Rose's Thorns.

I've been very grateful for your support and insights over the past few weeks. 

I've reflected on some of the points and realised a few errors on my part that have given me a new perspective, which I am very grateful for. 

I think this is an issue many women experience so am sharing my new insights. Please feel free to comment, agree or disagree below  ☺️

I have unintentionally emasculated the men I am with... this is not done out of mothering them... being argumentative or disagreeable... quite the opposite 

I thought I was being accommodating... easy going... reducing the burden... lightening the load

I was wrong... men like the weight it helps them feel masculine. Like a man. They like something to aim for...

What do I mean? 

He suggests going on date... a movie... getting you a rose or going to see a fancy building... 

What do I do....

'that's okay, it's not needed, we can just go for coffee'.... 

I think I'm being accommodating, I'm being nice. I struggle with self worth and feeling cared for seems completely alien to me. So I have to manage the situation... I'm an absolute idiot. I didn't realise and now I can't un see it. 

No... a man wants to feel capable.. I have just robbed his oppertunity to feel masculine and plan a date. 

What I should have done is said 'thank you, that sounds amazing I really appreciate it' ... the problem is I don't think I'm worth it and I like being corrected... aka 'no I'm sorting it anyway' 

But men are often told off for being assertive and until they know you better just be accepting because it comes across as ungrateful. 

The same thing goes for relationships... if you lower you expectations to be accommodating you remove the man's ability to feel like he is chasing a prize he can win. It's up to him to meet those expectations and challenges. It gives him purpose and joy as a man... how am I only learning this at 34

This is going to be challenging habit for me to break.... ive had to be capable and strong and hard .... its terrifying. It shouldn't be but it is. Because women spend their whole lives being accommodating to family, especially with caring raising siblings, putting their needs to one side. 

You have to have the confidence to accept what is willingly given and maintain your expectations of what it is you want out of the relationship. To know what your needs even are and make them attainable for the man... be reasonable but have goals. 

Guys... have I understood this from your perspective? 

Thanks 

X

Thank you for everyone's advice and support with dating... its completely insane out there. 

I'm trying to be a softer and approachable woman but life doesn't half make that hard sometimes... because you have to survive and that's difficult without having a man to sleep next too. 

I'm trying my best to reexamin that softness is not weakness 

Men... stop thinking you are unworthy and it's a kindness and a virtue to leave a woman in the wilderness of dating... it is not. Do you have any idea how many predators there are out there.

Women don't want the biggest house, the newest car, the biggest TV. They want someone who will connect with them, give them hugs, raise children with and they feel safe with. 

Saying you need a house, need more money ect... yes there are realities but be careful your not just pushing someone away or making excuses. Because when you get those things you will be terrified to loose them to the wrong woman. 

You build together, from day one. With nothing, you create everything together... both of you. 

Everyone seems terrified of commitment.... I'm not sure why when it's the fence sitting that hurts people. 

Lastly... if your not serious about longer term things, marriage, kids ect... don't entertain a woman's hopes at a certain point it becomes cruel. Don't waste her time... but honestly,  there aren't many men out there that are serious about the longer term, which is incredibly sad because it's legacy and family. All they care about is going out and living in fantasy land. 

No other word for it than Smut... an ode to the tropic of cancer. Consider it a hopeful autobiographical account... the possibility remains to be seen. 

So... the news was dire... just like a blown out tire, her sex life may have to retire. I mean what else are you supposed to do after a contreceptive injury to there... 😐 

Meanwhile an acquaintance is considering sleeping with women for the first time in a long while. He happens to be a Top....he's kinda cute and just the right amount of insane to know how to have fun. It's been years since she had a good time... her early 20s where a lot of fun with her Dom but that's years ago.... sex doesn't seem so fun now. I don't think men know how to handle a smart mouth nowadays she thinks back to meeting her boyfriends parents for the first time... 5 min before they returned home she was being eaten out on top of the kitchen table... then had to sit the whole way through Sunday dinner knowing what had just occurred. 

This was years ago tho... she wasn't like this anymore, no one drew her desire like that... to the point it was dripping down her legs again.... until a friend started reading the tropic of cancer to her... 

