain tolerant; not a "pain slut" by any means.

But yet, it isn't just about the pleasure of the sensation, or wanting it. I feel like it's an innate NEED.

Like an addiction to narcotics, only less self-destructive and harmful.  I don't really want, but rather I NEED, to feel the paddle on my behind, the sting of the rod, the harsh impact of the flogger. 

I need that discipline, that feeling that she, not I, am in charge, and I need that punishment for those misdeeds, those naughty thoughts, that inattentiveness to her. 

I need her to exact her price for my sins towards her. 

I need to feel like I am strong for her, stoic for her, and that I can take her punishment like a man. 

I need to feel a little scared, a little nervous.

I need to feel hurting, sore, on the verge of using the safe word, but hoping to hold out for one more whack of the paddle.

And it's an intimate need to share with the one I trust, the one whom I love and admire, and overall, the one willingly surrender to.

And I also hope, through all of it most importantly, that her needs are being met as well, and that the things I do for her will fulfill those needs.  

That's all I got; I'll post something less kink related next time.

I wake up in a daze, and greet the day.  Get ready for school. It’s a beautiful spring day, and finals are around the corner.  Maybe now I’ll finally get the nerve to ask Melissa to prom.

But in a brief moment of clarity, I realize Melissa is long gone.  Of course.

I sit at the desk.  The classroom is deserted.  Has been for some time, in fact. But I sit through the lesson, as the teacher drones on, and I count out the moments until the final bell.  The teacher explains something, yet it is eerily silent.

The final bell rings.  I walk through the empty halls. There is nobody to give me a ride home. The parking lot is empty. How long has it been since I last walked through these doors, for the last time? It’s been a long, long time, I realize.  The world has moved on. I guess I’ll drive myself home.

Get home and study. Do homework, eat dinner. It’s a nice evening; let’s see who’s out and about.  I walk through the neighborhood, thinking of the kids playing pick-up flag football and ultimate Frisbee in the streets. Maybe I’ll head down to the grocery store at the strip mall, or the quickie mart, in the hopes she’ll be there with her friends.  Sometimes she’s there at the Starbucks.  If so, maybe I’ll say hi. But wait, I don’t want to be too creepy or too obvious.  I wonder if she even wants to go to the prom at all.

The neighborhood is empty. The kids have grown up and moved away long ago. Even their families are gone.  Empty houses stare back at me.  I get to the Safeway parking lot, and the lot is empty.   The store is closed, there are no teenagers at the empty Starbucks, or at the closed quickie mart.   A quiet breeze cools the air. It is a warm, early evening. Nobody is around though.  The world has moved on.

Go home, cook some dinner, think wistfully about yesterday, and about what I need to do tomorrow.  Hey, at least tomorrow’s Friday.

I head to work, and the traffic is unnaturally light. I breeze through every single stop light and find a parking space as close to the front door as you can get.  I admire the weather; perfect, not too cool, sunny.  I walk in, get to my desk, log onto the system.  It is a slow day.  I really don’t have anything to do.  Everything is caught up.  Bored, I just sit there and look busy.  My boss doesn’t say anything. He isn’t there. 

After a while, I decide to head to the break room and grab some coffee.  Maybe I’ll see Angela there. She’s so sweet and always so friendly. I don’t THINK she’s married, but somehow I’m always afraid to ask her out.  I don’t want to get in trouble; they say that workplace relationships can be problematic.  But I do secretly like her.  I hope she doesn’t find out. 

She’s not there, though.  There is nobody in the break room, of course.  I grab my coffee, and return to my desk.

I sit, and stare at the clock.  Wait till lunch.  Downtown restaurants are thankfully not crowded today. In fact, nothing is crowded. There are no people anywhere.

After lunch, I finish my work for the day.  Nobody bothers me, even though I almost wish they would.  I want to ask Jeff about something, see what Will’s doing this weekend.  They aren’t here, though. It is lonely and empty, and I can’t wait for 5 o’clock. Once the day ends, I head for the exit, and realize, once again, that it has been decades since I retired.  The world has moved on since then.

