Musings of Dan and dawn of the Erotic Awakening Podcast

Most of our products are on sale today if you buy from our website :)   www.eroticawakening.com

And 2 of our digital books will be on sale on amazon on monday for Cyber Monday!!! 

Dan and I just can't not present/teach......so once Covid hit we went to the zoom platform and are teaching classes that we host.....and we have been teaching for other groups online. 

Next week, November 30th....we'll be teaching for Wicked Grounds....woot! Teaching online lets us teach for groups we've been wanting to present for for years and haven't been able to travel to. Loving it! 

Dan and I will be teaching at the Carolina Coast Fetish Fair next weekend in Myrtle Beach, SC!!!! 

This is our first in-person event in the last couple of years and we are looking forward to it. Woot! 

The link to purchase tickets is:

coastal-carolina-fetish-fair-2021.ticketleap.com/coastal-carolina-fetish-fair-2021/

The password is: ccff2021

Hope to see you there! 

~dawn

Well, ok, the title of this post is a lie. 

When we were both gainfully employed, we shared the housework. I handled the cat litter, dawn does the grocery shopping, and we took turns cooking.

When I was unemployed, I increased my share of the housework accordingly.

As of this writing, dawn is unemployed and does all the housework.

Not every M/s couple structures their lives this way, but this way is our choice. Our first preference would be for me to work and dawn to stay home cooking, cleaning, and tending to my whims. But because I like having the economic freedom that comes from both of us having paid employment, I choose that dawn work outside the home. When she is not employed, though, there is no question as to who has responsibility for the housework. And if things change such that I am no longer employed, then I will put on an apron and do my share; you can call me “Mr. Mom” (or Master Mom, as the case may be!). This division of household labor has nothing to do with us having a valid power exchange relationship; it has everything to do with us having a thriving relationship. But, to be honest, housework chores are but one aspect of dawn’s duties—she is also involved in taking care of the long, ever-expanding list of things we do, like scheduling our time, booking events, packing, taming our crazy calendar. My slave tends to, and is good at, these duties. She can be coy, or she can bite (in a kind fashion) as need be.

You may be thinking: “This is just normal relationship stuff, right?” Well, normal, healthy relationship stuff. This is the background. This is the foundation upon which we build our power exchange, a relationship of mutual respect. We understand that, although we may prefer that I didn’t have to work and could laze around while my slave pampers me and feeds me grapes, and the cat uses the toilet and flushes after himself, thank-you-very-much, our real world is not like that. And living M/s requires that we live in the real world, with our M/s lifestyle defining how we live in that world, as part of that world. 

Dan

This is the beginning of my chapter in our new Power Exchange book....being a survivor in a power exchange relationship.....after this beginning, I will have all the notes from my survivor class fleshed out and added.....can't wait to get it written!

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A lot of people ask me what it’s like to be a survivor in a power exchange relationship. I’m not going to lie, it’s challenging. I came into this relationship with so much childhood trauma baggage that it definitely caused issues at first. I had a shadow self that was locked up deep down and she was running the show without me even knowing it.

I was lucky in finding a Master that had recovery experience and knew the power of shining a light on the shadow so that it can’t hide. He wanted to be in charge of me instead of allowing the shadow to be in charge of my actions.

This isn’t always simple but needs to be recognized. Dan knew the importance of therapy and guided me in that direction so that I could get the help I needed with that past baggage. The Universe was looking out for me when they put Susan, my therapist on and off for 10 years, on my path. With her and Dan’s help, not only did I become a survivor but they helped me work towards becoming a thriver.

That’s how I describe myself now after so many years. I’m a thriver. I don’t let the shadow rule me. When my actions aren’t what Dan expects of me, or what I expect of me, I start using my tools that allows me to get in touch with the shadow, or the stories I’m telling myself. What is going on? What work still needs to be done?

Am I feeling rejected by someone or something? Am I feeling judged? The judged part doesn’t bother as much as it used to, but even with all the work I’ve done, the fear of rejection can sometimes raise its ugly head.