Omg... what has this man done to me. I can't think straight. Do you have any idea to think your no longer interested not just in kink but in sex altogether then someone comes along with very luid descriptions and sets the fire raging. 

It's ungentlemanly to put a woman in such a position then leave her hanging because he decided to go back to men.... It took weeks to convince her to give it a go 'I'm the plug not the socket... I don't do that' aka this is Topping in the gay scene... very new info for me. 

For weeks she had been wondering 'but I'm not a man I can't do that'... in all honesty there is not much left on my bucket list. Taking a man isn't something of interest, even if I have done it in the past... although it did get her thinking.... she hasn't enjoyed being the socket before... she hasn't had the know how or experience to know how to make it good. 

The voice over the phone comes back ... ' I want you to wear the red ones'. 'I fucking do want it and I'm going to get it' .... her cheeks flame bright red... she is glad he can't see the state of her face or her shame for that matter. As she shifts squirming in her seat. 

Trying to act innocent 'the red one really... well I'm not sure', 'I might put the purple one on just because I can'.... she's in the mood for a spanking and doesn't quite know how to say it. 'If I do put the purple one on, does that mean you will have to punish me'... 'yes, I've even bought a padded because I'm going to spank you in front of everyone at my party'..... she didn't think it was possible to go more red, how wrong she was. 'Erm no I'm not sure I can do that' ... 'how about a strip show and blow job before the party starts.... she's wondering if she can put handcuffs on him hehe. 'No I want to fuck you in front of everyone, your mine'... it takes her entire will power to stop herself moaning down the phone and putting her hand between her thighs. 

He really has no clue how good he is at this.... its really not fair. 

Just incase he does get the idea... I mean he is already planning on displaying porn at this birthday party so... and no its not sexy porn it's ridiculous in nature.... he might actually think he can replicace it with a life floor show... she starts panicking now... 'I'm not sure I can do that... its a bit questionable... a bit dangerous'

'I am dangerous... I'm going to spank you in front of everyone because your mine' this time a brief moan did escape her lips. 

He then let slip 'I want you to arrest me, tie me up, strip for me and if I ever end up in prison your visiting me' (no actual concern about this unless it's due to inappropriate tweets)... 

'I know it's not just your face that's blushing' oh fuck... I honestly can't cope with the level of smut this man describes... considering he has never gone down on a woman let's just say my panties would have gone through the floor with the way he spoke about such things. 

But there was something she was wondering, she was struggling with... after a bad contraceptive issue... things would be difficult if not challenging... no idea what the Dr means by physio... there and frankly wasn't going to ask. 

'What if I drop the soap in the shower... what would you do?'

Unfortunately he didn't quite understand... 'I'm the plug not the socket... no one is dropping soap and im not being the socket' hmm.... okay. 

Erm.... I kinda meant me... but of course she is too shy to say such things. She's never enjoyed it and was hoping someone more experienced could show her how. 

It might be one of the few ways she could actually enjoy sex atm. She tries again... 'okay but what if I drop the soap during congical visits at the prison' ... 'I told you I'm not doing that' 

He doesn't get it... he thinks I mean the other way around. 

She is sat there squirming... quite literally with it dripping down her thighs... but she's being good... she won't touch it ... not without permission 

'Tell me again what to wear, red or purple'... 

'No I'm not picking things out, especially when what your wearing doesn't leave much to the imagination... but you do know I don't wear boxers, I might accidentally expose myself like i did last week' ... oh dear... help me 

So maybe she's a bit naughty 😏, but she kept it quiet tho... he does know what she got up too 

If he ever did... she might get that spanking after all. 

Honestly... he's much better at it than anyone will ever tell him.... even me because I find it highly embarrassing how much he turns me on... 

Hmm.... there is one thing she has been wanting to try but has no clue how to ask. 

Deep in the thoughts at the back of her mind, she wants him to take her... the way he takes men. Bent over ruffles from her 1950s dress all about, stockings and garter ... but no underwear. 