I return home, through empty streets, to an empty house, and contemplate my place in a world that has long since moved on.  Patti is gone.  The kids are gone, even the grand kids have moved up and out, starting families of their own.  Deserted malls, empty houses, all the places I loved, hung out at, experiencing both joys, satisfaction, frustration and heartache, in, all empty now.

Maybe it’s time I let go, and move on with it too.  Because as wonderful as the past was, sometimes I still feel trapped in it. I’m nothing more than a breeze, a voice on the wind, only an echo, just a memory.

__________________

While this is a work of short fiction (I hope it wasn't too short, or too long) it does reflect how I sometimes feel, when I return to old haunts and relive old times.  Being sentimental is both a blessing and a curse.  I want to let go of the past, but still hang on to those memories that are pleasant, or even the less pleasant ones that shaped me into the person I turned out to be.  Thankfully things are going okay for me in the here and now, maybe not perfect; I am still searching for "The One," but at least okay, for the time being.

Sometimes you just want to escape, to those special places that touch your soul. I am lucky to live within only a couple hours away from some very special places, that are still relatively untouched by mass tourism, usurious entrance fees, and all the other accompanying problems you see at places like Yosemite, Yellowstone, Glacier, and the like. 

But this place, to me, is every bit as intense and beautiful as those places.  I come here often, for day trips, just to discover more of what lies beyond the next ridge or the next valley.  From the subtle patterns of banded rhyolite and chert in the rocks, to the beautiful and interesting wildflowers, to the wildlife (Always a chance to see wild horses, rams-horn sheep, coyotes, and other intersesting critters) to the grandiose, castle like crags and mountains stretching into the distance. 

It was about a 4 and a quarter mile hike out (8.5 miles roundtrip) to this particular spot.  I'd been in this area many, many times but never hiked to this particular spot.  It was a lot of up and down walking, following a rugged jeep trail along the ridge line, but when I got to this view point, it was all worth it. Perfect weather too, not too hot.  This wouldn't really be feasible in the heat of summer, as there isn't a lot of shade.  You do need sunscreen for this one. But once I was here, I just wanted to stay, take in the view, pretend it was my castle, and put off the long march back to the rig for as long as possible. And in my mind, while sitting at my desk, I kept the memory of this view with me to help battle the doldrums of a boring work day.

A couple weeks ago, I went and watched this legendary 70's hard rock band, at one of our local live music spots, none other than, the almighty Pentagram! 

So you've never heard of them?  Well, I guess that's the point.  This was a band that had so many close brushes with fame and rock n'roll immortality over the years, it's rather shocking that they weren't right up there with Ozzy, Judas Priest, Scorpions, or Blue Oyster Cult in hard rock consciousness.  Formed by singer Bobby Liebling clear back in 1971, they've persevered for over five decades, despite countless setbacks, breakups, hiatuses, drug issues, you name it. Every time they were right on the cusp of breaking big, it would all get derailed.  And sadly, a lot of that was self-sabotage, as drug problems, infighting and bad luck would always rear their head. But it was mostly the former, as Liebling battled hard drugs his entire life.  At one point Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley were going to get them a record deal, as they were impressed with their songs, but when they went to watch them rehearse, they were dissappointed by the lack of image (they dressed like regular working stiffs, not a circus act) and passed on them.  They even offered a hefty cash deal for some of the songs Liebling & co had written, but the band said no, basically.

Then came the 80s, an ugly breakup, more drug use, then finally their debut album.  And it was excellent, and had huge reviews.  But by 1985 when it came out (Two years after it was recorded, mind you) rock n'roll was all about the hairspray and makeup, and the new, cutting edge underground music was thrash metal like Metallica and Slayer, and punk like Black Flag, Suicidal Tendencies, and the Misfits.  As good as the album was, it was still stuck in the 70's underground aesthetic and was never destined to be a hit.  Several more albums followed, VERY sporadically, mind you, but over the ensuing decades, numerous drug , and accompanying legal troubles, Bobby Liebling persevered, never really giving up on his rock n' roll dreams.  

