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Aces and Aspies

What it says on the tin, I'm an Ace with aspergers syndrome a higher functioning form of Autism... yeay....
3 years ago. June 8, 2021 at 10:52 PM

Talking beyond the whole no sex please thing there are plenty of Ace types out there.

First of all Asexuality it's self has had minor tweaks in its broader meaning but the common and obvious definition is a low or nonexistent interest in sexual relations.

Now from others I have spoken to I've personally noted that Asexuality and the Libido are not one and the same.  

EX.

     1. A person may be perfectly happy and even enjoy pleasureing them selves, but the idea of someone else getting involved is abhorrent.

     2. A person may not have any libido but will engage in sex for the sake of a sexual partner/s.

     3. A person may find people 'sexy' in an Asthetic way but not actually be sextually attracted.

     4. A person may be with a partner or partners who are both Ace and not

Of course these are just a few examples from personal experiences of other Aces I know.

 

Why do I personally identify as Ace?

Well it simply is what it is, even before I understood what sex and relationships were I knew there was a key diffrence between me and girls my age.  While they where talking about cute boys, or following interest in handsome celebrities I was more interested in other things,  what really caught my attention was how different my friend said I was once. 

We both loved Sailormoon and watched it together after school at her house or mine.  When talking about it once she talked about tuxedo mask and how handsome he was and how she'd marry him if he was real.  For my part I was more interested in being Sailormoon, not for the boy but for the adventure, so I could make lots of friends and save the world (at the time I thought if I could be a magical hero like sailormoon I could cure my sister)

She wasn't mean about but did think it was weird that I didn't want to marry tuxedo mask so she asked me who I did want to marry and I told her I didn't know.  While part of that could easily be part in parcel of my aspergers that is the first significant memory where I felt different.

For a while in highschool I thought I was gay, I had so little interest in boys out side of anime and harry potter (I'm a Snape simp don't @ me lol) And I preferred the company of girls but, just company.  I seriously began to wonder if something was wrong with me, when I met my ex.

That's a story for a  whole other time but suffice it to say he convinced me to do things for him I didn't want to do because that's what girlfriends are supposed to do.

It wasn't until my mid twenties that I learned about Asexuality and after looking into it and researching it I realized that it fit me best.  After all that time thinking I was broken or weird, discovering Asexuality was a thing took so much off my mind.

 

How the internet helps and is still helping.

I found out about Asexuality through an erotic role play forum.  Not this kind of real stuff but writing kind of roleplay which I started to improve my writing skills.  I learned a lot about all sorts of different sexualitys including Aces and Aros. 

I learned that the romantic interests in well written characters did not make me anyless ace, because not wanting sex didn't mean not wanting love.  By this time I had relocated to the UK and didn't have any real friends to talk about it with.  I was able to find all sorts of forums for Ace people and got a lot of support and information.

 

The dark side of the rainbow.

Finding the answers I had needed had settled a lot of anxiety but it opened the door for a new flood of troubles that I am unfortunately familiar with.

While Aro/Ace people are considered part of the LGBT+ community it was quickly apparent that some people, even in the community saw Asexuality as being not real, and even accusing ace people of attention seeking.  I'm used to people claiming my situation isn't real, I'd been putting up with Autism deniers all my life, but I was shoked that anyone in a community that already faced such horrible treatment would so easily lash out at some one just as badly treated.

 

We as a people have made great strides in bettering things for people who are different from the perceived norm.  From better mental health support to different sexualitys being more accepted (obviously theres work to do still but its going) but there are some things that still need a lot of work and the better acceptance of Aro/ace people in general is one of the big ones.

Thankfully finding communitys like this gives me hope that it's happening.

3 years ago. June 5, 2021 at 8:29 PM

Well what can I do here other then Introduce myself?  I'm Asra, real names are for way down the road and Asra sounds nicer then my real name anyway.  I'm a Sex repulsed Asexual who suffers from several mental disabilities including, Asperger syndrome, Depression, and PTSD brought on by My sister passing away in our youth and a very abusive ex.

I've probably made a few of you go

"Well if you are Ace why are you here?"

That's a fantastic question... 

Moving on, I'm probably not as funny as I think I am but if I can get a chuckle or a snort I'm a happy clam.  Though sometimes my humour can edge towards dark and I fully blame that on my family,  they fully accept the blame.

So why am I here?  Well why is anyone here.  to find the right one (or ones in the case for you lovely Polys out there, not my thing but you do you <3) I have a vision of what I want, and maybe I'll find it, and maybe I'll get to know someone and it'll be completely different from what I thought?  Who knows that's the fun of potential, I both love and Hate potential because it can be ANYTHING  from mundane to fantastic.. which is amazing and terrifying when you have anxiety HA!

What do I want you ask?

A dom.

But like, a mental dom? maybe spankings further in the relationship? I don't know I've never done this before, but I kind of know what I want but also my limits.  I am sex repulsed, Part of that come from sever Tactile defensiveness,  I am so sensitive even certain fabrics are painful for me to wear.  But I want cuddles some times.  I want hugs and hand holding and all the sweet things.  ((This is the part where I admit that at 32 I have never seriously kissed anyone,  Pecks on the cheek but that is it))

I want someone I can love whole heartedly who will love me back.  I love a good Alpha but, alphas tend to really really really want sex so I'm probably boned on that front.

Gender?  Don't care.  Even if I was interested in sex gender has never mattered to me, I think that would make me Pan-romantic? I think?  I can't keep track of all these titles  anyway what I want is an emotional connection (And if you happen to shove me up against a wall to make sure I remember I belong to you I don't think I'd say no <3... is that to much? that's probably to much...but hey if I'm not honest here when will I ever be?)

I know I'm not pretty.  I can be nice to look at if I put effort in but I work from home and Rarely go out so I rarely put the effort in, I'm also Fat,  I'm tall so I was able to pull it off for a while but lets just say lockdown and finding a pizza place that delivers has done me dirty.

Basically I'm a hot mess.  I only work as a free lance illustrator because People don't actually have to see me so nothing about my awkward personality or face can put people off.

I live with my mom, She's my mental health caregiver.  I have episodes of complete Paranoid breakdowns, which I know most of my triggers for but not all of them.  suffice it to say on a really bad brain day I can be found huddled on my bed with my sword shaking and crying in absolute terror...

Maybe I'm more trouble then I'm worth, I don't know what I can offer.  I thought I did but Like I said abusive ex.  everything I did was never good enough even things I did that he asked for that I... didn't really wanna do.  So I don't know what's right.  Someone whose willing to let me learn, who'll guide me?  I can't offer much more then me.  My heart, my mind, my time, my devotion... is that enough, is that worth all of this?  *I shall proceed to gesture to all of me*

I don't know, I really don't.

I will hope though. I'll hope that someone sees past the mess, the anxiety, and the not really knowing what I'm doing.  To me, the person passionate about art, and anime.  who has three silly perfect dogs, who loves her family and has so much more love to give to the one who wants to be only hers and wants her to be only theirs.  

I will hope.