What is rejection to me? Well, it’s not the same as abandonment. Abandonment is about someone who decides to leave. I feel like it’s their decision and has to do with something about them. But, rejection…..that’s more personal. Rejection is about the person judging me as unworthy and then deciding to leave. Or my work being judged as unworthy. Or my contribution to the community or my service to someone being judged as unworthy or not-good-enough. That digs under the skin and sometimes I’ll react before knowing what I’m reacting to. Sometimes that interferes with our power exchange without me even realizing it. I am more aware of my reactions and body feelings so it’s hard for feelings of rejection to sneak up on me anymore. But, I will admit, even after 20 years of doing this self work, it can still sneak up on me.

Let me share the tools with you that I've learned over the last 20 years on my healing path and power exchange journey......

We just got a request to review a textbook writing on Relationship Anarchy and had to turn them down. Basically, we know what Relationship Anarchy is, but it's not how we do polyamory.

As a matter of fact, we'll be writing a class soon on 'Team Polyamory'. I'm not sure what the title will be just yet, but it's about how those in the polycule can work as team members. As a team, we help each other out. We use our strengths for the benefit of not only ourselves but the poly group. Where we have weaknesses, we figure out who has the strength to fill in the spot.

There are individual couples within our polycule as well. They work as teams inside the larger team. Dan and I are married. We work as a team. K and N are married, they work as a team. When Dan was dating KH, they were a team and the 3 of us were a team, inside the bigger team of around 10.

That doesn't mean each individual can't be an individual as well, but most of the time we look at how our decisions effect everyone in the group.

For example, Dan and I as a team, decided to become full-time RVers. With this decision we knew that it would effect others in our polycule (of course) so as a team of 2 we supported each other and our metas during the move. N supported his partner K during the transition and all of us supported each other.

Last weekend, N and his girlfriend C wanted to go on a weekend trip. So, they decided on South Carolina where Dan and I are parked for a couple of weeks. By coming to South Carolina, they also brought K so she could spend the weekend with Dan. I stayed at the RV with the dog, because my boyfriend is currently in the far MidWest with his wife in their RV. He made sure to keep in touch with me, knowing I was going to be alone.

We worked as a team to make the weekend a positive experience for everyone.

Though, I do like to mention that this isn't always possible or even what everyone wants. Even for me, when one of my partners starts dating someone that I don't click with, it's hard to think about team poly and sometimes doesn't happen. I back off and let them have their experience and I go have mine. Or sometimes someone comes in and they don't want to be part of the team. That's ok too.

But, when it all clicks and everyone is able to pull together like that, it's pretty special.

Over the past twenty years that we have been involved in power exchange, we have used a variety of terminology. Language, like life, changes.
Here is the language we currently use within our tribe:

Belum (benevolent leader)- leads a power exchange relationship, including responsible for the actions and words of those that follow. There is no title + name format. Instead, the formal term for those in service to use is simply Belum. If part of a name, it is positioned after the name (such as Daniel Belum). Sir is acceptable for simpler or more intimate situations. There is no suggestion of any title of any sort being required unless you are a follower of Belum.

belet (beloved servant, right hand of Belum) - follows Belum in a power exchange relationship. This term is a title (such as belet dawn) and is also hierarchical; there would never be more than one belet within the domain of a Belum. It is an earned title, never granted lighty, and bears the responsibility of not only the servant of Belum but also a reflection of the relationship itself. No limitations; thus, service is administrative, sexual, and an active extension of Belum’s leadership, and anything else desired by Belum.

kame (beloved servant)- follows Belum in a power exchange relationship. This term is a title. kame is an earned title, never granted lightly, and bears the responsibility of not only the servant of Belum but also a reflection of the relationship itself. Service may include all aspects of service or only some.

kojon (servant)- follows Belum in a power exchange relationship. This term is a title (such as kojon grayson). kojon is a lighter responsibility - in service when present but a free agent in many life situations, but is still a reflection of the tribe.

factotum (servant,craftsman, jack of trades) - follows Belum in a power exchange relationship. This term is a title (such as factorum grayson). factorum will have more specific responsibilities for services such as repair work or maintenance work (these are sometimes described as "side work", "odd jobs" or "fix-up tasks"). The exchange with a factotum is more clear in specifics - in return for the service, the factotum has a specific return they expect from the Belum (such as power exchange education, support in a specific aspect of their life, or play).

Companion (non-hierarchical partner) - a space for those in our lives for those that are important to us but don’t have a specific or assigned role.

IIf this sounds like a group you'd be interested in, let me know and I'll send you the link. The next meeting is Thursday, November 18th at 7pm EST)

I've been running OWAL for a few years now. I created it after more than a year of thought and reflection and we started meeting in person at The Columbus Space. Then, we closed the Space after covid hit and have been meeting monthly on zoom since then.

