It's all about the sex. That's what they say. We are just greedy, and onr partner isnt enough. That's what they say. But if it is, then my friend, you are not polyamorous.
This weekend started by having a lovely, romantic evening with my wife. She supported me by letting me pack for my trip to Chicago privately while she cooked up some chicken wings for my work potluck. We spent some time together, playing with the kittens and talking with our grown kids before a night of lovemaking, oir tradition just before a weekend away from each other. She would pack her bag the next afternoon before joining her partner as well.
My girlfriend and I have been together for a year now. Three months ago she got a tragic phone call from home that her mother was near the end, and she flew home to Chicago to be with her and to care for her aging father. She was sure she would be back in a few weeks. And, just like that, I found myself in a long distance relationship.
A few weeks later I would fly to her home town to support her at her mothers memorial service, meet her friends and family and grow very attached to them all. I helped her shop for proper clothes for her father and helped him dress and tied his tie. I would take him to the barber and make him breakfast. I would meet her relatives from overseas and smile and laugh politely as they told stories of their lives - in French and German, neither of which I speak.
I would hold her as she cried and missed her mother. She would call me from the supermarket once I returned home, crying, holding a dessert that het mother loved to eat.
On weekends when my wife gets to spend time with her partner, a good and decent man that I can call friend, my partner and I would learn the value of FaceTime. We learned to communicate better and honestly. We became comfortable sharing our joys and pains and frustrations without ever placing blame or allowing guilt to harbor.
We agreed to see each other every few weeks, sometimes she would join me back in NY, sometimes I would fly to see her. She met my sister and nephew, I attended her niece's choir and swing dance recital. We went pumpkin picking, watched Netflix, and went for walks. We attended a polyamory conference with my wife and her partner as well (a story for another day).
When it became apparant that she would remain in Chicago for the foreseeable future, we mourned but immediately began to launch plans to continue what we have as economically as possible. We cut corners, minimizing eating out and doing eleaborate dates in exchange for plane tickets. I cook for her at home and she washes the dishes. We cuddle as we watch whatever she picks on TV.
Long distance was not what I signed on for. But I did sign on for her. And if she needs to be in Chicago, then I am a long distance boyfriend now.
I regularly attend BDSM and swing clubs with my wife, with my partner or sometimes just with friends. I have ample opportunity to partake if in fact I was "all about sex." I choose not to. Our little polycule has chosen not to in order to honor and keep each other safe.
I am landing at home now and off to reunite with my wife and family. She and I will share the adventures we have had, make new ones with each other and look forward to the next time we get to see our partners again. I'll see my girlfriend at the end of next week where she will meet the rest of my family (sadly still incognito). We continue to grow with each other and into the greater part of each others lives.
All about sex... Please. Poly is about love and living life in a broader view, free from the limitations society has subjected itself to for centuries. And when it works, it works exceedingly well and is very beautiful. We learn to be more loving, more selfless, more communicative and more honest. Poly is for lovers - the ones willing to do the hard work, not just for for the greater joys but also the realities of life.
