Ev's kink corner

Hello, fellow kinksters!

After a number of unfortunate revelations over the years, and careful consideration, I've decided I am going to have some firm, universal policies in place for ANY new partner.

Now, I don't mean a bit of nonsexual pick-up play at the Citadel, here. A wee spanking session or what-have-you. I'm not often down for that, but if we are going to have deep, involved play, especially someplace private, we're going to have some discussions, and we are going to exchange some information. If this isn't acceptible to you, that's cool. No harm, no foul- I wish you luck in finding a partner who is right for you. 

You might feel insulted by these rules. After all, *YOU* know what kind of person you are! But see... I don't yet. Even if I have known you for years, I might not, really. I've been bamboozled before, y'see, many a time. The only way to make it fair is to make these policies universal. Lots of people act offended because they ARE hiding something essential, and they try to guilt, bluster, bully, gaslight, and pressure their way out of revealing it. Maybe they have an STD. Maybe they have a wife at home. Maybe they are lying to a bunch of people about a bunch of things.

1. I'm gonna need to see some ID.

If I am going to trust you enough to blindfold me, tie me up, play with me, etc, etc, then I'm going to need more than your scene name. I'll show you my driver's license or passport if you'll show me yours! If we don't trust each other with our names, we probably shouldn't trust each other with deeply involved BDSM scenes or sex.

Yeah, I've actually had people lie to me about their entire identity. This way, barring fake IDs I guess, we both get to know the legal name of the other person. I'm not gonna do anything sinister with that.

2. I'm gonna need to see some current paperwork with your name on it and the dates of your STD testing if we are going to have sexual contact that has the risk of either of us contracting any diseases. We also need honest communication.

"I got tested baby, I'm clean!" Amazing how nobody in the scene ever has any STDs even though it's statistically impossible. Also amazing how many people don't realize what STDs are. Test results don't guarantee safety, but they do aid with risk assessment.

For example- have you ever had a cold sore? You have HSV1! This can be transferred to genitals, oh yes it can! This is an STD. This can shed asymptomatically. Chances are, most of us have been exposed. You will have to argue with your physician a bit to get the blood test for HSV, which will simply show if you have the antibodies or not. It may be that you have been exposed (you very very likely have) but have never had any symptoms. Maybe you also will never shed the virus, maybe it's not active in you and never has been. Then again, people can transfer it without having had symptoms. This is why you need to know, and need to be able to tell your partner- so they can assess the risk, and give informed consent. Lying about it or hiding it is super not cool. I bring this one up specifically because SO DAMNED MANY people don't realize that HSV1 can cause genital herpes sores. They will know they have HSV1, but they won't tell anybody. They will tell their partners they have no STDs when they have an STD. It's a betrayal of trust, though half the time it seems to come from complete ignorance. The CDC's website can give you plenty of information about it.

Do any of your partners have STDs? You might not have any symptoms yourself, so you feel you are safe- but don't make that decision for your other partners, or their partners! D I S C L O S E that shit. Make sure everyone can make informed decisions. Otherwise, you could fuck up someone's life without meaning to. You could seriously upset them.

Are you fluid bonded with anyone? Do you wear condoms, use gloves, dental dams, or not? With how many people? Yeah, we're gonna talk about that. Please be honest. I will.

3. If we are going to be in a relationship, I won't be your dirty little secret.

Cheating. I'm not about that.

A. Have a primary partner? Be honest about this. I will want to meet them. In person, or over video chat, at least, to verify that they do actually consent to you seeing me. They consent, but don't want to know who it is? Sorry, we aren't right for each other then. Maybe you are telling the truth, but I feel like you and your partner probably aren't really ready for the type of polyamory I practice if they cannot face the reality of it. Maybe you are like a number of partners I have had in the past, where I took their word for it but HEY GUESS WHAT? They were lying, and their partner didn't know about me or consent! That's cheating. It's complicated? Sorry about that, friend, I hope you and your partner work out the complications. You and I are not meant to be. I want to make sure people are giving informed consent, and that I am, too!

Plus, I've found that I feel a lot better about someone seeing my beloved once I've met them, and it is nice to feel respected. I've met many partners-of-partners who felt the same. Communication. It's pretty vital.