Why the year of reflection? Well, I felt a support group for older women in the kink community was needed. I certainly needed it. Our bodies are changing as we get older. Our expectations are changing. Most of us have figured out what we need at this point, but it's hard to find. We see all the younger people coming into the community and everyone's focus swiveling as we are left standing like wall flowers. .......but I also didn't want to embrace the word 'old'. I was afraid that once I embraced that word, I'd start to feel old. That was not my goal.

I wanted to create something that would instead empower women. It would be about discussing things that we didn't have anywhere else to discuss....in an environment that was safe and open. It's not like we can talk about these topics during a loud dungeon party, and who would want to?

Anyway.....I finally decided to just jump in. And since then, a couple more OWAL groups have started up after the leaders talked to me about using the name.

I love this group and hope it continues to keep running strong. I get fed by this group of lovely older women. Some have been coming since the beginning, and monthly I get to meet new people as well.

So, if you are an older woman (50+ though I don't card at the door) and would like to join us, we meet on zoom most 3rd Thursdays of the month. I have events created under my name with zoom links.

Because this is women only and we are talking about vulnerable topics, video is required.

Group description: 

If you are an older woman in an alternative lifestyles....come join us for a chat.

If you are a woman around 50 or older (not restricting age and will let you self identify if you think you fit in this category and will benefit from these discussions)....come join us at the next OWAL meeting.

Our modern society places a lot of emphasis on outer beauty, youth, material contribution and success in the world, and often discounts the unfathomable gifts that women over 50 possess and give. Ironically, women over 50 often discount themselves as they get older. They discount themselves because they think that age will affect their ability to have the life they want.

Join us in a circle of women that want to help each other as we age in alternative lifestyles. Unlike many of our counterparts, most of us are still determined to live active, sexual, fun lives. Let’s transform those ageist beliefs that don’t serve us anymore (e.g. you’re not attractive enough, you’re too old to start a new career or start a new relationship, you’re too old to make fun a priority, etc)

Let’s gather in a safe space where we can share our fears and triumphs in getting older with these changing bodies, and empower each other on our journeys through the passage of time. Let’s become confident ambassadors of our own lives with the help of those that have gone through the same issues, or will be going through them in the near future.

*This group is intended for those that identify as women.

*There is no age restriction but the group dynamic is focused on those of us that are 50 and over.

We will be open to discussing all subjects around aging and alternative lifestyles: kinky, power exchange, swinging, poly, etc.

Looks like we'll be teaching there in a couple weeks!

Sensual Spanking 

and 

Polyamory, Power Exchange and Potential

And we'll have our Kink Starter cards and books with us! 

Myrtle Beach, SC here we come! 

So on the podcast tonight, Dan asked me if I liked public sex. As an exhibitionist, I’d have to say yes. But, with boundaries. I also have a fear of getting caught, which can be hot sounding but I don’t want to actually get caught, Don’t need an arrest on my record. And I also don’t want to offend people. That’s odd, but I really don’t.

That’s why I love being fucked in dungeons. It’s allowed in a lot of dungeons, but not too many people actually have sex during their bdsm scenes. It’s hot. Even at a swing club, I don’t pick anyone up there. I bring someone with me - my husband/Master or my boyfriend. I like to be watched.

My boyfriend before the current one knew this from listening to the podcast. He would take me to the woods, parks after school had started so there wouldn’t be any kids there. Hocking Hills during the day, Fucked against trees, on picnic tables, in the back of his minivan, next to railroads. He was very creative. He couldn’t spank me because it would make him giggle, but he was all about fulfilling my fantasy of public sex/outdoor sex.

Dated someone else for a quick second that knew I liked outdoor sex. He lived next to a quarry with a little strip of woods between his house and the quarry. He had eye hooks in the trees. I was able to be naked, knowing no one would be able to sneak up on us. Naked, in the woods. Being tied to a tree, spanked and fucked. I couldn’t be loud because someone could hear. He took advantage of that, making me be quiet as part of the scene. How fucking hot.

So, is it being fucked in public?….in the woods?…..outside? ...in front of others? …..yes, yes, yes and yes…..all of the above...

Edit - we talk about this more on the Podcast - www.eroticawakening.com