And he and his newest version of the band delivered one hell of a show.  For a contemporary of Ozzy, Liebling sounded great, still delivering an energetic performance, not a drugged out zombie like you would expect, and at 73, he admittedly looks much older than his years.  But he sang and moved around with the energy of a seasoned youthful veteran full of energy, and delivered a great show.  The music has shades of Alice Cooper, Blue Oyster Cult and of course Black Sabbath, and one can only imagine that if he had a little more self-discipline over the years, Bobby Liebling could have been America's answer to Ozzy.  Anyway, here you go, listen for yourself and tell me what you think; Pentagram played this track at their show 2 weeks ago and it sounded note-for-note perfect just like the album, heck maybe even better.

Just for tonight, I'd like to put all the troubles, insecurities, doubts, and angst out of my mind.  Everything I have been worried about, stressed about, thinking way too much about.  Stop thinking about what I have to do tomorrow, about plans I need to make for the weekend.  Let go of ALL of that, and just kneel in front of you, bask in the strength, power and grace of YOU, and your feminine sexuality.  Let me kneel and worship you, clean your boots, sing sweet odes of praise to you,  accept your punishments, or your rewards, I will leave that all up to you.  But overall, I want to just let it all go... and focus on YOU.  I'll cook you whatever you want. Do whichever you need.  Be yours to seduce, use, abuse, degrade, defile, belittle, spank, and humiliate, or if you prefer, to cuddle, chat, share secrets, and whisper sweet nothings back to.

And then, after tonight, maybe tomorrow.

You are out there.  You exist.  Somewhere.  I want to believe it.  Wherever you are, may your dreams be sweet.

How to train your cuck:  Seven easy steps.

First, remember, that he may be your companion, life partner and while you may love him, he is your boyfriend, romantic partner, and/or cuck, not your lover. As the saying goes, "A cuck may learn to suck, but he will never get to fuck." Since he obviously cannot ever satisfy you properly. However, you are together because he worships the ground you walk on, and you enjoy being around him. He is a perfect gentleman, sensitive, and- here is the key- is very submissive, is VERY open minded in terms of relationships, and VERY sexually adventurous.

Second, remember that YOU are sexy, and you DESERVE to be satisfied, in whatever way you wish; you are a Goddess! And as such, you, the goddess, deserve to get your way. If your man cannot understand it, he does not deserve you. But the best of them, those special subs, they will
understand. You deserve the best of them, too.

So with that said:

Step One: Put him in his place. Let him know that he is woefully inadequate at servicing your sexual needs, and that you WILL cheat on him. Let him know up front. If he cannot accept that, he cannot be with you. Most men will leave, but the best sissy cucks, they will understand.
Remember, you deserve the best.

Step Two: Chastity. Maybe you let him have one last fling with you, give him something to remember, and something to think about, and long for, as time goes by.  He will think back and remember what it feels like in the months- years- ahead.  This memory will be both a sweet torment and a motivation.  So Make it count.... Then... cage him. It bears repeating that a horny man is easily led by his balls. Condition him to get used to chastity. Control his orgasms and the timing and manner of them. Leverage rewards in return for good behavior- and, especially, as things progress, for stretching his limits. His limits-  like his sphincter!...   WILL be stretched.

Step Three: Sissification. Make him cross-dress in front of you. Let him strut around, his caged cock stuffed into frilly panties, wearing heels, a short skirt, slutty fishnets and a bra. Even a slutty wig and make-up. Tell him it's a play party, and it's all in the spirit of fun, and it will be.

Step Four: Swinging times!  It's not cheating if both partners consent. It's not exactly wife swapping, since only you will be swapping. He, on the other hand, will not. He'll still be locked in chastity and under your control, by now falling head over heels to keep you happy so as to earn that blessed orgasm. Then, find a man who turns you on physically. He can be a total bore- you might not even LIKE him- he could be intellectually inferior, as long as he is physically and sexually superior. He is your lover, not your boyfriend. After each fling, tell your cuck about how great the sex was and how well your lover satisfied you. He may be jealous at first but... he'll get over it.