B. We are not gonna hide.

No, I don't need you to post "hey I fisted my wife AND my girlfriend" on your Great Aunt Maude's facebook page. But FFS, I'm really going to wonder if you won't ever go on a date with me, or go to a play party, munch, or kink event with me. Are you some powerful famous politician or some shit who must see me only in secret? Oh come on, no you're not, lawl. There is no need to us to hide from our own community if you are being on the level with me. Been there, done that, not gonna do it again, thanks. Kiss me at Wicked Grounds. Introduce me to some of your friends. I'll introduce you to some of mine. I won't be with anyone who is ashamed to be with me. I won't go through that shit again. I don't want any of my partners to feel like that, either. I'm not here to help someone cheat on anyone, and I'm not here to be someone's option that they can use when nothing they see as "better" is around. Nope! I will cherish you and be proud to be with you, and I will only do that if you feel the same.

C. It's totally fucking reasonable for us to know where the other lives, if we are involved, and be able to visit.

I can't ever come over at 7pm to watch a movie or have dinner? You can only meet me at a hotel during lunch time? Golly, I wonder why? Yeah, you're probably hiding something pretty big. If you don't trust me with knowing where you live, then our genitals probably shouldn't be commingling, either. I'm not saying I need your social security number and home address the first time we have coffee. In an actual relationship, or if we are regular play partners, even, we should be able to visit one another's homes.

Besides, making dinner together is fun! Also, visiting my place gives me motivation to clean it.

Let's be safe, and let's start out with a good, solid foundation of trust, respect, communication, and informed consent!

Hello everyone, 
It has been a while! Apologies.

Things are really great between Master and I. Ashigeru is absolutely wonderful. I couldn't ask for a better partner and mate. He takes such good care of me, and our scenes are fucking hot.

My Aussies and I are pining for one another, hard. It's a big part of why I don't do LDRs... and yet, I ended up in one. Heh.

Still, some day we might all live in the same area. Here's hoping!

I got my travel visa, and I have blocked out three weeks for Australia in September. I can't wait... and we've all been talking a lot about what we will do.

It should be a nice little test, too. How will we do, living on top of each other for three weeks? It can take about three years to really get to know a partner well, and that's with regular in-person interactions, so we have a long ways to go, but wow have we ever bonded. 

I want my pack all together already.

It's an ache.

A long ache, with little staccato flashes of memories. The look in his eyes. Her lashes fluttering. The feel of my hand inside her. The feel of him driving deep into me. All wrapped up together, panting, cuddling, sweat cooling. Realizing he was getting up to start again. Seeing how kind and open she was with my Master. Remembering how he worked to make sure I felt safe.

They are so far away. That's why I don't do this, this long distance stuff. It's a long, deep ache with unfulfilled desire.

They speak of moving here. We will see if it happens.

They're flying me out to stay with them for three weeks in September.

I hope

the reality of me

is enough

compared to

the ideal of me. 

The internet and a lot of industries will tell you that no one will want you because of your body shape, or your age or hairline or whatever. 

They are full of shit, though. 

I am one happy person today. You know, I'm fatter than ever, and I am older than I ever was before. Getting close to 40. But I'm getting fucked and loved by awesome good quality people more now than ever before. 

Don't give up hope. Amazing, wonderful things can happen. 

I'm walking bowlegged, haha. 

Between hot as fuck lovong sex with my beloved Master celebrating our anniversary, a hot as fuck loving threesome with my new pack, and some excellent pounding from my MMA fighter buddy, my joints are screaming but my heart is high. 

I have my leather family. Master and I are solid. My buddy and I have a good, easy friendship. My skittish partner is skittish so he will probably always be on the peripheral, but he knows we are family. The couple are going home to Australia but I'm going to visit them in September. That's the hardest part of all of this- they are so very far away, and I am gonna miss the hell out of them. 

But isn't that amazing and wonderful? I didn't have to "earn" love by shrinking my body. You don't have to put your life on hold because your body isn't physically "correct" according to society. Fuck that! Love! Enjoy! Go make yourselves walk bowlegged! A ton of hot sexy people who are themselves a wide range of body types are out there, waiting. 

