Finding the true me

I am but a plaything.  Just a disassembled toy. I am but a play thing for this wild, rambunctious boy. 

He picks me up and plays with me, when he's bored or blue. Then puts me in the corner and looks for something new. 

I am but a plaything in his eyes too, it seems. For he is mine and I am his. But only in MY dreams. 

"What's wrong with me?" I ask, "How could you want more?" He engages my body and mind just to leave me there.... A crying mess.. in a crumpled heap upon the floor. 

I am but a plaything. I guess I've lost my shine. I am but a plaything who has somehow passed her prime. 

"I'd do anything for you." I tell my wild boy, "If you would just care for me. Not treat me like a toy.". 

"You are but a plaything.",  he whispers, as he scoops me off the floor. "You used to be my favorite, but I wanted something more". 

"I still keep you here...at arms length, because you fill my every need." Some would say he does this out of selfish greed.

"If you have something new, why not let me go?"  "Because you come every time I call and your pain... It intoxicates my soul." 

"If I am but your plaything, why should I exist?".. "It's unfair to make me long for your touch...a gentle kiss."

"You are but a plaything. You knew this from the start. Now, nevermind these strings as I clip them from your heart."

I am but a plaything. What's my true purpose for? I fear I'll always be but a plaything... Nothing less. Nothing more. 

Morning is peeping through the blinds, but I'm already awake. I've been awake, and lying here, silently watching him sleep. This man, my Sir, is lost somewhere in his dreams. 

He's a little restless, so I drape my arm across him, softly kiss his shoulder & his neck. I snuggle close to calm him & love the feel of his warm, bare skin against my breasts. 

His body goes still and he seems at peace. Hopefully, he's back to being lost in his dreams. 

I want to wake him, take him as he took me. But, this man seldom rests. So I just let him sleep. 

I make my way downstairs for coffee & a bite to eat. It's been so long since he's had someone who cares. So breakfast in bed, it shall be. 

Nothing fancy. There's an omelette and blackberries with sugar & cream. Something he loved when he spent time with his Granny, it seems. 

I head back upstairs carefully balancing the cutting board I turned into a makeshift tray. I reach the bedroom door and stand there, watching him sleep, not knowing quite what to say. 

I kneel next to the bed & softly kiss his cheek. His eyes slowly open & it was a warm smile I received. 

"Good morning, Sir" I whisper as I placed the tray on his lap. He looks in disbelief & gives a small laugh. 

"Mon Cher", he asks, "What did you do?". 

"Good morning, my Sir. Welcome to day two."

It's 5 a.m.. 5.a. m., on a Saturday. I'm up. Not because I have to be, or want to be, for that matter. No, I'm up because my dogs decided they needed out at 4:45. I love them but damn.

I had enough trouble sleeping last night. I tossed & turned, was up & down, and this brain..... It just would NOT shut down.  No matter what I did. No matter how tired my body was.. this brain..this brain wasn't done with the day. "You need to do this. You shouldn't have said that. Did you do this? Why did you do that? You should change your hair. Keep loosing the weight....you're doing good with that. You're trying too hard. You're not trying hard enough". On & on & on.... Internally screaming, begging it to give me some relief so I can rest. 

The last time I remember looking at the clock was at 2:08 a.m. Finally, peace. I remember slipping into that bliss. The quiet, the stillness & it was welcomed. My dreams were full of good things, reassuring, & calming, even. I needed that. 

Almost 3 hours later, I'm up. Way to soon. I needed to stay lost in those dreams just a little longer. But, alas, dogs are impatient. 

So, here I sit, on my deck, with a great cup of coffee, listening to the frogs & waiting on sunrise. This early Saturday morning. 

Waking up to a "Good morning" text can & usually does, make a world of difference in my day.  Not just any good morning though. You know, the one.. the one that you see BEFORE you ever get out of bed...that one. The "Good morning" that makes me feel important. Like I was there, in the back of his mind and he needed me to know. The kind that you know he took a few extra minutes from his crazy, busy morning to make sure it was there, waiting when you open your eyes. Those two little words I find will bring a smile to my face Every. Single. Time.  I face the day with a different attitude & a different outlook. Something so simple can be so encouraging. And it's nice. It's nice in the fact that I know I was thought of & told so. It wasn't something simply reciprocated because I told them first. Even though that seems like the smallest of things, it has the biggest impact and it's perfect. 

"Come with me." he said, as he lead me up the stairs.                                                                        Knowing I was nervous.                                          And just a little scared.                                            "Do you trust me?" he asked,                                  as he opened the door.                                            "Yes." I nodded, as I saw the "tool" lined walls.    Recognizing some, but not knowing what others were for.                                                         Stood there a little ashamed....embarrassed.    But enamored by it all.                                            

"You will address me as Sir" he whispered in my ear.                                                                        As he removed my dress                                        and with it, my fear.                                                  "I will show you how most of these feel.".            "What they are for.".                                                  "I will give you what I think you can handle.".       "But, for today, nothing more.".                              I stood there, eyes closed.                                      Exposed and bare,                                                    As his firm but gentle hand,.                                   Caressed my shoulder; pulled my hair.                I trusted this Dom with my body....mind.....          All that I am.                                                              "Breathe.", he said, as he slipped leather cuffs up to my wrists...                                                      Over my hands.                                                         He stood behind me, giving one strike...             Then two...                                                                The crop, I liked...                                                     This feeling anew.     

I stood there shivering.                                            Not like at the start.                                                 No, I shivered from elation,                                    and was proud to wear his marks. 

He moved me to a chair,.                                        Hands secured behind.                                           I really couldn't move,.                                            But, that I didn't mind                                               He brought out the "wand".                                    I had nowhere to run.                                               He intended to use it,.                                             Until HE was done. 

The vibrations ran through every fiber              of my being.                                                              He knew just what to do.                                      to make me moan, cry out                                      almost scream.

"Cum for me." he said                                              as I cried out  and soaked his chair.                      "Ride it out!", he demanded. "Cum again, Mon Cher."

A reverberant, sweet release,                                 and I had nothing more.                                         The chair was wet, the knee of his black pants, and the floor.

He uncuffed my hands,.                                          I collapsed against his chest,.                                Unable to move,.                                                       I just needed rest. 

He gave me cold water and I jokingly asked.      "What have you done?"                                            He stroked my hair and said, 

"Mon Cher, so ends day one."