Step Five: Cock Training. Buy a strap-on, one big enough to put his own equipment to shame. Teach him to worship it. Teach him sucking, then deep-throating techniques. A tip:  Tell him to suck it as if it were his own. Reward him for lessons well learned. Then, introduce it to his back-door: Use plenty of lube, starting with small plugs, before working up to the big time. Before long, he will be conditioned to crave that cock. If you've done it right, it will be the key to his own release.  As a bonus, whenever you unlock him and "reward" him, order him to lick up his own mess. It may be gross, but it will help condition him to the taste, should it become a factor down the road.

Step Six: Swinging times two. Continue the affair with your lover, only this time, make him watch. Show him how your lover's equipment puts his to shame. Show him how a real man satisfies his mistress, giving you what he never could. He may be both jealous and humiliated- at first. But in the end, he will learn to live vicariously through your lover, and imagine himself in his place. The more satisfied YOU are, the happier HE will be. This is the natural progression.

Step Seven: The Final emasculation: Forced bi participation!  By now, your cuck has mastered the art of cock sucking, and can take a decent strap on in his back-door. You have spoken to him, prepared him for what most straight men would find to be the ultimate taboo. Make sure he is ready for this.  But if he is- and you've conditioned him properly, (through both rewards and, if applicable, punishments,)  He is now ready to be an active participant in your sexual pleasure, only as your personal submissive cock-worshipper. 

You should, of course, also discuss this with your stud, bull, whatever term you prefer, beforehand.  He may be just as reluctant to let another male service him. Though some men will relish the power of emasculating another man while sexually conquering his wife/girlfriend. 

But if it's a go from all sides... Have fun!  At the start, have your cuck fluff your lover to get him primed, then afterwards, do so again, to prime him for another round. You may even want him to swallow your lover's load, if you prefer.  Make him clean BOTH of you, even. Let him relish the reward of tasting your body, and living vicariously through your stud. Or, if you are in a particularly sadistic mood, order your cuck to take your lover in his back door. Thereby, making BOTH of your men prove their loyalty to you.

And once you've been satisfied, don't forget to reward your cuck for his dutiful submission. Or if need be, give him the business end of your flogger for his mistakes instead.

______________________________

Lastly, I apologize to any and all fans of the BBC/ American PBS TV Show, "Poldark."  Because I mis-spelled the name. ( ha ha)  Although, I gotta say, I really don't care for the show, and I'm still bummed they cancelled "Doctor Who" for it.  But for those who enjoy this type of historical-themed romantic fiction, I suppose it does have it's qualities that some of us sci-fi geeques haven't yet developed an appreciation for.

"Poledark"  (An ode to really bad PBS TV shoes.)

I hate M'f&&G Poledark, The worst show on TV

I hate M'f&&g Poledark, It means nothing to me

I hate M'f&&g Poledark, This shows a bunch of crap

I hate M'f&&g Poledark, whoever made this is a sap.

This show sucks, it's really bad

When it comes on then I get mad

Whose at fault, let's take a guess

It was those hacks at PBS!

I hate M'f&&g Poledark, worst show on TV

I hate M'f&&g Poledark, it means nothing to me

I hate M'f&&g Poledark, It's boring and it sucks

I hate M'f&&g Poledark, guess we're out of luck!

PBS, they have no clue!

They show THIS, but cancelled Doctor Who?

This shows boring and it's lame,

I'd rather watch a pro golf game!

I hate M'f&&g Poledark, worst show on TV

I hate Mf&&g Poledark, Last show I'd want to see

I hate M'f&&g Poledark, It really made me pissed

I hate M'f&&g Poledark, cancelled Doctor Who for THIS!

This show's bad, it's really terrible

Watching it is so unbearable.

I rage against the TV Set

I'd rather watch the Bachlorette!

I guess this rhyme is not that funny

But it's why PBS no longer gets my money!

What's an American to do, 

When they took away the Doctor Who?