Got my bedroom all ready, but they got their wires crossed and-
Didn't realize we were supposed to spend all day together.
Couldn't spend the night because no one would feed the cat at the place they were house sitting at.
Were experiencing bad sub drop/ dom drop, dread about going back home to Australia, and eh, I think something else was going on, too.

We went out for Thai, went to a local spot where you can see the whole bay area, and then they went home.

I don't think I quiiiite manage to hide the couple tears that slipped out. I didn't want to make them feel worse and drop harder. Felt like I was being way too fragile, but there you go. Spent two days building up to this and then bam.

But they told me that Master and I hadn't done anything wrong. They liked Master a lot (he was worried he'd screwed things up somehow, but he hadn't,) and they are really looking forward to the tea ceremony tomorrow, so there is that. 

I have to get myself together for that and not let the sadness creep into the tea. I also have to work a big job tomorrow, and I really ran myself into the ground the past two days, so I need to find the will somewhere to override the pain in my back and joints and get it done. 

I decided that I was going to cook that feast anyway. Master, my best friend, and I enjoyed some Chinese style roast duck, dry-cooked green beans with fermented chili paste, eggplant with black bean sauce, and marinated king oyster and portobello mushrooms in a ginger-garlic-soy sauce. 

Did make me feel a bit better. 

My bedroom is all torn up because I wanna make it play-ready. My bed isn't made yet and I don't know when they will be here. I'm in a bit of a panic and I'm forcing myself to sit down and relax for a moment. But all y'all, I AM feeling FIERCE today! Will let my hair down once I'm done cleaning. Wearing the tall boots for them, and my formal collar for Master. He is still asleep and doesn't know I've put it on- it hurts my neck to wear long-term, but I want him to see that I know I'm his first and foremost. It shouldn't hurt to wear for a day, and we'll take it off this evening before I get to playing, most likely. 

I have two roast ducks waiting to be cooked, and a bunch of veggies to prepare and cook in duck fat. I am going to put my dragon blanket on my bed, make sure the lube is easy to access, and that toys are organized and easy to find.

I have no idea what will happen. Negotiation, of course. We might not even play, as one of them isn't feeling well... but if we do, well! Last time was awesome. The absolute BEST would be if they are attracted to Master, and he is attracted to them, and all 4 of us play without anything going too too wrong. Master is amazing and hot and DAMN can he fuck like nobody else. These two are sizzling hot too, and today I am amazed and bewildered that so many people seem to really be attracted to me, but you know what?

I don't know how long I have to live, and I'm going to fucking roll with it and enjoy the hell out of what I have left, however long that may be. 

As my tea Sensei says, my particular faith, Asatru (NOT the racist kind) can be summed up thusly:

"We're all gonna die. Let's party!"

3:45am and I hit that wall hard. Didn't finish getting everything all ready, but I did get almost everything done. Master helped once he got home at 1:30am. 

Buhhhh.

No idea when they are showing up today!

These are some rare old ones. Most have the ugly yellow stitches that you have to black out with a sharpie. Unless you like yellow stitches, not judging here, heh!
I traded them with a friend, because I had a pair of steel toe boots that were too tight.
This is the pair I wore yesterday for that couple I've started seeing. Got some better conditioner, and am going to treat them again today. I did feel sexy wearing them. Might've walked extra provocatively in front of them whislt they smoked (I can't be near the smoke) until the dom ran up on me trying to swat my ass. I dodged, then wasn't sure why I dodged, lol. Martial arts training sets in hard, as I doded, spun, and went into a fighting stance. 
So he watched me as I walked, and noted that I always looked over my left shoulder, and never my right. He waited until I was in a more crowded, noisy area, snuck up quietly on my right side, and swatted my ass.
"Always study your prey and learn it's movements," he said. Hah.
So yeah. Liking the boots. Extra stompy and tall. 

Last night I learned about bootblacking. 
Met up with the couple in SF, and at the end of the evening we were back in Wicked Grounds. 
He had me polish his boots, and then he had me ride his knee, grinding myself on him right there in the middle of the cafe.
I was bright red but gods, it was hot. 
Have to make sure the cafe earns it's 18+ rating!
They had to leave, and the kind baristas let me hang out after closing until I was sure I was back down to earth from subspace.