Starting bent over a desk or table, teasing her running his hands over her ass before spanking it until the redness shows and he can feel the heat on his hands... moving his hand south he plays with her... put a vibrating plug inside her wetness. She doesn't know it vibrates yet. A few more spankings take place. 

Eventually clothes go flying ... they end up kneeling on the bed. Leaning over he pushes his cock into her arse with one firm movement... feeling his weight on her makes her go weak at the knees. She can already feel the wetness between her thighs. He then puts one arm around her waist and pulls her onto him pushing deeper inside. She can feel him hitting the back of her G spot.... oh fuck. Moving his hand round he starts the vibrating plug... 

She's on top of him while he takes her from behind, but she is most definitely not in charge. He holds both of her hands by his hips giving him total control with every movement. Kissing her neck leaving bite marks all down one side. She leans back onto his chest arching her back her breasts raised and nipples hard. He bites her neck while she caves... she moans in ways she hasn't for years. Feeling every inch of him taking her in ways she's never experienced before. Before feeling him inside her... he picks up the pace. She asks if she can come... at this point it's more of a notice than a request... she can't take much more. He thrusts in her again and whispers 'say that again?' In her ear. 

'I need to come.. please can I'  He can hear the desperation in her voice and smiles breafly into her neck before pushing deeper and saying 'yes you can enjoy yourself' for he knows exactly what he's doing... and just as he thrusts and comes into her she falls apart moaning and coming at his touch, while he bites her neck. 

.....a lady can dream right... 

I would like to become a better more supportive woman and i don't know what men like and appreciate, so i thought i would ask... what do you appreciate about women and how they interact with you?

Do you like the chase? 

What does a woman do that makes you feel competent and confident as a man?

What can a woman do to inspire you as a man? 

How does her behaviour inspire you? 

What turns a man off? What is too challenging? 

What is frustrating to you as a man? 

What are some of the best experiences and some of the worst? 

Thank you 😊 

I'm curious if anyone else has come to a similar conclusion. 

The dating world is a disaster zone but I'm noticing a trend among men and wondering if other women are experiencing it. 

I've been rejected by 3 men in 18months... ouch. 

Some of them quite serious relationships. 

I'm finding some of them are lacking confidence, self esteem and think they are doing me a favour by not being with me because they don't think themselves good enough. 

I don't think men realise women judge competence in men, differently to men in general. They think they aren't enough. I can't describe the mental and emotional safety just from belonging and being with a man. I can sleep at night. Unfortunately men think they need the biggest house, the biggest car, the biggest TV...  I don't care about such things. 

Honestly me going 'I will sort that out', 'I don't need roses' and 'I can do this' probably hasn't help as they feel worse. That they aren't capable. 

But the economy is crap... for millennials everywhere it's a challenge. How do I support the guy to feel like a man without me stepping in to sort stuff... which then makes him feel incompetent. Because we are now living in a situation where this is necessary and what does that mean for dating if its putting men off relationships.

I really struggle with depending on anyone other than myself, so even if he is secure... for my own mental sanity I would need to have my own security too. 

I'm lost with how to navigate this... 

Any men out there.. any suggestions on how to make a man feel like a man? 

Thoughts?

That feeling is back.... crawling inside your own skin... anything to get it out.... so the calm black void returns and your eyes go black with desire. 

Dopamine binges at sex parties are always a fun option.. 

Being rejected for the third time in a row kinda destroys a woman's self esteem... each man thinks he is somehow doing me a favour... fucking cowards. 

Unfortunately, i now know the places I can get dopamine binges in very particular night clubs in London 

I've been very good the past few years... I think it's time to go into the black void once more... at least I will have a good time and stories to share. 

So... where to begin. 

I have somehow found myself in a situation. 

A friend of mine 'Jim' rang me up a few weeks ago panicking because he slept with a woman.... He hadn't done so since mid teens and very briefly. He was panicking that he wasn't gay enough.... that others would judge him because he enjoyed sleeping with a woman. Who cares... sleep with whoever you like as long as your happy and have a good time. 

I really didn't understand the panic, until yesterday. After this incident Jim asked me out i was flattered, but I know he has been panicking thinking he doesn't know what he is doing but won't say, just brief snippets of conversations with his friends asking about what women enjoy. I have been attracted to him for a while because he is a Top, but I didn't know that and he didn't know I was a bottom bdsm wise..

