It's 5 a.m.. 5.a. m., on a Saturday. I'm up. Not because I have to be, or want to be, for that matter. No, I'm up because my dogs decided they needed out at 4:45. I love them but damn.
I had enough trouble sleeping last night. I tossed & turned, was up & down, and this brain..... It just would NOT shut down. No matter what I did. No matter how tired my body was.. this brain..this brain wasn't done with the day. "You need to do this. You shouldn't have said that. Did you do this? Why did you do that? You should change your hair. Keep loosing the weight....you're doing good with that. You're trying too hard. You're not trying hard enough". On & on & on.... Internally screaming, begging it to give me some relief so I can rest.
The last time I remember looking at the clock was at 2:08 a.m. Finally, peace. I remember slipping into that bliss. The quiet, the stillness & it was welcomed. My dreams were full of good things, reassuring, & calming, even. I needed that.
Almost 3 hours later, I'm up. Way to soon. I needed to stay lost in those dreams just a little longer. But, alas, dogs are impatient.
So, here I sit, on my deck, with a great cup of coffee, listening to the frogs & waiting on sunrise. This early Saturday morning.