I went home, and oh, I missed Master so much! He's working a bunch of 12 hour shifts. It's hard, because he doesn't get home until close to 2am. I don't have work until the evening today, though, so I stayed up and waited for him.

We laid in bed together and talked about boot fantasies. I'd told him some of mine before, and he thought they were hot and eventually started having those fantasies, too. He ground his knee into me as we talked about it, and then rolled me on my back and started fingering me.

Gods it felt so good.

By the time he decided to take me, fucking the hell out of me as only he can, I was cumming and cumming and cumming. I screamed and shrieked and looked into his intense, gorgeous eyes. Holy fuck, that man never ceases to amaze me. We fit together so perfectly.

I love him so damned much.

My poor pussy is so sore, but writing all of this has got me turned on again. Sucks that Master has to run off to work...

On Wednesday, the couple meets Master for the first time, and then they are spending the night. 

It's realy hard, staying up so late when I work a lot of mornings, but I want Master to take me again. Might have to collapse tonight, though. Two doms and a really hot sub who loves to egg things on, and me, tomorrow. 

I'm so fucked.

In the best of ways. 

Sometimes, life is good. Very good. 

It started with a visit to go hiking in the redwoods and take some photos. 

"Pack some toys, just in case the mood strikes."

A day and a half later, and I'm home. I keep thinking of this or that moment, and it takes my breath away.

What a beautiful weekend. What an amazing time. So much bonding, healing. So many orgasms. So much trust. I won't go into a ton of details, out of respect for them and their privacy. But oh... oh my gods...

On Wednesday they meet Ashigeru. Oh gods, please let them all get along! Please! 

I could even dare to dream of chasing a herd of unicorns and hope for a foursome, hah.

But it isn't just about sex and hot scenes. It's about bonding, connection. It's about finding pack. It's about feeling that I could, actually, really, have that leather family I've always wished for. 

If only they weren't on the other side of the planet. Fuck. Or maybe "FAHWK" as they would say. 

He's given me orders to polish my boots. The things he whispered in my ear as he bent me over the trunk of my car, right there in the zoo parking lot... he didn't do anything inappropriate really, nothing lewd. But the things he said as he pressed himself against me. Gods. 

I want my pack. I want my Master feeling safe and secure and happy with a family of good lifestyle people. I want my porch-cat beastie to learn to trust and come in from the rain when he can stand it, knowing there is a warm home that will always welcome him, a safe place. I want my submissive friend to have a place to come and let go from time to time, where he can feel cared for and be his punk-ass playful bratty self. I want my dying partner to be surrounded by warmth and love and care from us all, but I know that part will never happen.

But really, really, I want my Master and I want this thing that is growing with this dom-sub couple from the other side of the world.

She, the sub, has said she will fly me there, when I can get the time off work, to stay with them. He says they'll have the dungeon ready. I am absolutely floored. They would do this thing! They would fly me to them! 

A wise friend of mine said, "don't break your eggs before they hatch." 

And so, I am doing my best to not flinch and brace myself and build walls because I know they are leaving to go home and I know they won't be able to physically touch me, to curl up in a pile together, link arms with me, stroke me, let me taste and groom them. I know it's coming. They will leave. They will be half a world away from me. Literally. 8,000 miles away. 

But life is pain. Joy ultimately comes with loss, too. There is suffering, but without living, you never get those highs, either, and then what reason do you have to live?

I know I'm foolish for breaking my personal policy. No long distance relationships. They lead to frustration and heartbreak.

But sometimes, even if you know it'll hurt in the end, you have to roll with life. You have to live. You have to reach out and grow and be in the moment. 

For now, I finally got the fuck-knots out of my hair.

He said to me, "well, you can brush it out, but you know I'm just going to knot it all up again." 

I hope they love Ashigeru. I hope he loves them.

But if they like and respect one another, that will still be enough. A 4-way bond is almost unheard of. Sure, it can happen, but so VERY rarely. It would be amazing and magical and the best. But if they are okay with each other, it'll do. 

Time to sleep. I've work to do, tomorrow. And then I've a pair of tall black leather boots to put on. 

We're going to go corrupt Haight Street.