When a 'mutual friend' got involved, we will call him 'Tom' ... assumes that I'm being judgemental because of course he is gay... who am I to assume I know better... outside of here I live a very ordinary life, not many know the depths of my depravity. I look like little miss innocent and I like it that way. 

I just thought it would be a fun few weeks, he could see if he liked women or not after his one night escapade. I already know I'm too high maintenance, relationship wise, with too much baggage for most men. But I have known this man for years and am comfortable enough to give it a go with him even if it's just as friends so he can explore and know if he likes women or not. He might even like women and decide I'm not for him, he might meet a fantastic man ... who knows. The point being it's not for me or anyone else to judge, so a date was arranged and the cancelled (Jim has been struggling... but honestly if you could hear our phone conversations... its spicy and judging from the noises im getting off the pictures hes gotten,  he may very well go both ways).... then came 'Tom'. 

What I have come to realise is that 'Tom' is a bottom, who likes men who dress up as women and dominate him... I know 'Jim' well enough to know that's not for his tastes, even if he does like men... (I feel like my brain won't stop imploding, now i realised whats going on). 

Because 'Tom' accidentally sent me a message for 'Jim' ... telling 'Jim' how vulnerable I am and to go with his advice, because Im upset so won't speak to him for a while and Jim should keep his distance from me for my own benefit, who the fudge does this guy think he is. I've known Jim for years as a friend. Furthermore if he wants to give it a go with a woman what buisness is it of his.... if Jim does want to again, that's for Jim to decide and Tom needs to sod off. 

So... 'Tom' has been inviting 'Jim' out to gigs, events ect... awesome. There is just one issue 'Jim' is not getting back safe, 2 or 3 times he has got lost walking back, struggled to find trains, not recognising where he is and feeling incredibly ill with sleeping in until 1pm the next day despite getting home at 11pm ... Jim has lived here for years so I'm a bit concerned 

I'm not best pleased.... I'm genuinely concerned for my friend. 

Tom is now messaging me implying that I'm being judgemental because 'the heart wants what it wants or does not'. Fyi... in vanilla land I am little miss innocent and I have tried going back to church again... so I'm now being accused of being judgemental because 'Tom' is making assumptions about my character ... in some ways it's quite amusing because I want to Top his ass as a bottom.... thing is he wouldn't get the insult. Cos he has no clue my track record makes Jim look like a saint... 🤣. Jim knows tho.. that's why he speaks to me. 

I'm somehow in a conversation where I'm being told I'm being judgmental of Jim wanting to give it a go with a woman and asking me out because obviously he is gay... of course he is, just look at Tom... 😏🤣 how can he not be, of course, Tom is such a catch. 

See the thing is 'Jim' has told me a few things about his past and what he wants longer term... I don't think he has told anyone else, and there is a lot of trauma in his background that he has shared with me that he is struggling with. Irrespective of if he likes men or not. I'm concerned Tom is taking full advantage of the situation and am struggling to contain my urge to Top him in conversation. 

This is what I'm trying not send via WhatsApp so I'm putting here to try and preserve my sanity and hopefully defend Jim's honour, even if just as a friend. 

....

Don't imply you know me well enough or assume what i should or should not feel. Clearly, you're not used to dealing with emotions....

Who Jim chooses to sleep with, man or woman is up to him and not for you or anyone else to judge.

Who do you think you are to judge others, 'The heart wants what it does but also does... not'. You are not God, don't presume to be. It's not a good fit.

You also don't know that much about what I like... but I do know about your preferences... 😉

(Including a game called hide the sausage... that's what Jim calls it... on a side note, why is my life so weird. 🙃 )

You might want to keep your lofty assumptions about me to yourself. My track record makes Jim look like a saint... there is a reason he is comfortable speaking to me about such things. Unlike some, I don't judge who he sleeps with men, woman or both at the same time. As long as he is happy and comfortable. 

I liked Jim for who he is as a person and feel very honoured to have gotten to know the man I have. He is one of very few people I would trust implicitly with my life. 

