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Rose's Thorns.

A general pondering.
2 months ago. Apr 25, 2020, 3:13 AM

It gets exhausting sometimes. But that's life i suppose. The only thing worth collecting is memories and just hope they are good ones. Over time even the good ones become painful. 

Im starting to think im much more masochistic and a self sadist than I ever thought possible.

Ever have a day thats completely unremarkable completely mundane and somehow draining and exhausting. 

 

Lying in bed wondering how long the quiet is going to last, when the storm will start for me or even if it will and hoping against hope people i no longer see are safe.

 

But here i am like most days. Making dinner for one. Doing some washing and typing. Coming home to an empty home. Somehow I still have a side of the bed with the other half empty. Lying here staring at the ceiling both wondering and knowing it will be the same tomorrow. Each and every night 

2 months ago. Apr 15, 2020, 5:25 PM

Im curious many consider them an expression of art but does anyone consider them a form of self branding... just being curious 

3 months ago. Apr 15, 2020, 10:41 AM

Hi peeps 

Im just lying in bed pondering if i should get up after messages from my mum that i never should have looked at. Feel really alone. Family sucks sometimes. Im glad i have this place. 

Rose 

3 months ago. Apr 14, 2020, 5:42 PM

Its not if or can I do it. Instead the question seems to be is the price to be paid for it too high. 

It is

But the price for not doing it is higher still. 

 

2am

3 months ago. Apr 14, 2020, 3:51 AM

Need sleep... stupid tablets kicked in. Feel drunk and tired but still can't sleep. Had to watch stupid secretary im wondering where my James Spader is. Idiots too busy with Maggie Gylahall, lucky gal. 

3 months ago. Apr 13, 2020, 4:07 PM

Craving input. As it screams get the cane the paddle anything...  meanwhile im sat at the computer trying to type without smacking my head against my desk (at home). Going to get a cuppa i thump the living shit out of my thighs. I feel about 10% better that was after the cane. Im still craving the input. Wish i could go boxing and punch the shit out of a boxing bag just to feel the ache but nope. That was yesterday.... thing it the cane and paddle on yourself isn't the same. Feel like i want to scream. All i want is to go boxing but nope. Odd isn't it i might need to revisit the concept of masochism. Lol. In the meantime i hope the thumps to my thighs are enough. 

3 months ago. Mar 27, 2020, 4:35 PM

Emotionally toxic manipulative little shit of a family fuck my life...... had to be now didn't in the middle of fucking global pandemic and trying to finish university. Fuck my life.... ive cut ties with my mum and am off to scream into a pillow 

 

Aaaaarrrrgggfhhhhhh 

 

4 months ago. Feb 21, 2020, 8:59 PM

A song by lana adapted to a film i saw

 

 

 

My pussy taste like Pepsi cola, 

My eyes are wide like cherry pies

I got sweet taste for men who're complecated, 

Its always been its no surprise.

 

Harley's in the sky with diamonds 

Shes making her joker crazy,

Cos all she wants to do is play with batsy baby.  

Come on batsy lets play, 

You can't escape from the birds of prey,

I know the joker and he wouldn't mind,

We made it into the dark side,

We made it into the dark side, 

We made it into the dark side, 

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on batsy. 

Whoa ya

 

I fall asleep in a purple suit jacket 

I wear my collar in vanilla land 

I pledge allegiance to my joker,

For teaching me everything he knows. 

 

Harley is in the sky with diamonds 

Shes making her joker crazy,

Cos all she wants to do is play with batsy baby.  

Yeah

 

Come on batsy lets play, 

You can't escape from the birds of prey,

I know the joker and he wouldn't mind,

We made it into the dark side,

We made it into the dark side, 

We made it into the dark side, 

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on batsy. 

 

Drug, suck it up, like villan bane does

Don't treat me really nice treat me rough-ish

Decorate my neck, me, im on decisis,

Why come on come on come on

Ooo ooo ooo ooh

Ooo ooo ooo ooh

Ooo ooo ooo ooh 

Grrrr

 

Come on baby lets play

You can't escape from the birds of prey

We made it into the dark side 

We made it into the dark side 

 

Come on come on batsy 

Come on come on batsy 

Whoa ah

 

My pussy taste like Pepsi cola

Ooh ah

My pussy taste like Pepsi cola 

Ooo ooo ooo ooh 

Ooo ooo ooo ooh 

My pussy taste like Pepsi cola 

Ooh woah yeah 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 months ago. Feb 14, 2020, 12:59 AM

Ever feel whats left of what you call a heart slowly disappear and turn to stone? 

Ive started to think there might be such a thing as caring too much... cos it fucking hurts... until it doesn't and it turns to stone. Its not something im aiming for or like in myself right now but i think everyone has there bullshit limit.. 

Oddly though im doing okay, not sure if I like this new part of myself as im becoming a little ruthless... or more precisely a pain in the side aka thorny lol

 

5 months ago. Feb 5, 2020, 4:17 AM

And i can't sleep. 

Its almost like im too tired to sleep