Pieces of me...

I don't think im going to do this anymore. Ima hang up my submissive and put on a vanilla costume. In the past 10 years I have not found a single dom that I "fit" with. Other then my 1st dom who came back just to crush me again. There was one that seemed so promising but he easily dumped me in the gutter, alone and forgotten. 

So yeah, I dont think ill be trying on any more glass slippers. I got a fuckin callus from all that bullshit. 

I'm happy with me, for the first time in a long time. Although it pains me not to serve... being over looked and made to dumb myself down brings just as much pain. 

🖤 former submissive, Rizzo

You came back. I took the bait. 

Now you've gone silent. Shutting me out... (do hope youre ok) Third time is usually the charm, but I see I'm a fool. For rushing back into you. Good thing my stable wasn't fully released. Ride them and put them away wet. No animals in the house boys... line up 

How do you know when things are destined to be? 

Do you need to lose it over and over before you realize not to let go this time?

Can you tell it belongs to you when its like they never left?

How you can feel a connection stronger than before...

Or it is all a dream and I'm going to wake up longing and aching from thirst?

My heart is shut down. Feelings factory is slated for demo. 

Like in the relationship department.  I feel it. Like I said it before but now I truly feel the light has burned out in the place of my heart. 

I'm pretty ok with it. 

Still being caring and compassionate,  I just hope men I have dealings with heed the warning. I don't wanna hurt anyone's heart.

I'm still kind.

FIRE IN THE HOLE!

I have a set of brothers in my stable. 

They know about each other. 

Constantly trying to out do each other....

I WIN.

the question was posed... "are you going to fuck em both at the same time?"

No answer at the moment. Lol

Scorched earth my friends.

Taking no prisoners. Hearts will be broken... but not mine.

I've decided to compartmentalize my submission, my need to serve. To focus on my life and making it better while I fulfill my carnal needs, but not be involved in a dynamic or relationship.

HO-PHASE with a twist. I'm rebuilding my stable. Have four or five men at the ready... ready to lay it down and not get attached.

Yous a hoooooooooooo.

I have been out of my ADHD meds for.a lil.over two weeks... what a dumpster fire.

I fell behind in school and dropped to a "B". 

Just having got my meds today, I really notice the difference. Clear mind, untangled thoughts. Ahhhhhhh...

Had a tiff at work with a nurse and managed to stay calm long enough to walk away... I know what I'm capable of and I'm just thankful I walked away. It's been along time since I wanted to harm someone physically. Feel better today, but violence is always a coin flip away. 

Thank God for medication.

Although it is not confirmed... I believe I am going to be taking on a male pet/toy/sub... he is extremely eager and while I may be able to dom[me], I feel i might benefit from a mentor... so that my pet is properly taken care of, suiting his needs best. It is not going to be a full on D/s dynamic. He IS a sub but I will only keep him as a pet/toy...

Thoughts?

I'm looking for a wolf... not any ordinary wolf. My wolf, whom I am bound to.

To savagely devour me over and over...

ULFHEDNAR 

Hunt me quiet and close.

The blood lust in your eyes is intoxicating. 

Mark me as yours... drink from my cup.

Together for lifetimes on end.

I'm waiting for you to find me, I dream of you prowling. Watching, taking care over me. Keeping what's yours safe. 

It's been a bit...

I feel myself moving away from the lifestyle. Immersing myself in survival. The new apartment, school, work... There's a small pit in my stomach filled with missing you. 

The ghosts farther now, but still lingering. 

What I don't miss is the fighting and lack of understanding.  The struggle I had just trying to love and serve you. The suffering.

Can this be it? Is this my happy?  It's not so bad. Think I'll stay here for a while. 

Bitter sweet...