It is for Jim alone to determine who he likes and what he enjoys, not you, me, or anyone else. You presume I judge when I dont. I listen and have given him space to talk, I don't presume to know what he likes, but I can be honest about my feelings towards him and the stuff i like.... I never expected to be entertained as an option because I'm a woman. 

Jim has already slept with a women, enjoyed it, and freaked out about it because people judged him for not being 'gay enough'. It does come across as incredibly judgemental on your part, which is not what friends are supposed to do. 

I really don't care what he likes or who he likes it with... he also knows my history well enough to know that you don't... and it is honestly quite funny you assume I judge. (two of my exs became bottoms, I'm an old school sub, some confuse it for Domme)

Do not presume to know me.... because frankly you don't. 

....

For anyone wondering if Jim fucks Tom... i will still be here, be his friend and the offer still stands. Even if my opinion of Tom is now non existent.... 

I now know where that judgement came from in the phone call I received and frankly, Jim deserves better friends. 

I feel like I'm living in gay eastenders 

When you suggest trying some new things in the bedroom, your vanilla boyfriend looks very shy and goes for the same thing most guys think of .... the backdoor. 

There is so much fun to be had, is that the best they can come up with?

I stand there and innocently ask 'which way round' .... its a genuine question. 

I don't think he knew how to process that bit of information. 🤣

Anyway it takes a fair bit of patience... I don't think vanilla guys realise you can't just bash in the backdoor on a random Tuesday. 

I wonder if this is an expectation regarding porn. I don't watch any, so I wouldn't really know but... when trying to find someone like minded and let a vanilla guy know.. there instantly thinking of some kind of scene from a porn film. 

It doesn't work like that. You need to get to know someone's mind if you truly want to fuck with it in the best sort of way. 

I can't sleep, I'm in a particular mood... I blame my cycle..  because it's the week before and ladies we know what that means.... 

....

Discussing past endeavours had got her mind racing...  

Sometimes things simply start out with a kiss

Before you know it you have ...

A 5D loop leather collar, a hog tie, cane, clamps and on the 'to get' list, a spreader bar and metal ring to screw into the headboard. Because... why not

....

Imagine a woman bent over the back of a sofa, in vintage see-through lace, violet lingerie against pale skin (with the exception of a few marks ;). The lace bra has been pulled down slightly so her nipples are peeking out... of course with clamps on them, a small chain with beads at the end. They almost look burlesque. Suspenders and seamed garters are adorned but there is something missing.... her underwear, she's completely exposed. 

Her legs wide entrapped by a steel bar... she's not able to close them. Hands cuffed and tied to the front of the sofa, so she is face down, her hips on the back of the sofa and on her tip toes. 

Just left there ..  'I need to get my wine darling' 

Erm... 'excuse me?!  Walking over he placing a gag in her mouth, leans in and whispers 'Yes dear that can wait'... before giving her a kiss on the cheek. 

Tied up, unable to move ... while the smug git gets to look so pleased at his handy work. 

'Oh yes I did forget something' 

Hearing footsteps behind her... she dreading to think what's happening next... either way she isn't going to give in..  she's already mortified but stubborn as anything. 

A familiar hand finds the small of her back, he shifts his weight so she can feel his body against hers while his hand goes lower... she tenses up as he moves over her rear 

Leaning in he whispers 'shhh not that one, this time' and moves further down, 'remember you dont come until i say you can' then runs his finger around before placing a plug inside her. 

She ponders thank goodness I've got the gag in, I don't have the strength to answer back... although I do have some choice words. 

Leaning up he straightens himself up... picks up his glass and goes to put some music on... prehaps it's best the neighbours aren't disturbed. Taking a sip from his wine glass... he sits down. 

At that point she notices a remote control for the plug in his hand. Before any more embarrassment or dread can fill her mind... the absolute smug look on his face, he sips his wine and presses the controls, while she lets out a soft moan. 

'Oh darling, we just getting started, I need to get you decently wet before having my go' 

I'm slightly addicted to this song. Women are not my thing but damn it sounds hot.