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The COLD HARD TRUTH

Ok lets see where to begin .Ok lets start this way i have stsge 4 non small cell lung cancer i also have adrenal cancer i have becam incontinent yes it does suck judge away .now the fun part there are so many people on here that seem to think they know it all with no regars to anyone well how about you pull the beam from you own damned eye before you pull the thorn from someone else's yes i took my other blog down no it was not that they won but i have enough going on with out the goddam drama from here so like me hate me i dont really care im here to stay i have freinds that are here and i will not turn my back on them nor ignore them so guess what i doughnot care.!
6 minutes ago. Wed 19 Jun 2019 05:40:44 PM IDT

We all have down days and up days but when do you know when you have reached the end of the road and find your self sitting at that dead end i could turn around or make a left right ect but ive been pushing so long i feel like i am at the true end and am tired of going foward ive kept my nose to the grind stone i just am tired maybe i should just sit her and wait maybe i should get out of it comoletely who knows but i have to decide and only i can 

1 day ago. Tue 18 Jun 2019 12:04:44 AM IDT

I am looking at a few place to move but still close to my kids one place is wilshire ohio it is about 15 20 mins away from them .but in other news i have been talking to a few subs that seem actually interested in a life with me and i have to say they are very nice women and they have very great personalitys .i just offered to bring one of them up here to be with me the other i just started talking to today and it would not be apropriate to offer until there is a little time to discover each other better.anyway just wanted to say i am in no way rushing anythi g but i also have to move on with my life 

2 days ago. Mon 17 Jun 2019 12:29:23 PM IDT

I have always been a sadist a daddy dom ect well i have also figured out i am a poly dom as well do i want 7 8 subs no i do not want to collect a buch 2 or 3 yes would be fine .but i will not rush anything nor do i try to i am talking to one sub an so far we seem to fit pretty good we both have busy lives so we understand how life happens we email each other everyday .i did have 2 subs but after a day of talking she decided she did not want to be with me after a long letter telling me this and that no im not going to say the persons name im better then that .anyway hope all the dads had a good fathers day thanks for reading

6 days ago. Thu 13 Jun 2019 05:33:39 PM IDT

I have tried to help others here some it did help others it didnt i may not be great at wording or sugar coating things but i atleast try to help anyone .i sent a message this morning was suppose to go to one person but my phone froze up and the person it actually went to blocked me lol not a big deal to me but i tried 

1 week ago. Wed 12 Jun 2019 05:05:56 PM IDT

1 week ago. Mon 10 Jun 2019 07:57:11 PM IDT

When was the last time you can say and honestly mean you felt truly loved and adored or held and told it will be alright or even given a single rose for no reason i know sounds sappy but i enjoy doing thise kind of things for the women i love she always knows i think of her and will never stray as long as i can see she is truly commited to me like no other and i feel most people now days only want the material things i see it all the time .when did this world stop actually caring about love in a relationship i have no clue but i find it hard to hold onto myself after everything ive been through i wonder is love real for anyone but me anymore or i get the thought of not even trying to love idk just ranting i guess but i do wonder about it 

1 week ago. Mon 10 Jun 2019 02:16:10 PM IDT

I think about it everyday just throw it in and walk away when you see more hart aches then anything it really makes you think what could have been done when it is your heart ache you think the same sometimes it neither sides fault sometimes it is both sides ect but what gets to everyone the most is when you know the love that is there but neither can truly be together for what ever reason then you feel like saying screw it and not look back .i have thought about disapearing or what have you but why would i i have great friends and my kids and a decent job a roof over my head all in all im doi g good but when your heart is emptied out from it all then you have to re evaluate things as hard as it is we have to walk on or move on 

1 week ago. Sat 08 Jun 2019 02:18:57 PM IDT

As most on here know i was diaognossed with cancer in 2016 ive fought it and still am i know im not going to win the fight but i wont back down either.i was suppose to get my treatment thursday and they did not let me because i have lost 9lbs in less then a month when i eat i take just a few bites and i am full so they want to run blood test and see what is causing it they did a ct and its not cancer in my stomach thank god ive just reached a point and have really been thinking about just stopping the treatment completely yes it is my choice but it is not at the same time i have 5 kids to consider as well and a grandson its the hardest decission i have ever tried to make as i sit here i think where will they be if i do what happens to my kids and graandson yes we all loose loved ones and we live on but 2 of my kids has autism and dont understand death they are who i worry about anyway ill get off here and take a nap i guess thanks for stopping by

2 weeks ago. Mon 03 Jun 2019 06:12:43 PM IDT

Here is a thought for some on here the demons we keep can either make you stronger or can close your heart i have had both happen do i let them win na just keep them working because at some point you figure out you are stronger then they are and they dont like it .i have danced with the devil several times and still standing i have loved lost and been hurt all my life we all have in some ways but know this even when your heart is broke there is someone who will fill the cracks with love and never let it break again the way i feel today well ill say this its a metallica day