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Rose's Thorns.

A general pondering.
2 months ago. Sun 11 Aug 2019 04:49:58 AM IDT

I've been trying to get back into single land recently and realised something I would like to share on here. 

I've gone back to vanilla land... 

i hate going back to vanilla land but not for the reasons you might expect.

I've been single for a few years now. im happy to be the fun time girl, but there is a reason im not. Guys often complain about being led on or having blue balls or not scoring. This wouldn't bother me and didn't for years, i have been moving away from this more recently. As a woman finding a guy who respects you is rare, especially one who respects you in bed, even if your into bdsm. This would be easy to blame on porn but i think its something bigger. Many men just care about themselves enjoying things in bed. Imagine being with 30 girls and only 2 ever cared about you even enjoying sex. 

And even then one still thinks its okay to call you a bitch half way through because you happened to mention your into bdsm. Feel free to look at my limits. Keeps touching my ribs and then apologizing afterwards. 

im saying this because i don't think men can realise just how painful this can be for a woman and i mean physically as well as mentally. Enjoying things with men time after time and never getting to be fully there.

i had a coil change the other week and screaming all the way through because of how difficult I found it. 

i gave up on being with someone a while ago, but the next time you think about scoring with a woman, think some respect and caring if she has a good time can go a long way. how can you make sure she has a good time i hear you ask? Just caring is the first step, and ask her. Don't assume something that you have seen or has worked for someone else will work for who your with now. Xxxx

3 months ago. Wed 03 Jul 2019 03:59:46 AM IDT

ended up having to defend the decision to stick up for myself. No idea if it came across the wrong way. It's funny how some think your critical of there behaviour while telling you how you should be acting. Then get in a huff thinking your saying how they should act when all your doing is justifying your own behaviour, something you shouldn't have to do. Then ignoring you so you cant even check if its been taken the wrong way. You should never have to justify standing up for yourself, we all have different ways of coping one isnt better than the other. We just have different ways. I came here to have fun and catch up with friends it will be a while before I come back. 

4 months ago. Fri 24 May 2019 10:57:32 PM IDT

so some of you know this is my nickname. I can be a little prickly. 

im like this as without it, it can feel like getting steamrolled at times, that my opinion despite it being mine is somehow invalid, wrong or not even worth considering.

secondly, being open about who i am and sex topics in general as woman, when your not used to it, is still very freeing. But can also lead to some miscommunications too. 

so with that in mind...

im becoming aware that when trying to put a point of view forward, i know what im trying to say but often i think I've put it across and then realise it could be read another way. I don't know if this is me being cautious as im not used to being open and it not being clear or the dyslexia or .. Both. 

so again with that in mind.

i am going to try and work on improving my communication and come across a little less abrasive. Although thorny has been needed and will likely need to come out at times, there is a way of being assertive without being abrasive ... Im not sure how yet but want to get better with it. 

i also am concerned that as mentioned when i write sometimes i think it says what i want it too and then realise it can come across a different way. So im going to try to improve how i word things. 

im putting this up as im going to try a few new things and want to improve but also know something might go unintentional wrong while im trying to improve. I really hope it doesn't. 

trying to be a more improved thorny. communicate better be more welcoming less abrasive but still assertive. 

Rose xx

4 months ago. Fri 24 May 2019 08:00:20 PM IDT

its so rubbish my new bestie is my hot water bottle.

4 months ago. Thu 23 May 2019 03:18:20 PM IDT

okay big sigh... 

i have seen on a few profiles now that a sub is in no way in charge. That a Dom has control and in charge of every aspect of the dynamic and its a woman's natural place to not be in charge and be by there side. 

i would kindly suggest people re exam in there wording. 

A sub although on her or his knees is actually the one with the control. Not the Dom. 

i know im going to get so much flack for this. 

A sub can stop at any point. I do mean ANY point they choose to. Which is why a sub is in control. 

A Dom has power over nuances and situation. A sub has control as that situation can not take place without there yes there consent or happiness otherwise its stopped. Infact a sub can guide a Dom with amber green and red. 

Wanting a woman in her 'natural place' to wait on you isn't a Dom unless the sub agrees....

seeing a pattern here? 

This is not the place for egocentric wanting to be waited, women to second class, on needing to control everything with possessive intent. That is not BDSM. 

on many Dom profiles, this is how its coming across even if its not meant that way, i would kindly think about rewording. 

waiting for the first arrow to fly. 

4 months ago. Thu 23 May 2019 12:12:18 AM IDT

im considering creating a routine myself, but i could do with some advice 

for a while now i don't eat as i don't realise im hungry but then it takes about two hours to decide what to cook ...eyeroll... 

This sort if goes for a few things at the moment and i seem to be very indecisive so im thinking if i make my own routine it might help. 

some advice would be appreciated thanks. 

4 months ago. Wed 22 May 2019 04:03:02 AM IDT

this sub is. 

4 months ago. Mon 20 May 2019 11:10:37 PM IDT

im becoming more and more tired as time goes on. I don't think tired covers it, flat might be a better word anyway... Im tired of having to keep putting myself back together. Things happen in life that can stick with you, even when delt with. Im tired of having my head put in a blender every few years or at least that's what it feels like. 

Im good at being strong but the truth is its exhausting. It would be nice to not have to, to have the option. 

Im also tired of keeping my walls up, they are getting heavy; but they are there for good reasons. 

Im tired of not being respected as a single woman. Of the messages requesting kik or images or unwanted images being sent to me. 

im considering going back to vanilla, even though i know my identity as sub. 

the one thing that's stopping me is its often worse. 

(after posting this, im likely to get messages 😞)

 

4 months ago. Fri 17 May 2019 04:49:16 AM IDT

it would be nice if someone my own age took an interest in me. Someone who wasn't +20 years my age and was actually single 

5 months ago. Mon 13 May 2019 01:14:02 AM IDT

im so fed up and board. Im trying to come up with a list of fun things to do over the next few weeks. Any suggestions?

im currently trying to relax and trying really hard to sit still.