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The COLD HARD TRUTH

Ok lets see where to begin .Ok lets start this way i have stsge 4 non small cell lung cancer i also have adrenal cancer i have becam incontinent yes it does suck judge away .now the fun part there are so many people on here that seem to think they know it all with no regars to anyone well how about you pull the beam from you own damned eye before you pull the thorn from someone else's yes i took my other blog down no it was not that they won but i have enough going on with out the goddam drama from here so like me hate me i dont really care im here to stay i have freinds that are here and i will not turn my back on them nor ignore them so guess what i doughnot care.!
3 days ago. Mon 09 Dec 2019 07:40:47 PM IST

Have you ever woke up in a great mood and someone says something stupid and it throws your whole day bad .i got up feeling great no pain for once .anyway went to my kitchen sit diwn and my dad comes in and asks if ive seen his wallet i told him who lives with me at my house no well then he proceeds to say then someone stole it instant piss off i told him my kids are not theifs and he probably left it in his jacket or under his bed i drank my coffee smoke a few cigs brought my son to a dr appointment and have been in a lousy mood since .i guess the pint im trying to make is just because you cant see it does not mean its not there look harder or try miving things or a diffrent angle

1 week ago. Wed 04 Dec 2019 02:48:57 AM IST

I prefer diffrent types depending on my mood .but heard a song to day and the only person i thought of was my 11 month old grandson .

 

That boy has papa wrapped around his finger lol but thats tye fun part i spoil and can  send him home all hyped up on sugar .his first taste of thanksgiving was lemon maraing pie with papa i get tickled by him he gets all excited when he sees me 

3 weeks ago. Tue 19 Nov 2019 06:07:34 PM IST

Im so tired of so much being alone being sick then i find out my x may have cancer and my mother has it as well my dad ect i wish i could snap my fingers and all the cancer in the world would disapear for ever .ive gone through chemo all the hoops and after all this time how do you tell someone your sorry they go through it .ive had people say they was sorry to hear it ect and its not that im not greatful for it but its like really im always hurting not much releavs the pain the hurt emotiinally you look at others and its like why me you reach a spot and realize it was not about you its about making you stronger yeah i still get depressed but who doesnt the thung is as bad as i feel i take what i can do and enjoy what i can life is a hiway ups downs twist turns detours ect just dont take it for granted 

1 month ago. Fri 08 Nov 2019 04:58:18 PM IST

I wish i could cure all the diseases out in this world cancer sugar heart ect .the truth is i know i cant and honestly if we could would it make the world a better place or would we have wasted our time .what if we could stop all the crime or all the wrongful deaths or wrongful imprisonments .in all honesty my biggest wish is to take my family on one last vacation to give them the best christmas i ever could .but then i think why they wouldnt appreciate it or even say thanks ive came to the conclusion that noone in this world is ever 100% content its our nature to want what we cant have .the point is enjoy what you have while you have it nothing last forever and neither do people .this is a very true song 

 

1 month ago. Fri 01 Nov 2019 08:57:18 PM IST

Ive been alone in this darkness for some time i have learned that while there are holes and traps here and there even some detors we all cant please everyone so lets lay it out on the table what makes you tick whats your uttermost desires me i have several but some maybe tonmuch or not enough im still here in the darkness wwiting for my sub/slave tohold in my arms keep her safe to guide teach and all the things we need to do to become one .when she is scare or hurt forbher to know im here for her no matter what we all make mistakes and learn so why let a old mistake hold us back ? Any way thanks for reasing 

2 months ago. Thu 10 Oct 2019 03:58:34 PM IDT

I have and i know we all have lost love and have thought about giving up because we get tired of being hurt by others why do we do it why do they do it who knows we all have had our hearts broke we can give into the hurt and shut people out because if we do we will miss the most important thing we can find love respect compassion it all come togehter regaurless when love does find you and that other person you will not be able to just say no to live because they will haunt your dreams they will always be on your mind so dont stop beleaving in others because of a few idiots we all have made mistakes does that mean we should suffer because of it no forgive and move on im not saying to run back to a abussive person and i know grudges are held the forgiveness is not for them it for us we have to forgive our selfs and love our selfs because if we dont how can someone else just hang in there i know its hard to do but you will find true love .just dont let it slip through your finger tips thanks for reading

2 months ago. Mon 30 Sep 2019 08:01:03 PM IDT

Thats a queation not only for me but everyone if you truely want loved then show it if your here for online play say that when we send messages offering help its not to get you i offer a ear advice if i cant give it i will try my damn best to find it .ive seen and heard many people hurt because the other couldnt or didnt want to keep things going ive been hurt hell who has not but its always nice just to have someone listen someone to say hey your gonna be alright to catch you when your falling as a community we all should be there for the other sub dom ect not just ignoring the ones that are hurt think for a min for all of you thinking why should i noone does that for me well you may not have had it done for you but wouldnt it had been nice if someone would have so instead of letting them hurt alone try reaching out it might save someones life .im not pointing finger towards anyone but lets try to come together and help each other and not sit and do nothing .anyway take care to all of you and thanks for reading

2 months ago. Wed 25 Sep 2019 06:51:08 PM IDT

What happens when your body adjust to the pain you live every second i dont know about anyone else but mine starts to crave it .it starts to aborb it and it wants more im not talking about pain that you get like leg cramps or falling im talking real pain my body has started craving the pain from my cancer it craves it more then ive heard of or seen .now yes it is scary to think about but god made me this way for a reason not sure why but he did anyway hope you all have a great day 

2 months ago. Tue 24 Sep 2019 07:58:40 PM IDT

Ive got two more treatment then i come of the clinical trial and medicade and medicare get to pay the full cancer treatment bill now i get extra doctors as well but at least it has became dormant or stable how ever they want to say it 

2 months ago. Sat 21 Sep 2019 06:24:27 PM IDT

Im at work driving the amish when i get home i grt my 2 sons this weekend and i wont be back until monday so ill see everyone later if gods willing take care and enjoy your life